You Never Know If You Don't Try
by filesfreak4life
Summary: After leaving to go on the Guadalcanal, Mac comes home to find that maybe jumping off the deep end isn't such a bad idea.  Harm's proposition leads to a whole different dance that she never knew she'd get to perform.
1. The Proposition

If I'm being honest with myself, I was expecting the knock on my door to happen. Even though part of me was dreading it, another part of me was looking forward to it. He didn't disappoint. When I looked through the peephole I saw six feet and four inches of Navy whites.

"How did you know I was back?" I ask him as I open the door and gesture for him to come in.

"I got it out of the Admiral that you were back yesterday, but I figured you wanted at least a whole day to yourself before visitors."

"I see."

I had been gone for a little over a month on the Guadalcanal. I needed every day to get myself out of the wreck that was my life. I let the man I was supposed to marry leave because the man I… well, because another man was almost killed. I put myself out there for another, to have my heart broken yet again. He came out to see me, which both infuriated me and elated me. But he couldn't deliver what was needed and he left without saying goodbye. That was my fault as I hid around the ship until I could watch his helicopter leave from some small deck where he couldn't see.

"Do you still hate me?" he asks, which causes my eyebrows to skyrocket and my lips to turn into a smile.

"Harm, I never hated you."

He wags his finger in my general direction after that comment, "I doubt that."

We sit for a few minutes without saying anything in a comfortable silence that we had mastered once before. Before Mic. Before Renee. Before things got complicated.

"Why are you here, Harm?"

"I have a proposition for you."

"Really?"

"Yes, but I don't know how you're going to react to it, based on how you were when I came to see you on the Guadalcanal."

"Please don't start all this again Harm. I told you there that I'm sick of the dance. Yes, I've had time to cool off after everything that went crazy, but the dance still makes me mad."

"That's what I'm proposing. The dance is over."

My heart jumps into my throat then. I can't read the look on his face, and what he just said could have a million different meanings both positive and negative. God, please don't tell me that he proposed to Renee or anything like that.

"Mac, the way I see it, you and I could never be halfway. It's not in either of our natures, which would mean that the two of us together is either all or nothing."

"So, you're here to tell me you're leaving again?" I say, thinking that the only logical option was that he was going to go back off on a carrier and leave me again.

"No, I'm proposing that we go all in."

I know that my mouth drops open with that, but I can't think of any other reaction that would be suitable in this situation.

"What exactly do you mean?" I say with a stutter that would make any of my previous commanding officers shutter. Marines don't quiver and shake.

"The only way that you and I will ever know if we can work is to try it. We go all in for two weeks. Then we'd know."

"And what happens at the end of two weeks?"

"If we know that we want to be with each other for… well for the rest of our lives… then so be it. If we realize that it wasn't meant to be, at least we won't have the regret of never trying."

"Harm…"

"Mac, I know how I feel about you, and I have a feeling that you feel the same way. There are always going to be reasons to talk ourselves out of jumping in the deep end. Then the dance continues. At least this way we know. We could end up being horrible together, always trying to one up eachother, not having the same ideas and wants, any of that."

"You think that is what's going to happen?"

"No."

The way he says it, so simply makes me love him even more than I want to admit to myself. Yes, I love him. I've known it for a while now, but wasn't able to really admit it.

"What about Renee?"

"Not an issue." He says, until I quirk my brow and he continues, "We're through as of the day before I came out to the Guadalcanal."

"Why?"

"Because I want you a hell of a lot more than I have ever wanted Renee. When her father died, it was the absolute worst timing in the history of the universe, but I dropped it the second I knew I was going after you."

"Details."

"Of the breakup?"

"No. I want details of the proposition before I agree or disagree."

"We are all in. I've got a bag packed in my car for the weekend. This weekend and week, I'll stay here with you. Next weekend and week, you come stay with me. We do what we want, which includes me taking you out tomorrow evening on an honest to God date. The rest of the week, we just are who we are, but we're together. We do what comes natural and see what happens."

"You packed a bag?"

"I was trying to be optimistic. It also doubled as an emergency room bag in case you tried to kill me for the suggestion."

That earns him a chuckle as I think through his idea and all that comes with it. It seems innocent enough, but on some level I feel like one of us is going to get hurt.

"When you say stay, what exactly are the sleeping arrangements?" I ask and am met with a blush from Harm.

"We sleep together, but there are no strings."

"And if strings enter into the picture?" I say, causing the blush to creep even further up his face.

"We climb every hill as we reach it, but know that the expectation is not there."

"Really?"

"Sarah, you mean a lot more to me than that. You tell me we're abstinent until our wedding day, and I would agree to it."

"Wedding day?"

"I said that the two weeks could lead to forever. You didn't believe me?"

"Why now?"

He looks around the room for a few minutes, looking nervous before rubbing his palms on his pants and standing up to pace the room.

"I didn't have the guts to tell you that you shouldn't marry Brumby. I skirted around the whole thing. Then at your engagement party, I tried to get you to realize that he wasn't it for you. You couldn't even tell me that you were really in love with him. Then when you asked me who was in love with you, I froze. Part of me wants to know what would have happened if I would have just flat out said it was me then and there. I could have told you and said that there was a ring in my sock drawer with your name on it if you left with me right then and there. Brumby was an idiot and I was given a second chance."

"Oh." I say, trying to wrap my head around everything that he just said. My mind focused on one thing though…"There's a ring?"

"Go figure that since you're a woman, you'd pick out that statement, but Yes."

"Why?"

"We've got two weeks to talk about all of that, and I need to go get my bag." He says, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles before walking to the door.

"I never said that I agreed."

"Were you going to say no?" he says with all the cockiness of the fighter pilot he used to be and still is.

"No."

"Good."


	2. Good Idea Bad Idea

**Author's Note: Overwhelming positive response to continue, so here it is! I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but I do have some scenes already played out in my head. Those who know my writing know that I kind of like to get to the point, but I'm trying to slow myself down a little bit with this one, adding more detail to every day rather than doing the skipping thing. Hope you enjoy this next little snippet! Review if you would like!**

When Harm came back upstairs, I didn't know what to do. You go for years being in love with a man that you have convinced yourself that you can't have, and now suddenly you have him? Well you don't really have him cause this isn't really real. It is, but it isn't. God, even in my head I sound like an idiot right now, and totally unlike myself.

"So what was your plan for the rest of the evening?"

"Honestly, I was going to curl up with a book and order take out."

"You haven't eaten yet?" he asks me and I shake my head. "Well, why don't you set yourself up on the couch and I'll make dinner."

"Harm, you don't have to make me dinner."

"This is what I'd be doing if I was home right now… and since we're living together, I just get to double the recipe." He says with a flyboy smile that means I can't refuse his offer, and disappears into the kitchen.

He comes back to find me with my feet under the blanket and my book open. When he sits down beside me, lifting my feet into his lap like he's done it for years, I have to look up.

I don't even get a word out because he beats me to it, "So the calling for takeout has nothing to do with your culinary skills, it has to do with a lack of actual food in your kitchen. What have you been eating since you got back?"

"You act like it was so long ago, Harm. It was just yesterday morning."

"I'm going to the grocery store, is there anything special that you need me to get you?"

"You aren't going grocery shopping for me."

"There is nothing to eat, and we both haven't eaten, so I am."

"Whatever you want flyboy…"

"So, is there anything else that you need me to get?"

"No, I'm just fine."

With a quick pick up of my feet and a kiss to my forehead, he's gone just as fast as he came in. Now I'm left to my thoughts. It was much worse this time around because I knew that I had more time to think about this plan. Did I really want this to happen? Was this really a good idea given our history with relationships? I can't help but over think this whole thing for the next hour that he's gone.

The shocked look on my face when he comes back tips him off to my thoughts.

"I'm going to put these away, put dinner together, and while it's baking, do you want to talk?" he asks in a matter of fact way that puts my mind at ease. Maybe the hour away gave him some time to rationalize this away too.

I can hear him moving around in my kitchen, never coming to ask me where something was. He was always at home here when we would work late on cases over pizza or Chinese. I never noticed how much until now.

Much in the same manner as the first time he came out of the kitchen, he picks up my feet and sets them on his lap before turning to me, "Talk?"

"I don't know about this Harm, it's so…"

"Unlike us?"

"Yes!" I scream at him, standing up from the couch and going to sit in the chair off to the side.

"That's the point. We weren't going anywhere if we were just sitting there."

"Maybe we aren't supposed to go anywhere. Maybe we are supposed to just be Harm and Mac, two best friends."

"If I'm not mistaken both of us at one time or another have hinted at wanting more… Hell, Mac, you said that if we had taken it up in Sydney maybe we would be at our engagement party."

Remembering the conversation, I simply reply, "I never said that it was you and me."

"You implied it."

"Well, according to you, it could be."

"That's my point!" he says, throwing his hands up in the air before coming to stand in front of me. "Do you know what I did after we got home from Sydney?"

"Called Renee?" I say with a quirk of my brow because I know that they ended up together after we had our… whatever it was… in Sydney.

"No, I called my mother."

"Why?"

"I had her send her ring. Well, it was my Grandma Sarah's ring, and then it was my mom's ring."

"You thought Renee was a sure thing, huh?"

"No, I thought that you would come to your senses with Brumby, and I would be there to rip his ring off and put my own on your hand."

The gasp did not go unheard, and I didn't know what to say. I wasn't expecting that, and the breath just came rushing out of me.

We sit there for a while until the oven timer goes off, signaling that it is time for dinner. He stands up, and makes his way to the kitchen, bringing out a steaming casserole dish. That is when I stand up and move to grab plates and silverware out to the table.

I don't think that Harm and I have ever eaten an entire meal in silence before this evening. I'm still sorting through it all in my head. All I can come up with so far is that he really does love me. By some weird miracle of sorts, he actually loves me. I don't know what to do with that, but I realize then that this might not be the most terrible idea that he has ever had. Certainly, it is the boldest, but not terrible at all.

The rest of the evening is spent like this, doing our own thing in quiet peace. He thumbs through the various books on my shelves until he finds one that he is interested in and we read for an hour before I start yawning.

"Are you tired?" I finally ask him, breaking the silence.

"No, I think I'm going to stay up for a bit longer and read. You go though."

Mic was the only guy I ever really lived with. I don't count what Chris and I did as living together since I don't remember the majority of what was going on at the time. Mic was an early to bed kind of guy, so I would get into bed long after he'd fallen asleep. We'd wake up on opposite sides of the bed, and for some reason I was perfectly okay with this. I soon found out that Harm was different.

I climbed in bed and cursed my insomnia. I knew that I would be up for at least another hour or so before finally falling asleep. A half hour after I got into bed, Harm came in the bedroom. After a rustle of clothing, the covers turn down and he climbs in next to me.

"Can't sleep?" he asks.

"Like always."

"I would have though Mic cured you of that?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Having someone beside you at night should set you at ease…"

"No… still awake."

"Can I help?" he asks in a timid voice I don't ever remember hearing from him before.

"I don't think you can, but thank you."

That's when I feel his arm wrap around my stomach and my back press into his chest. I tense up, because it surprises me, but at the same time, I'm taking note of how the curves of our body fit together just so.

"This okay?" he asks quietly right next to my ear and I nod.

After his breathing settles into that slow pattern of sleep, I allow myself to fall asleep as well. Maybe this was a good idea.


	3. Finally Sleeping Through

**Author's Note: Thanks again for more positive feedback. Again, I'm taking it slow. They've only had one day together, and not even a full one yet. I'm liking taking apart Mac's thoughts. Let me know if you think that I should do a few chapters in Harm's POV. Maybe I could do the next two with his, and switch back, etc. Love to hear thoughts!**

When I wake up, I'm not sure exactly where I am. Opening my eyes, I know that I'm in my bedroom, and it's morning. However, none of this makes any sense to me. I have an arm draped around me, which a bend of the neck reveals is Harm. This is actually happening? I didn't dream this entire scenario up in my head like the millions I have before now?

After taking a moment to realize my surroundings, I take note of how rested I feel. It's like I actually slept through the whole night. Usually it takes sickness or a cross the world flight to get me to sleep through the night, let alone fall asleep as early as I know we did last night.

We.

It slips so easily into my thoughts that I then consider Harm, with his protective arm around my waist in his sleep. I hate cuddling. I hate the stereotype that women are the cuddlers and men hate it because any relationship I've been in has been the opposite. Harm's arm, however, just fits there. It's like a small reminder that he's there if I need him with a hint of making me aware that he needs me.

I'm called out of my wondering when I hear him behind me, "Mac?"

"Good morning."

"You make an excellent bed fellow."

"Oh really?" I say, turning so he can see my lifted brow.

"Not too hot, don't steal the covers, don't kick me in your sleep. You're perfect."

"You aren't too bad yourself. I actually slept."

"The Marine who offered to strip my gun and clean it in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep is actually saying that she slept?"

"Maybe it was finally getting over the Jet Lag."

"Maybe it was finally giving in to something you've wanted for a while."

"Sleep?"

"Maybe." He says, sitting up.

I'm already missing his warmth as he gets out of bed, calling over his shoulder that he is going to start the coffee. He also promises that it will be Marine worthy, which has me smile at the thought.

When I get into the kitchen after slipping on a robe, I'm met with a topless Harmon Rabb stirring some cream and sugar into his coffee. Yes. I could get used to this.

"I don't know if you should be pampering me like this Harm. If we do end up together forever, you've set the bar pretty high."

"Again, I'd be doing it myself at home. All it takes is the thought to make a second cup." He says, walking out of the kitchen with his cup before I catch his arm and pull him down so I can kiss his cheek.

"Thanks for the thought anyway."

He throws me a grin and carries his cup off into the bedroom, and my brow furrows, "Harm? Where are you going?"

"Getting into my running clothes. You know I like to do a long run on Saturday mornings."

"Oh." I say, walking in to see him pulling a shirt on, which leaves me slightly disappointed.

"Do you want to come with me?"

"Do you want me to come?"

"Dancing much?" he says, and I'm forced to think about our situation again. He said that we would try all in, which meant no motive questioning, no second guessing, no doubting.

"Yes I want to go with you. Let me change, and we can go."

I grab clothes and slip into the bathroom to change. I hear him call me a coward through the bathroom door and smirk. We aren't ready for that yet, no matter how many years it has been.

The run is comfortable, probably slower than he normally goes, but fast enough that it is still a challenge for both of us. We get six miles in before stopping to walk the last mile back to the apartment. When he grabs my hand, I don't even let myself flinch.

"So, where do you want to go tonight?"

"You still want to take me on a date?"

"Contrary to popular belief, us men don't hate the dating."

"Aren't we past that?" I ask, thinking about the other men that I dated.

Dates are for awkward moments of silence. Trying to start up conversations with someone you don't know a lot about. Trying to bite your tongue when they say something that you think is really stupid. Fake laughing at their jokes. Learning as much as you can without looking like an idiot.

He shrugs before he answers the question, "I know Mac the kick ass Marine. I know Mac my best friend. I've had glimpses of Mac the woman before, but maybe I want to know her a little more. Not saying that all three are separate, but I feel like I know parts of you better than others. I want to change that."

"Harm, you know everything about me."

"Then doesn't it tell you something that I keep wanting to know more?"

"Dinner, then dancing."

"Dancing? Really?"

"You said you wanted to know more. I want a man who will grin and bear it through a night on the town."

"Do you like it fast or slow?" He asks in a way that doesn't let the double entendre go unnoticed.

"Fast, slow, and any way in between if I've got the right partner." I say, making his pupils grow just a bit wider at my tone.

We walk the rest of the way in silence, taking in the surroundings, holding hands, and finally just being who we are.

The rest of the day is spent doing various chores around the house. While I insisted that Harm just sit and read for the afternoon, he insisted that he should help with anything. I made him the duster of all things high, which was a very revealing experience. Apparently I'm shorter than I give myself credit for. After chores, we sat on the sofa and watched a movie. Ask me what it was and I couldn't tell you the name or the plot. I could tell you how it felt to lean into Harm on the sofa. I could tell you how drew patterns on my palm as it sat on my lap. I feel that these were the more important details of the day.

Now came the night. The big date. With Harm.

Yes, I need to separate all that out in my head. The idea of dating Harm is just not sinking in with me, no matter how many subtle reminders he gives me.

Being the girl that I am, I let him get ready and then monopolize the bathroom. He has strict instructions to come nowhere near the room until I tell him that I'm ready. Sue me for being nervous and wanting everything about this evening to go well. A lot is riding on this. Harm and I have done the happy home thing pretty well today and last night. We've never done the romantic outing deal before, and if I'm being honest. That scares the crap out of me. My biggest fear is that it is like every date I've ever been on. All those things I thought of before are running through my head.

The whole thing makes me think of fireworks. Romantic movies all have this idea that when you meet the person that you're supposed to be with there will be fireworks. Harm and I had semi-automatics and helicopters our first day together. Did that drown out the fireworks I was supposed to hear? Maybe they were there and I just didn't hear them. Or maybe I'm supposed to get that feeling tonight. Don't get me wrong, the feeling is there. I'm just worried that the romantic setting will feel awkward for us.

One last check to the mirror and I think I did a pretty good job. My little black dress falls just above the knee and my lips looks pouty enough to be considered sexy.

Apparently, I did better than good.

"God, Mac. Has anyone ever told you how breathtaking you are?" he says with such awe that it nearly brings a tear to my eyes, because no… at least not in the way he just did.

I put my hand on his bicep and lean in to meet his lips with mine for just a second because his comment deserved it, and then I'm grabbing his hand and headed for the door, "Dinner and Dancing."

"Lead the way… I'm all yours."

I sure hope so.


	4. Caught

**Author's Note:**

**Again, thanks for the positive feedback. I decided to switch the point of view to Harm for this chapter, and I'm hoping you like it. If you've got ideas, I'm more than happy to hear them and try to include them. Just know that I'm all for the fluffy stuff. If you aren't fluffy, then… well… you should be, cause fanfic is the way that I get my fluff on. Review if you would like, and thank you soooo much for all the kind responses.**

While I am not the guy that just wants a woman for his arm candy, I take pride in the fact that Sarah MacKenzie is the most gorgeous woman in the room tonight. I may be biased, but she took the breath out of everyone tonight, myself included.

Black dresses should be against the law for this woman to wear. Especially if the back of the dress leaves little to the imagination. I feel the strong, but slight muscles of her back beneath my hands as I hold her close while we dance.

After the first dance we shared she stopped and looked up at me with a wonder I hadn't seen before.

"You know how to dance."

"I do." I say in a way that acts like I'm surprised as well, which gets me a slap to the arm.

"No, I mean that you really know how to dance. Not just simple NATO ball and Surface Warfare dancing…Why?"

"Promise me that you won't laugh?"

"No promise of the sort will ever be made when it comes to you, Harmon Rabb."

"Fine… I'll still tell you." I say, watching as her eyes glitter with a glimpse of victory. "My mom insisted that I take lessons before I got out of high school. She said that she knew I was hell bent on going to the academy and that was one thing she wished my father had done. They had formals all the time and he would drag her there and refuse to step on the dance floor. I was actually pretty good at it, so I did a few even while I was at the academy to learn new things."

"I wasn't expecting that."

"Well, I wasn't expecting that you were the dancing type, so we are both full of surprises."

"I…" she starts, and then stops her thought to look down, "I never really got to do the whole high school dance thing. Everything in my childhood was so messed up. After he sobered me up, Uncle Matt insisted that I learned how to be a lady. He got some women from the local church to help get me up to speed on dancing and etiquette. I hated it, but it has come in handy through the years."

"Huh…" I say, truly marveling at the woman before me.

"What?"

How do I describe what I see when I look at her. Her whole being just radiates grace and beauty. Nothing looks learned or forced with her, and it's hard to believe that she was ever anything but this put together, beautiful woman that's here with me now.

"You're amazing, you know that?" I say simply, knowing that it doesn't cover my thoughts.

"Harm…" she says, shyly looking back at me.

"No, you are. You overcame a pretty crappy situation to become this amazingly beautiful and graceful woman. You could probably go back and teach the old ladies a thing or two." I say, laughing.

She simply smiles back at me, not adding anymore to the conversation. But she begins to lean into me more as we keep dancing the night away.

It's past midnight when we get back to the apartment. The second we step into her building, Mac has taken her shoes off and they are dangling from her fingers while we ride the elevator. She isn't a short woman, in fact, she's perfect. She insisted on wearing these tall torture devices though, and I can see the wincing as she is trying to stretch her sore feet out.

"Is there a foot rub needed in the near future?" I ask, turning towards her and smiling.

"No way… nobody goes near my feet."

"Ticklish?"

"No, I just think it's weird. Is that odd?"

"No. How about I run you a warm bath instead?"

"Honestly, this has been the perfect evening, and all I want to do is curl up in my warm bed and dream happy dreams about it all night."

"That good, huh?"

We reach her door at that moment, and suddenly she seems nervous.

"Mac?"

"This is weird…"

My heart jumps into my throat at the comment. Maybe it was a great night, but great in like hanging out with your best friend and having fun great. Maybe she didn't feel the same way as I did about how it all went. She's about to tell me that it's done. She doesn't need two weeks, because her decision has already been made.

"What?" I hesitantly ask.

"Well, you know how a date is supposed to end. If it's the first few, you share reserved kisses in the hallway and shyly say goodbye. Or you make out against the door until you realize that your neighbors are going to complain. If it's been a lot more than a few dates, you invite the other in for some coffee, which is code for 'take your clothes off'. It's like we've known each other for a million years, but I can't do the latter."

"So… what are you saying?"

"Can I just try something? I just… and then we go in, we go to sleep, we don't talk about it, and that's it?"

"Yes?" I say more like a question than an answer.

What happens next, I'm not particularly expecting. I assumed that Mac would want to take everything at a snail's pace, which I was fine with. She just came out of an engagement, and I expected to take things slowly where the physical stuff came into play. This evening's small peck on the lips before our date was nothing compared to what we entangled ourselves into at that apartment door.

After a few minutes, I have her with her back against the door and my hands in her hair. Can you blame me? This woman has been the single focus of my fantasies for the greater part of our time together. She's not shying away though, and I'm viewing this as a positive sign. We take it slow, taking the time to explore everything about each other. Unlike the heated kiss we shared at her engagement party a few months ago, this was all about finally having permission to stay awhile.

When we pull away from each other, looking back into half lidded eyes, I realize again why I'm in love with her. "So… that's what you wanted to try?"

"Uh huh…" she says, nodding her head, her eyes still focused on my lips.

"And?"

"And what?" she asks, looking up at me.

"Were there fireworks?"

I don't know what I said that made her so happy, but the smile that breaks out on her face causes a shoot of pride to fall over me. I put that smile there. Me. I did it.

When she pulls me back in for another kiss, I still don't know what I said, but I'm not one to lift a gift horse in the mouth.

"Colonel MacKenzie?" I hear from behind me and turn to see a fifty something woman looking at us.

"Hello Mrs. Porter. How are you this evening?"

"Not as good as you, I see."

Mac and I both blush, but she doesn't hesitate to reintroduce me to the older woman, "You remember my partner, Commander Rabb?"

"I do. And I haven't seen that other gentleman in the past few months."

"Oh…" Mac stumbles for a moment, "um… he and I split things off."

"Good. He wasn't the one for you." She pauses, taking a look at me for a moment, "this is the one who you're meant for. I'm glad you finally figured it out. Just don't wait too long to make it official."

As she walks away, we start laughing. Laughing at being in our mid to late thirties and being caught making out in the hallway. Laughing that the older woman had more insight than both of us combined.

"Ready for bed?" I ask as we walk into the apartment.

"yeah, why don't you get ready? I'm going to grab us some tea."

"All right."

"Harm?" she says, causing me to turn toward her again, "Huge… lots of colors… exploding all over the place with a cacophony of sound."

"A cacophony?"

She nods her head up and down quickly with a smile, and I'm smitten yet again.


	5. Pillow Talk

**Author's Note: I went deep with some of the conversations and things this time around just because I feel like if they were to really sit down and hash it all out, it would play out this way. They've both been through a lot, even at this point in the series after the Guadalcanal. I hope it doesn't seem like too much too soon, but I feel like they would be like the flood gates… once opened, they just keep spilling over.**

When she comes into the bedroom with our tea, I'm sitting in bed leaning up against her headboard contemplating all that has happened in the past twenty four hours. I admit that the suggestion was a long shot, but so far, it has been the best bet I've ever made with myself.

She hands me my mug and sets hers down on the nightstand before grabbing something to wear for bed and heading into the bathroom. As I'm waiting for her to return, I take a look around her bedroom. I haven't really spent any time in here before now, and I'm noticing the soft colors and girly prints. Mac is a very feminine woman. I know that sounds odd to say, but she puts off this air about her sometimes that makes her seem like this hard, tough as nails Marine. But in the end, when she comes home, she is all girl.

"Are we running again tomorrow morning?" she asks as she steps out of the bathroom, causing me to start a bit at being snapped out of my thoughts.

"If you want to, I could go again. It was fun."

"Yeah, I want."

She climbs in bed next to me and mirrors my pose at the headboard, sipping her tea. We don't say anything for a few long moments, just content to absorb each other's body heat and sip the warm beverage.

"I love having tea before bed time… it's relaxing." She says, breaking the silence.

"I don't normally indulge in the ritual, but I could certainly get used to it. Thank you for making me some."

"What was it you said this morning… I always make one, all it takes is the extra thought to make another."

This is my opening, so I lean in and give her a small peck on the lips before saying, "Thanks for the thought."

She smiles back at me and I'm forced again to say to myself that I really could get used to this.

"As I recall, I only kissed your cheek. You may be overstepping there, Navy." She adds with a quirked brow toward me.

"Hey you gave me the green light for a peck on the lips when you pinned me against your door tonight."

"_I _pinned _you_? Oh no no, I'm pretty sure that I started an innocent kiss and _you_ pinned _me_ against the door."

"Oh really?"

She just nods her head, "and besides, we aren't supposed to talk about it, remember?"

"So, what _do_ you want to talk about?"

"Tell me about your childhood… about your mom and dad and then Frank. And your grandma Sarah."

"You want to hear all the boring details?"

"Every single one." She says, sinking further down into her pillows like she's ready for a long bout of stories.

I tell her all about growing up as a Navy brat with my dad, how much he loved my mom and me. Remembering fondly the times that I got to go onto the ships and hang out with my dad alone, I tell her about where my love of flying came from. It was a great walk down memory lane, and was even good when we started talking about now with Frank and my mom and their life out in La Jolla.

"Your mom seems like an amazing woman." Mac says, after hearing about the gallery she had set up on her own before Frank came along.

"She is. I know that before we went to Russia she still had old wounds with my dad's disappearance. She overcame it all though, you know? I miss being able to spend more time with her now. Frank is good for her, and I've come to realize that he was good for me too. Even grandma Sarah took to Frank, which proved what a great man he was. I gave him hell when I was a teenager though, repeatedly throwing it in his face that he wasn't my real dad."

"You… a loud mouthed teenager? No…"

"Don't tease, you don't know how bad all that was…"

"Yeah, well, I was the one drunk through half of my teenage years."

"Mac…" I say, grabbing onto her hand.

Our tea had long since been drained and our sitting up against the headboard was more of an angled lying down than anything. We were turned toward each other and didn't worry about how many hours had passed since we started talking.

"No, don't worry about it. I just can't see past it sometimes. I've walked through it all and really overcome most of those past demons, but every now and then I can't help but think about those days and my mom and my dad."

"Have you seen your mom or talked to her since your father died?"

She just shakes her head, closing her eyes for a moment to close the feelings she's having inside. I don't want that for her. I don't want her to ever feel like she has to hide what she's feeling from me. We've done enough hiding for both our life times.

"Mac," I start, touching her chin so she looks back over to me. "Your mother was a confused, troubled woman. Frankly, I have no idea what she was thinking when she left you, but she did leave you. I know you might not be able to forgive or forget that, but know that you have turned into this amazing woman. She might not ever get to see that, but know it. That is overcoming all that you have been through… knowing that you have turned into someone amazing despite what you came from."

She takes a minute to gather her thoughts before she responds, "I do know that. My Uncle Matt was the one who told me that on a daily basis to help me get through my alcoholism. There are just times that I question everything about myself. Especially when I think about the future."

"Why?"

"A drunk for a father and a mother who abandons isn't necessarily a great gene pool, Harm. I worry that I would do the same."

"Your own children?"

She nods and I'm forced to remember a conversation I overheard with her and Mic a few months back.

"I'm still in for our deal… main reason being that I know that you will be an amazing mother."

"Harm…"

"That is if you still want kids." I say, which causes a look of confusion to cross her face, "I heard you telling Mic that you didn't want him talking about popping out a family because you weren't sure that you wanted one. You've always told me that you wanted at least a couple kids."

Her shocked expression leads me to believe that what I overheard was true in hearing, but not true to Mac.

"Why did you tell Mic that you didn't know if you wanted kids or not?"

She blushes before letting her face fall to what appears to be shame. "I lied to him."

"That's a pretty big thing to lie about, Mac."

"Yeah, well, that's probably one of the reasons why I didn't marry him."

"You didn't think he would be a good father."

"It wasn't that." She says as her blush turns more to a deep crimson. "Mic would have been a great father, but he wasn't the father I wanted for my children."

Now I understand the blush, and at risk to making her blush more, I have to ask, "and who did you want for the father of your children."

"I think that the steps at JAG Headquarters hold the answer to that question."

"And now, after everything?" I ask, hoping for a breakthrough.

"I'm not ready to answer that yet, Harm."

"That's fair."

"It is?"

"I said that we would give ourselves two weeks to make any kind of decision regarding us. I'm standing by it. We might be great pillow talkers now, but a week and a half from now, we might hate each other."

"I could never hate you, Harm. I've said that once before."

"I know, but the real question is… do you love me?"

"Pretty deep conversation for day two of this endeavor."

"How late is it?"

"Well, now we've crossed into it being early. It's four o'clock in the morning."

"You tired?"

"I am, but I don't want to stop this." She says, grabbing on to the hand that I had held on to her with before.

"We've got a while Mac..."

"I'm tired." She says again, and I reach over to turn off my light and then hers before settling down in the bed for some well deserved sleep.

The moment my arms wrap around her waist, her hands come up to cover mine. I was more sure now than I ever had been that we are forever.


	6. Afraid to Lose What Could Have Been

**Author's Note: I feel like Mac has been burned a lot where love is concerned, which is where all this stems from. In my mind, she is the one with the most reservations about them. I know that in the show, she's always been the one to make the first move and Harm is more reserved, but I feel like Harm would be the one to keep swimming after a plunge was made, you know? Glad people are enjoying the story. Review if you would like! P.S. I'm totally sick, so all I've been doing is writing… hope you don't mind!**

While I was on the Guadalcanal, I would sometimes remember what it felt like to have Mic's arms around me. I would think about how I made a mistake not marrying him because, if I was being honest with myself, I thought he was the only one who would ever want to marry me. Life would have been simple and nice, with the occasional bout of drama thrown in. It wouldn't have been what I wanted though.

Now, I won't ever be able to think of anyone's arms around me but Harm's. Even as I say that in my head it sounds too girly and dramatic for me. It's true though, and I can feel that when I wake up on this sunny Sunday morning. I want to be here.

He kisses my shoulder when he senses that I'm awake, holding me closer to him as he stretches his sleepy limbs.

"Ready to run?" I ask him as he still hasn't let me go yet.

"Honestly… no."

"Too old to stay up that late?" I say, teasing him for our slight age difference.

"No… just content to stay here all morning."

"I hate to break it to you, but it's the afternoon."

"Well, can't we just stay in here anyways?" he asks, turning my face towards him and kissing my forehead.

"I'm game if you are. Last night was probably one of the best nights I've had in a long time."

"Wow… that doesn't bode well for Mic Brumby."

I hit him with that comment. Even though I didn't love the guy the way I was supposed to, he was a good man. He would have treated me very well. I think that is why he bugged Harm so much. It would have been easier if he was a jerk.

"I'm just saying that you and I together could be amazing if just sitting and talking while we're in bed is one of the best nights you've had in a while. Imagine what would happen if there was more." He says, letting his voice drop down as he gets closer to my ear.

I fully admit that when he places a small kiss underneath my right earlobe I swoon. I also fully admit that if I didn't have so many rational bones in my body, I would have stripped him right there.

"Did Sarah MacKenzie just whimper a little bit? I didn't think that Marines whimpered." He teases me as he places another kiss just below the first on my neck.

"Harm, didn't we say no strings? Didn't we say slow?" I try to rationalize us out of this very slippery slope.

"You opened the door last night Mac…"

"Yeah, for my lips… I didn't give the green light for necking."

When I say it, the breathiness in my voice makes me giggle in my mind. Does he really do this to me? Can I really be that far gone with a few well placed kisses?

"In that case…" he says, turning me so I'm facing him, and allowing his lips to descend to mine.

It's the doorway all over again. Fireworks exploding, lips exploring. It's slow and passionate and fast and amazing all at the same time. How is that possible? Only he has ever made me feel like I don't know which way is up when he's kissing me. I can count on one hand the number of times we've shared kisses, and each one left me with something that I couldn't place.

I'm interrupted before I can figure out what that something is by the ringing of the phone.

"Hello?" I ask, grabbing the phone from my night stand after pushing Harm off me to lay on his own side of the bed.

"_Ma'am?"_

"Harriet?"

"_I'm sorry for calling you on the weekend, but… I… we're friends, and I just wanted to check on you. I know that you had to leave so suddenly after what happened with the wedding, so I wanted to see how you were doing. Did you and Mic talk? Did you decide anything?"_

"umm… we did."

"_Okay, what date can I tell people for the wedding then? I've still been getting calls at JAG about it."_

"We're not getting married Harriet." I say without any emotion, which I think surprises Harriet more than myself.

"_What happened? Did you guys fight? Was it something with Commander Rabb and his accident? Are you okay? Is Mic going to stay in Australia? Are you sure you're—"_

"Harriet! I'm fine, actually, I'm better than fine. Everything is as it should be, and you don't have to worry about a thing. In fact, if you want to leave me the messages, I'll contact everyone when I start back tomorrow."

"_Oh no, I'll take care of it Ma'am… don't worry about anything."_

"Honestly, Harriet, I can take care of it. You don't have to do anything. That isn't your job."

"_I'm your maid of honor, of course it's my job. Besides… I'm pretty sure that you don't want to be the one to tell people that it is broken off. Easier if it comes from a third party."_

"If you say so." I say, thinking about how great a friend I have in Harriet, even if she insists on still calling me ma'am.

"_I do… and you'll be back to JAG tomorrow, right?"_

"That I will."

"_I'll see you tomorrow then. Enjoy your Sunday."_

"Thank you Harriet." I say before hanging up the phone.

"You okay?" Harm asks as I just sit there after hanging up the phone.

I've got mixed emotions about everything. On one hand, Harm and I could be entering into something that could finally last a lifetime. On the other hand, I just turned down something that could have been a lifetime.

"I don't know how I feel, actually."

"Are you upset that people are going to talk?" he asks, knowing the gossip mill around the JAG office.

"No, I don't think it's that. I just… I have my doubts and I have my concerns."

"About?"

I turn to look at him, not wanting to tell him that the doubts and concerns are about he and I. How can you look into the eyes of a man that you know loves you so much and tell him that you have doubts that it could last? Then I realize that I looked into the eyes of another man who loved me and said that I was going to love him forever just a month or so ago. I was lying to myself then as well.

I must have waited too long in thought, because he is sitting up next to me, touching my arm to get my attention.

"hey… are you okay?" he asks, and my heart melts yet again.

"Can I tell you something honestly about all this?"

"Yes."

"Even if it might hurt you?"

I can see him swallow before nodding, and start to explain my thoughts, "I had it all there for a while. I was happy, I was getting married to a man who really loved me. Mic loved me more than I had ever been loved before, and I think that was why I went to him the way I did. He was the safe choice because I knew that he loved me like that. It didn't matter to me that I didn't love him as much, because I figured that we had the rest of our lives to figure it all out. It was a great feeling to think that you had a future lined up with someone finally. But, I threw it away, and I can't understand why."

"You know why you did, Sarah… why?" He asks, knowing that deep down I knew the reason for what happened between Mic and I. I think he also knew that the reason had to do with him.

"As I recall, you said 'if you need me at your wedding, Mac, maybe you should be thinking about who you're marrying' or something along those lines. I did need you there, and I didn't know why. When the Admiral got the call saying that your plane went down, I kept it together for a while. Then they called off the rescue for the evening and I remember leaving everyone else to go cry by myself. I couldn't lose you. You were the constant in my life, and I couldn't lose you like that. Mic came in to tell me that I needed to be with those that love me, but I told him I was okay. Being the good man that he was, he came to me anyways… and the look on his face when he saw me so upset. I think he really knew then that you were more than what I had let on. Then, the night he left…well… you know what happened then."

"Mac, you tried. You tried having you and Mic, and it wasn't what you wanted. Regardless of what happens with the two of us, you wouldn't have been happy with him, so it was the right decision."

"So you doubt it too." I say, catching that he made reference to the two of us not working out.

"No. I don't, but you do."

"Can you blame me, Harm? We've danced around each other for years, we're co workers, we're best friends, and our lines are so intertwined that I can't separate you out. Why now? Are we really ready for all this? And I think the hardest question… at least for me, is: Can I love you the way you love me? I couldn't with Mic, Harm. I couldn't with Chris or Dalton… I don't think I can with anyone."

"You already do, Sarah… You may not say it and we might not act on it in the romantic sense, but there have been so many things that show me you love me, that I don't doubt it for a second. Why do you think I proposed this idea? You traveled halfway around the world twice to help me with my family. You were able to find me when I was drowning in the middle of the Atlantic. You cried with me when I was hearing how my father died the first time. You've stayed with me through all the crap I've seemed to drag us into. If that isn't showing me that you love me, then I don't know what it is."

When he puts it all out there, I can't help but examine his words at my gestures. I couldn't have imagined doing anything other than those things for him, with him. I don't regret any of those actions, but I also didn't realize they meant so much to him.

"I'm afraid to get hurt."

"I might hurt you, Mac. I might piss you off, but in the midst of everything, I love you. It's not going to be easy, but isn't it worth the try?"

"So far the trying is easy, and I think that is where my hang up is. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Stop waiting, Sarah… cause I'm going to try my damnedest to keep it balanced."

I lean in to kiss him then. With my mess and my doubts, the fact that he still wants all of this is something I never expected. After a minute, he moves us so we're lying down, my head on his chest and our hands curled together. I want this so bad, but I don't want to lose it.


	7. The Mess

**Author's Note: Okay, as I'm writing I'm becoming very aware of the cheesy… I'm okay with it, but I don't know. I feel like Mac really is more girly than we know and I know that Harm would treat Mac with the utmost romantic/sentimental side of himself. I think about the last episode of the show and I'm reminded of the cheesy proposal and how she kissed him in MacLaren's and how they wrapped their arms around each other while talking about the proposal. That's the cheese in my head, so bear with me. I'm glad to see that you are all still enjoying it though. I'm still enjoying writing it! This is a double chapter, because I decided to update so quickly cause I was writing like a fiend today stuck in bed with a cold. You all just reap the benefits! Review and enjoy!**

We spend the rest of our Sunday doing odds and ends both in and out of the apartment. We go to a late lunch/early dinner at the Italian place down the street from my apartment, we grab some movies for the evening, and just enjoy each other's company.

It isn't until we are getting ready to fall asleep that I turn to him and ask something that has been bothering me all day, "What do we say at work?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you think people are going to know that something is up?"

"Not if we don't say something. You and I have always been really close, Mac. They aren't going to suspect anything. And if they do, would it be the end of the world for either of us?"

"It might be the end of our careers…"

"We are the same rank, and until it becomes a permanent thing, it isn't something that anyone needs to know or care about."

"So we're going to hide out?"

"No, we aren't. We aren't going to act any differently now than we did before. Only now… we come home to each other."

"Harriet will know."

"You're probably right, but that's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it. I'm not worried."

"Well, I'm glad that one of us isn't."

He laughs and pulls me toward him, planting a kiss on my lips before telling me good night. I return the kiss and let my mind wander to the stares of tomorrow. Most people know that something happened with the wedding. They also saw me disappear to some ship in the middle of the ocean and probably assumed that I had run. I don't know how prepared I am for tomorrow.

"Separate or together?"

"What?" He says, confused by my question as I'm putting my shoes on and he is straightening his tie.

"Cars. Are we going to drive in together or do you want to drive separate?" He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off, "No, you know what? Separate. I bet that the Admiral has some new stuff for me to deal with, so I'll probably want to stay a little late."

"You stay for a little bit, and I'll have dinner waiting for you when you get home. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like something that I can certainly live with."

"Good."

We grab our covers and briefcases before heading to the door, at which Harm stops right in front of me. He turns around and for a minute I'm confused.

"What?"

"I just… you were right… this… at work might be a little difficult."

"Finally, you are seeing how hard this could be to jump into."

"Oh no… not hard. Just new. In fact, I've already figured out what will get us through the day."

I give a confused look his way as he sets his briefcase down, puts his cover on the top and does the same with mine.

"And what is that?"

His answer is to lean down and kiss me while taking me in his arms. It has all the slowness and passion of yesterday morning and leaves me a bit breathless.

"Good morning, you two!" Mrs. Porter says, seeming to be the one who always catches us in this position.

"Good morning, Ma'am." Harm says back to her, with a slight blush on his face and a nervous look back toward me.

"I don't blame you, Sarah. I wouldn't be able to resist the uniform and the wings either."

We both laugh as we watch her get in the elevator.

"How was that supposed to help us?"

"It might not help you, but it let me get a little of that out of my system so I can control myself at work."

Suddenly, I'm struck with a case of the giggles, finding it so funny that he can be like this with me so openly when we have so much baggage between the two of us. It doesn't seem right, but at the same time seems very right.

"Are you always going to be like this?"

"With you… yes. As long as you let me."

I was right about the stares that I would encounter at work. It seemed like everyone was giving me this sympathetic look that shouts 'Poor Colonel MacKenzie didn't make it down the aisle…' I'm about to turn back around from the bullpen when I feel a hand on my shoulder, and know instantly who it is.

"Come on Marine, it's none of their business." He says calmly, guiding me through the bullpen to my office.

"I thought you were stopping for coffee."

"Changed my mind. Figured that you would need help through this one and came here instead."

"I'm a big girl, Harm, I can handle myself."

He just nods, walking into his office without a word.

Later in the day, I find a sticky note on my desk blotter that reads, "I know you're a big girl, but you're my girl. (At least for the next 12 days)" It brought a smile to my face, but I mentally slap him for putting it on my desk where anyone could have come in to drop something off and seen it. In fact, Harriet almost does.

"Ma'am? What has you smiling?" she asks, leaning over my desk to peer at the blue note before I crumple it and throw it into my trash can. I may retrieve it later like a school girl, but I have to show her that it isn't that big of a deal.

"Nothing. What do you have for me, Harriet?"

"More files from the Admiral." She says with a grimace because she has seen the stacks that Tiner has brought in as well. "I guess he was saving a lot for you."

"He was, but I owe him."

"Ma'am?"

"Nothing. Is that all?" I ask, putting off telling her that the admiral graciously gave me and Gunny permission to go off for the past month and a half on a mission I probably wasn't needed for because he knew that I needed to get away from all of it.

"I'm going to ask you this only one time, because I need to see the answer in person. If I like the answer, then I'll drop it. If I don't, I'll tell you so, and you'll know where to find me. Are you okay with everything about the wedding and Mic?"

"Harriet, as much as I wanted it and he wanted it, Mic wasn't the one I was meant to be with. It took a lot to realize it, but we both knew that it wouldn't work in the end."

"What happened?"

"I'm not in a position to say, but I'm good with all of it, Harriet. I think that I've figured out what I want and I know that Mic will find someone else along the way."

"So you figured it out, huh?" Harm says, walking into the office after I know that he was eavesdropping.

"Maybe." I counter, knowing that he's just trying to ruffle my feathers here at work and in front of Harriet.

"Well, have you figured out what you're going to do with all these cases and all this paper work?" he gestures at my now overflowing desk as Harriet says a quick goodbye to both of us to get back to her duties.

"Can you believe all this? It's like he's punishing me for being gone."

"You always were his favorite… he just missed you."

"Yeah, well."

"So, I've got about one more hour of stuff to get done before I head home, how long do you think you've got?"

"I say at least three, but I'll duck out just an hour after you do. There's always tomorrow to get more done."

"Bring it home and I can help you with it."

"Nah, it feels good to have stuff to work on. Besides, I don't want to bring it home with me."

"Why is that? I could keep you in chocolate and tea all night."

I lower my voice, feeling like it is scandalous to be talking about this thing we have going on while we're at work, "Because you said that you wanted us to go all in, just like how we would be if we were really together. I wouldn't bring my work home because I would want to have all my free time to spend with you."

"Sounds good to me." He says with that flyboy smile that makes my toes curl every time.

I stayed a little later than I said I would, but called Harm to make sure that dinner would keep while I worked.

"_Thanks for letting me know. I would have worried about you if you hadn't."_

"That's why I did. I know you worry too much."

"_Mac, I've always worried about you. Involved or not, you have always been somewhere in my mind."_

"I know that, and I appreciate that."

"_Hurry up then, and you can tell me how much you appreciate it over dinner."_

"I'll leave in about a half hour, sound good?"

"_Yes, it does."_

I hang up the phone with a smile on my face, and I may regret that later because of who walks through my door right after the phone is resting back in its cradle.

"Staying late, Colonel?" The Admiral says, walking into my office, causing me to stand to attention quickly and wipe the smile off my face.

"Sir."

"At ease, I just wanted to come in to see how you were doing."

"I've got a lot of work to catch up on, sir, but I'm grateful for it. Thank you."

"I wasn't coming to check on the work, I was coming to check on you, Mac. But I see by the smile on your face that maybe things are looking up between you and the Commander?"

"Oh… no, sir. There isn't anything that will be changing with Commander Brumby and I. There isn't going to be a wedding."

He stands to walk out and I'm shocked to hear what comes out of his mouth right before he leaves the doorway, "Colonel, I wasn't talking about Brumby."

That man has always had a keen sense of everything surround his people, so it doesn't surprise me that he has picked up on something between me and Harm. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me, with the romantic that he is, if he was thinking that this was a good thing. It would certainly be better than the two of us fighting.

When I walk in the door to the apartment, the smell is amazing and the sight is even better. He's set the table with flowers and sparkling grape juice and is asleep on the couch with his bare feet hanging off the end.

"Harm?" I say, kneeling next to him.

"Hmm?"

"I'm home, are you ready to eat?"

"Hmm?"

Clearly this isn't the way that he's going to wake up from his peaceful slumber, so I do what I know best.

"COMMANDER RABB, SNAP TO!" I yell in my best commanding Marine voice.

He jumps of the couch and nearly knocks me over when he tries to stand at attention. I don't think he realizes what just happened until he hears me laughing on the couch behind him. I can't help but laugh, and after awhile he doesn't find it so amusing. His assault on my sides has me giggling more than the Marine episode and I'm trying to get away from him, but he's pinned me down on the couch.

"Say you're sorry ninja girl, and this is over." He says, still grabbing at my sides and making me laugh even harder than before.

"Never!" I scream back at him, actually enjoying this playful banter.

"Sarah MacKenzie, you better apologize, or I won't stop." He says laughing back at me.

I then turn to my best sultry voice, "Maybe I don't want you to stop." And his hands freeze on my waist.

Of course that was the best distraction ever and I'm able to flip him off me and walk to the kitchen, leaving a very flustered Harm behind.

When he comes to, he walks up behind me and whispers down to my ear, "That wasn't playing fair, Marine."

"Oh well, I was getting hungry."

When we sit down to dinner I tell Harm about Chegwidden's comment, and he seems to not be surprised at all by our CO's actions.

"I think in some way he's been waiting for this to happen. Don't you remember him telling us to not get too close cause we would be working together?"

"I do, but I don't think it is something that he's truly prepared for. You see how bad we fight now, I can only imagine how bad it would be if we were together."

"Well, at least then we would have the makeup sex to look forward too." He says so casually that I nearly spit out my drink and begin blushing like crazy.

This gets me a laugh out of Harm who smiles my way and says, "two can always play at this game, Mac."

After I help him clean up the kitchen, we sit down on the couch to talk through our day, much like we would when we were assigned to work a case together.

"So, first day back, how was it?"

"He gave me a lot of work to do, but I understand why. Other than the work, it was bearable. People are talking behind my back and I can see people glancing my way with a sympathetic look."

"You have a lot of people that care about you, Mac, they can't help but be concerned."

"I think that Harriet and Bud are the worst. Harriet finally asked me today and said that it would be her last time asking, but I have a feeling that I'll be fielding the same question tomorrow."

"That's just Harriet and Bud, and you know that. We're two of the closest people to them, so they are concerned. Has Bud said anything to you?"

"No… I think that he's under strict orders from his wife to not talk to me."

"That would be Harriet…"

"How are you today, having me back at work?"

"I was overjoyed being able to check in on you every time I walked through the bullpen."

"Speaking of checking on me… no more notes on my desk. It was appreciated, but then Harriet walked in and I thought our cover was blown."

"I didn't sign it, she wouldn't have known anything."

"She would have figured it out."

We sit there in silence for a while then, letting dinner settle as I lean into Harm on the couch. He had put in some slow jazz while we were eating and the CD played on while we sat.

"First day coming home to me, how did you feel about that?"

"You had dinner ready and let me talk about my day… I was thrilled."

"I'm glad." He says, grabbing onto my hand then and squeezing it between his two.

"Me coming home to you, how did you feel about that?"

"I didn't appreciate the way you woke me up, but other than that, it was wonderful."

"For future reference, how do you want to be woken up?"

"I don't think we're at that stage yet, Marine." He says, gazing into my eyes and allowing one of his hands to start drawing patterns on mine.

"The PG version?"

"Kissing would have been nice."

"You really are going to always be like this, aren't you? I wouldn't have pegged you for a big PDA man."

"I'm not, actually."

"So what's with the kissy face?"

"I guess I just haven't loved someone enough to want it before."

That earns him the kiss he wanted so badly, and before I know it, we are horizontal on the couch. My brain is telling me that we are going to have to stop this before it goes any further, but my body is telling me to keep going and call in sick tomorrow so we can keep going all night long. When my hand moves to untuck his shirt, it is Harm who stops us by sitting up and moving to the end of the couch.

"You have more will power than me…" I say, trying to catch my breath while still mostly lying down on the couch.

"If your hands would have met skin, there would have been no stopping."

We're catching our breath for a while, both of us in our own thoughts about how far we would have gone if we wouldn't have had our wits.

"Don't get me wrong, Sarah, I want you. I want you so bad that it is literally painful to sit over here."

"So…"

"This has to be different. We have to realize everything else about a relationship with each other before we can venture into that part of it. We can't turn back from that."

"Maybe that's why we're here… we've just not let ourselves go there and want to scratch an itch." I say, and automatically regret it. It sounded horrible and shallow even to my own ears.

"That is why you think I wanted this? To get you into bed?"

"That's not what I meant, Harm, and you know it."

"No, actually, I don't." he says, getting up and grabbing his jacket before walking out the door.

I knew that we would mess it up somehow.


	8. Sick of Slow

**Author's note: They had to fight at least one time, right? Hopefully this makes up for all of that. Review if you would like, and enjoy! I know some people mentioned that they wouldn't walk for some comment like that. I feel like that's true, but every time they've gotten pissy with each other and thrown things back and forth, one of them has left. That's why the last one ended the way it did. Hope this makes up for those of you that did feel that way!**

I admit that the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times. At first, maybe it was being attracted to her because I never thought I could have her. But now? After all these years… it has become so much more than that, and the fact that she thinks it could still be the first hurts me more than I thought it could.

I get into my car and start the journey to my apartment before I realize that if we were all in, I wouldn't have an apartment to go to. I wouldn't be able to just walk out.

I turn myself around and park the car in front of her building before getting out and taking a few minutes to walk around the block and get my thoughts right in my head. How can I show her that it isn't what she thinks it is? How can I break her of these habits that she gets herself into?

Walking up to the door, I slip my key in the lock and peek into the living room to find no Mac. I hear movement in the kitchen and force myself to stay put and wait for her to come out.

"You came back." She says, bringing me back to the moment.

The way she said it, with such confusion made me realize just how broken she is about so much. The fact that I came back is a big step for me too, because I'm the first to walk away from a confrontation and try to never mention it again. But the way she sounds so surprised breaks my heart a little bit.

"I said that I might hurt you, didn't I? It took me about two blocks to turn back… I run too."

"I didn't mean it the way you took it." She says, starting to make her way to me from the kitchen doorway.

"You did, but that's okay. We're stupid if we don't consider that thought, aren't we?"

"We are?"

"Mac, the thought crossed my mind a long time ago about just that. And then I realized that it can't be just that after all these years. There is so much more that I'm in love with."

"So…?"

"Why don't you make our tea and we can get to bed?"

"We aren't going to talk about this?" she asks, and I can't tell if she's annoyed or relieved at the thought of not talking about it.

"We just did. I will always come back, and you need to get that in your head as much as I need to realize that I always need to come back. I could have taken the easy road and just slept at my place, but that's not all in… this is."

She nods a slight nod before heading back into the kitchen and I'm grateful that she doesn't want to continue the conversation.

The next few days pass without incident and Mac and I find that we really are great together in the day to day. If she gets home before me, she gets something for dinner and vis versa. We spend our nights talking or reading on the couch before we head in to bed. It's a quiet, simple life that I could really get used to.

Our only hiccup comes on Thursday, when the Admiral sends Mac out of town until Saturday. She's got to do some interviews in a Petty Officer's home town for one of her latest cases, which leaves me to my own devices.

I realize more now that Mac and I have gotten to spend a week together that we fit with each other. Aside from our Monday night "fight", we haven't come across anything that we've had problems with. I think it's because we are talking through everything for once. We're getting past old relationships and old wounds that have made us into who we are today. I run when it gets serious, but I want nothing but serious with this woman. I want the kids and the house in the suburbs with her more than I want to rocket off a carrier in the Atlantic. She doesn't believe that she deserves to have someone love her the way they should, and she's realizing that I'm here no matter what the baggage is.

Thursday night, I kept turning in bed to grab onto her, but she wasn't there. Staying true to our agreement, I'm at Mac's, which is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, everything reminds me of her and on the other hand, everything reminds me of her.

Friday night, I was going crazy and decided to call my Marine.

"_Hello."_

"Hey, beautiful. How's the case coming?"

"_Not fast enough. I thought that I would be able to get the last of things done this afternoon and make it home tonight, but that didn't work out."_

"I miss you… I know that it's stupid and I know that we haven't committed to anything, but I miss you."

"_I reached for the phone about five different times in the middle of the night last night just to call you and hear your voice. This is pathetic."_

"Well, as long as both of us agree that this is crazy."

"_I'll be home tomorrow. Where are you going to be?"_

"I've stayed here while you were away, but the deal was to move you in to my place for this weekend and next week."

"_I can get home and pack things up and meet you at your place by 4 tomorrow if you want."_

"Or, I can grab your stuff now while we're on the phone and you can just come straight to my place earlier than that?"

"_You just want an excuse to go through my underwear drawer, don't you?"_

"That might be my motive." I say, knowing that it is going to make her smile on the other end.

"_All right, we'll play it your way, but don't forget my stuff in the shower and my uniforms."_

"No more instructions than that?"

"_I'm testing you."_

"Maybe I don't pack any underwear at all and we can see where that goes."

"_Hmm… could be interesting. See you tomorrow."_

When I hang up the phone, I'm smiling as much as I know she was. I'll pack in the morning and head over to my place, but for now, I'm ready for bed.

Getting up in the morning is hard, but I know that there are a million things that I need to get done before Mac gets home this afternoon. I go through her closet and her dressers, packing all things that I think she could possibly need over at my place during the week and hope that I haven't forgotten everything. I grab everything I can out of the bathroom and again hope that I haven't missed anything. I know that she was kidding about testing me, but part of me really does want to impress her with my knowledge of everything that she could possibly want.

I run through the supermarket, grabbing something to make for dinner and dessert tonight before stopping at the movie store to get a few movies for tonight as well. I'm hoping this is another weekend where we just stay in and talk. If anything, this whole deal has made me love talking to Mac. I love hearing some of her stories from her early Marine days and she laughs when I tell her about my academy days with Keeter and Sturgis. We talk about the stuff that's harder to talk about too, and it's oddly comforting because I have never been able to do it before.

It's only 2:10 when I hear her at the door, knocking to have me let her in.

When the door opens, it takes all that I have to calmly grab her duffle from her and watch her hang up her coat. It then takes all that I have to stay standing when she comes at me and places both hands on either side of my face before kissing the living daylights out of me.

"I'm tired of slow." She says, mumbling while kissing me.

"We agreed, Mac." I counter as I try to catch my breath between kissing her lips and moving to kiss her neck.

"Why did we decide that again?"

"I think that we wanted to make sure we laid everything else out before taking the next step."

"Fine." She says, pushing me away and sitting on the stool near the counter.

"Fine, what?"

"Fine, what else do we have to hash out?"

"So you've made your decision?"

"No. I still have a week for that, but I want to know what else we need to talk about. Hypothetical or not, what do we need to talk about?"

"You're serious?"

"As a heart attack. Shoot."


	9. Putting It Out There

**Author's Note: All I'm sayin' is that I love them. Like I really really love them. The more I watch old episodes and see their slight reactions towards each other, the more it makes me want to let them have what I know they wanted all along. Hope you enjoy this one… it was fun to write. Review and Enjoy! And don't hate me…**

"Umm…"

"Too much, too fast?" I ask after I realize that his eyes are wide.

"Maybe?"

"I just don't know where to go with all of this, Harm. I mean we're together, but we're not really together, and I don't know what I want in the end of all this. I'm just confused, and I… I just don't know!"

He comes over to me then to grab onto my shoulders and force me to look up into his eyes. I see comfort there, and know that he is thinking all of the same things that I'm thinking. He's just doing it a lot more quietly than I am.

"What do you think you want? I mean in the future, what do you want for yourself?"

"What did I tell you once… good career, good man, and lots of shoes."

"Okay… but what else?"

This is something that we've never ventured to talk about… the future. Aside from a deal made on the steps of the JAG building we haven't really talked about where we see either of our lives going. I honestly just thought that I would be at JAG forever and wouldn't have to worry about the future. Even with Mic, I thought that I would stay right where I was and not have to worry about changing anything.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you want in the end. What do you want to do in your shoes? What do you want to do with your good man? How do you see your career in the Marines ending?"

"I don't know."

"Then let's talk about that." He says and I melt a little bit. We've been spending all this time talking about our past and getting through all of those things that make us a little bit crazy that he's right about where we go next. Now we have to talk about the future and all that we want it to hold.

He grabs a bottle of water for each of us and we sit down on the couch ready to talk about everything we need to talk about.

"So, how do we start this and what exactly is this going to mean?" I ask, still unsure about everything being laid out there on the table for discussion.

"I don't know how we start this… maybe with careers. What do you want with the Marines?"

"I love my job, and I'm proud of all that I've achieved, but I don't see myself staying in the corps til the day I die, if that makes any sense."

"What would make you get out?"

"I think that if I got a duty station that I didn't particularly like or got a chance to start a family, I would duck out gracefully. I don't want it to become something that I don't enjoy, and right now, I love it. What about you?"

"That is something that I haven't thought a lot about. I think I would be the same way, getting out if they transferred me to somewhere I really didn't want to go, or if I had a family and they needed me more than the job. I could see myself going into a private practice, but it would be for something that I cared about. Maybe family rights or something along those lines. I feel like we see a lot of that get put to the wayside doing what we do."

"Admirable."

"I know we already talked about this, but what about a family? What do you want?"

"I want as many as God can give me and I can handle."

"Really?" he says with a laugh that shows his surprise at my answer.

"I'm scared about the whole idea of it, but it doesn't make me want it any less. Wasn't it you that told me I had great maternal instincts?"

"It was, and I know that I'm right in saying that you are going to be a phenomenal mother."

"And you would be a great dad, if you want to be."

"I want. In fact as I've thought about it more and more the past few months and years, I realized how much I want it."

"How many?"

"I like your idea, but I've always thought that I would have three."

"Good number."

Silence comes over us for a little while, giving us time to think about each other's thoughts before continuing the conversation.

"When?" I finally ask, not knowing what I want his response to be.

"As soon as I can."

"Why?"

"Because I know that I'm ready for it, and I want it."

"But why do you want it."

"When I saw you getting ready to marry Brumby, it was like I saw my whole future flashing and dying before my eyes. Even though we hadn't talked about it and we hadn't even really thought about it, I saw you about to have that with someone else and it upset me more than I would like to admit."

"You had Renee though, you knew she wanted the commitment. Hell, I knew she wanted the commitment."

"But she wasn't the one I was committed to."

"Harm…"

"Haven't you wondered why we get out of our relationships? I was more upset that you were mad about me going back to flying than I was about Jordan being upset. And what was it that you said to me before you left to be with Dalton, 'it's no Tomcat'. We've always had this unspoken pull over each other that we haven't been able to admit, and I love that I can finally tell you that no matter what happens, you're it for me."

When he puts it out there like that, I can't help but love him more than I already do for it. In my mind I'm saying yes to anything that he ever asks me and I'm committing myself to him for the rest of my life. I can't say it out loud though, so what does that make me? A coward? Scared? Unable to love completely?

"What if I can't be all of this for you?"

"Mac, you already are. You don't have to be any more or less than you are right now, because I love you right now. I love the way your eyebrow raises when I say something questionable in front of the Admiral. I love that you are so beautiful and have absolutely no clue. I love that you had the guts to put it all out there for me in Sydney, and had the guts to ask me why it didn't work later. I love that you have questioned every little thing about this past week because you were worried that if it didn't work you would lose us. We're never going to be lost."

That statement is what breaks me.

"God, I love you."

Silence.

Did I actually just say that out loud? I think I did, because he isn't saying anything. He's just looking at me and I don't know what to say. No, I do.

"I do. I love you. And it is probably the hardest thing I've ever said, which makes me believe that it has to be true. Any time those words came out of my lips before, it was too easily."

"Are we done?"

"Huh?"

"Are we done with the questions? Do you think there's anything else we need to bring out into the open?"

"Me? You were the one who said we needed to do this."

"I know, but I'm just making sure."

"I think we're good."

"Good." He says, standing up and walking away from me.

Wait, what just happened? I told him that I loved him and he walked away from me. Did he not believe me?

I'm sitting there contemplating what just transpired when suddenly, he's sitting beside me on the couch, pushing the hair off my neck to trail kisses from the hinge of my jaw to my collarbone.

"Was I not clear?"

"No."

"Hmm… maybe I need to work on that."

He clasps my hand in his and stands me up in front of him, kissing his way to my lips as he unbuttons his own shirt and throws it down next to us.

"Getting more clear?"

Oh yeah. Crystal.


	10. The Morning After

**Author's Note: Okay, I'm worried that people are going to be mad about what just went down with this, but I feel like they wouldn't be able to wait much longer. I didn't want them tearing off each other's clothes the first night (though I do think that's what they did in real…umm.. JAG life), but I also didn't want them waiting til the wedding night either. Hope you still like how it's being played out. And yes… it will continue in its cheesiness… :) Review and Enjoy!**

Best Sunday morning ever. At least that is the first thought I have when I wake up next to her. I would venture to even say best morning ever. I watch her in the morning sunlight and constantly play the events of last night over in my head. She said that she loves me. She finally said it out loud and I said it, and we both wanted it at the same time. We were finally there at the same time. I'm sure that there was some kind of rift in time that had to occur to make this possible.

"What are you thinking about so loudly over there?"

"You, of course." I say, hearing the sleepiness still in her voice.

"I'm not getting up."

"I don't plan on making you. In fact, I may call the Admiral and retire us both, because frankly, I don't want to ever get out of this bed as long as you're in it."

"How exactly are you going to explain that one to the Admiral?"

"I haven't thought through all the words, but I'm sure he'll understand."

"You're ridiculous, Harmon Rabb." She says, hitting my chest before turning her back towards me to curl up under the covers once again.

I place a small kiss on her shoulder, which grants me the sigh that I so cleverly was searching for. I want to hear that sigh every morning for the rest of my life.

"Yeah, but you love me."

"I do…"

"What made you finally say it?"

"I don't know. I just knew that I had to."

"No regrets for how fast this went down?" I ask, genuinely concerned that we may have accelerated a little bit too quickly for her taste.

"No regrets. I think that this was written in the stars for a while now."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Is it fair of me to say that I don't know where yet? I mean, I know, but I don't know if I'm ready to put it all out there like we did last night."

"It's fair. I told you two weeks, but I'll give you two months or two decades if you need it."

"Really?"

"As long as we still get to do this."

She turns then, with a smile on her face that just melts me to the core. Her looks are lethal to any man, and I don't know how I can impress that upon her.

"Define this."

"I just want to be with you, Mac. Strings or no strings, I want to be with you."

"So you aren't using me for my body?"

"That's just a benefit that I'm very happy to take part in."

"And I'm a willing participant as well."

I smile back down at her and my next breath lets out an "I love you" that couldn't be held in. The banter, the give and take that has always defined us, is just one of the amazing reasons why she is who she is to me.

"You gave me an answer once, but I don't believe that you were entirely honest."

"I'm always honest with you, Mac."

"No… you hesitated before you answered, so I'm going to re-ask the question."

I settle down beside her, forcing her to come up on one elbow to look down at me so her eyes can meet mine. She takes a few breaths in and out and I can see her eyes searching mine.

"When you look at me that way, what do you see?"

"Everything."

"Everything?"

I bring the hand between us to my lips, kissing each fingertip while I explain, "my future, my past, my mistakes, my triumphs, the best part of me, the worst part of me, just… everything."

" I don't know… I feel like a few of those were insults." She says in a way that tells me she's searching for an explanation and not a fight.

"The worst part of me came out in my jealousy… whether it was when we first started working together and I wanted so badly to beat you that…"

"You shot an automatic weapon in open court?"

"No one's ever going to let me live that down, are they?" I ask, laughing because even I think back and realize how ridiculous that is as Mac shakes her head.

"Or I was jealous of another man like Dalton or Brumby. The mistakes include any time I ever hurt you or the times that I pushed you away when I should have been clinging to you with everything I had. You told me that I've seen you at your best and your worst. You've seen me through the same."

"Thank you." She says simply, moving so her ear lays above my heart.

"For what?"

"For just being you."

"I'm glad that I can be of service in that department."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do."

"Harm?"

"Hmm?" I question without real words, nearly falling back asleep in the warmth of the bed and the soft light of the morning sun filtering in.

"What are we doing today?"

"This."

"All day?"

"I missed you, Sarah, and all I want to do is lay in bed with you all day and hear how the rest of your week was or have you tell me about the book I know you finished while you were gone. I want to spend a lazy day knowing that you and I finally figured it all out at the same time."

"And tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is the start of another week that's looking a lot brighter than the weeks previous."

"You're such a romantic."

"Just don't tell Sturgis… or Bud."

"I understand the old academy buddy, but why can't Bud know that you're a big romantic?"

"Because I'm pretty sure that I still intimidate Bud… and if he knows that I could make poetry about how beautiful you are when all you're draped in is bed sheets, or that I long to spend lazy days in bed reading or talking just to be with you… he's going to beat me in court."

"If you only told him about the draped in bed sheets and days in bed… you'd sound pretty macho."

"You would allow me to tell Bud about our sex life?" I exclaim, knowing that she said it just to get a rise out of me.

"We have a sex life? Huh…"

"What do you mean, huh?"

"Twice a life does not make…" she says and I catch the glimmer in her eye as she trails a hand up the side of my face

"A whole day has to be at least worth something, right?"

"We should probably find out." She says nodding as I lean in to kiss her.

We spent a great deal of the day right where we started it, but not in a frenzied, tangled mess like one would think. That was just one small part of our day. All the questions that we started to answer last night were talked about again and all the answers were laid out there to examine and discuss.

"Let's really talk about work… what do you want to do?" I ask her, knowing that was something she had been thinking about earlier in the week as well.

"Well, as you said, the rules say that nothing needs to be done unless something more permanent occurs."

"And?"

"Is it wrong of me to want to keep this under wraps as we move forward?"

"As long as you can give me a good reason why."

"We both just came out of long relationships and I don't want anyone to think that we are each other's rebound, or to cheapen anything between the two of us."

"Mac, you and I both know that the entire office was waiting for this to happen all along. Like you said, even the Admiral has his suspicions."

"That's another thing… when we figure out what all this means, I want him to know as soon as possible. Mainly to cover our sixes."

"That's fine with me. I could shout it in the middle of the bullpen tomorrow if you wanted me to."

"I know you could, but I've never been that person, and you know it."

"Yeah, I know, but I want everyone to know that we finally figured this whole thing out."

"What if we've got to move around?"

"Like transfers and things like that?"

She nods her head and I think about what would be best for the two of us in this situation. Mac's the COS here at JAG, which would make easier for me to move on, but she hinted earlier that she wouldn't mind transferring over to the judiciary leg of JAG.

"I say that if it is necessary, we give the Admiral options. You said you'd like to try your hand at being a judge and I wouldn't mind doing some work over at the Pentagon or the capitol so you could keep your Chief of Staff position."

"And hand you over to Bobbi Lathem? I think not."

"I wouldn't ask to work with her, Mac, but I know that she would be willing to pull strings for me to get with someone interesting."

"I think that giving him options is good, but I'm hoping that nothing has to change."

"We're his two senior most officers and damn good lawyers… he doesn't want us to go."

"Maybe you're right. I just… I think that part of the reason why the two of us didn't really go off in the first place was because of our work. I don't want that to be a factor now."

"It won't be."

"Promise?" she asks me, and I can't help but think about the promises I've made to her before.

"Mac, I'd quit the Navy if it meant that I could have you with me forever."

"You wouldn't."

"Don't make me prove it to you." I say, as seriously as I can for her to understand that it is something that I would do in a heartbeat for her if she asked me to or if it became something that kept the two of us apart.

She wraps her arms around me then, letting her head fall back to my chest in this comfortable pose that we've found suits us. She can hear my heart beat, which soothes her, and I can smell the scent of her shampoo and wrap my fingers in her hair, which soothes me. It's where we've spent most of the day, holding each other, talking to each other… trying to figure it all out.

I smile realizing it is how we are going to wake up in the morning as well.


	11. Future Dreams

**Author's Note: I'm having so much fun writing this fic! This has been a blast to create what I would like to have happened with these characters. Yes, I like the dramatic talks and the insecurities, but it's how I feel they are with each other. Hoping that you are still enjoying it. More randomness is coming soon! Review if you liked it, or would like to share an idea! Thanks for reading! P.s…. the cold has resurfaced, so you may get some more updates frequently this weekend.**

As I slowly come awake, I have the horrible realization that it is Monday. I spent the last part of the week out of town, came home to Harm… felt like I planned out the rest of my life, and now I've got to go to work. It isn't really the way I wanted to spend my day. In fact, I could use another day where Harm and I lay in bed and talk and… well… we're really good at the other part of that scenario as well.

His kiss to my neck as I'm feigning sleep, however, tells me that we do have to get out of bed.

"For someone who suffered from insomnia for the majority of her life, you have been sleeping like a rock."

I turn around in bed to smile at him, "I think it's the company."

It really is, even though he snorts in my general direction at the comment. I've suffered for so long with not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep. When I'm with him, it all seems to settle. It's like my mind shuts off for me to go to sleep because it knows that he's there to take care of some of the burden on my soul.

"I'm glad that you're finally sleeping. Maybe the demons will go away."

"You're always going to try to fix me, aren't you?" I say, not meaning it in a way that suggests I hate his protectiveness, but in a way that means that I love how he cares about me.

"You aren't broken, Mac… you're just a little cracked in some places. If I can mend it a little and make you feel better and be the person you want to be, then so be it."

I kiss him then, knowing that he is never going to judge me based on my past the way most do.

"Marine, we aren't getting in to work very quickly if you keep that up."

"We've spent the past day and a half confining our relationship to this bed and this apartment, can you blame me for not wanting to face the day?"

"You and I are the same people we've always been, Mac. We've always been an unstoppable duo in the JAG office, and that isn't going to stop just because we've taken the next step between us."

"They say sex changes everything."

"I feel like the conversations the two of us had even before this was a hell of a lot more intimate than any physical encounter we could share." He starts and stops when he sees me raise my eyebrows in surprise. Then he continues, "Best of my life… it was the first time I felt like I was making love with a woman… so yes, that was amazing and beautiful and everything that I think I've fantasized about since we met. But you telling me you love me, sharing with me what you want out of the future, saying that you want me to be the father of your children. That means more."

"And that doesn't change us in the work place?"

"I've always had those feelings, Sarah. You know that. I feel like if anything, our work is going to be amazing because we aren't stepping on eggshells around each other trying to keep feelings in."

"I never thought of it that way."

"That's why you have me."

I smile at him as he grabs his boxers and gets out of bed to go make coffee, I assume.

I assume correctly, because by the time I'm dressed, coffee and a small breakfast are sitting on the counter for us to start our day. He kisses me before popping a grape in his mouth and moving into the bedroom to change as well.

When we walk through the Bullpen this Monday morning, I feel none of the same feelings I felt last week. I was worried about people watching me and thinking about Mic and I and all of the drama that happened before I left. This week, I'm just thinking that I'm happy and this will be a good week… busy, but good.

The Admiral calls us into his office almost immediately after I sit myself down at my desk, so I walk by Harm's office to "pick him up" and we get let in by Tiner who's looking a bit nervous.

"At ease" he says, motioning for us to sit down in front of him.

"I recently had some orders come across my desk for a few things I'm not too fond of, but nevertheless, they need to be done." He says, turning toward me with a stern look. "Colonel, you are going to be handing your cases over to Commander Rabb for the next two weeks."

"Sir?" I ask, worried that I'm being sent off somewhere after I just got back from a long bout away from everything.

"Apparently every judge we've got decided to either take leave or get sick this week. I've been asked to cover this with my senior staff. I chose you, Mac."

"Oh." I say, and then smile.

Apparently, Harm is smiling for the same reason as I am, because the next thing I hear is the Admiral clearing his throat.

"Is there something that both of you find amusing?"

"Actually sir,-" Harm starts, but is quickly cut off by my loud, "No!"

When he looks at me with his questioning glance, I realize how loud and how odd the whole exchange must have sounded to the Admiral.

"Colonel!"

"Sorry, sir. I just didn't want Commander Rabb to…"

"To what, Colonel?"

I don't know how to exactly answer that question when Harm steps in and covers for me, "She and I were talking the other day and she had mentioned that she wouldn't mind sitting on the bench a few times to get her feet wet with the idea."

"Are you thinking about putting in a transfer request, Colonel?"

"No, sir. I just wonder if it would make me a better lawyer to sit on the bench for some cases and really see some of my colleagues in action."

"Well then, I guess you get your wish. Why don't the two of you spend the morning catching up on Colonel MacKenzie's caseload and then you can check the schedule for what's coming up this week."

We both stand, knowing that we have essentially been dismissed and give off a sharp, "Aye, sir."

"Dismissed."

I don't know why the whole thing flustered me, but I walk right past our offices to the bathroom before Harm can talk to me about my small outburst. I don't know why, but the idea of the Admiral knowing that something was going one was not something that I was ready for yet. Harm must have thought I was crazy.

Obviously not too crazy because he was leaning against the wall outside the bathroom with coffee in hand when I got out, "You want to talk about that now, or when we get home."

"Home."

The rest of the day passed without incident as Harm and I worked through my cases that I would be handing off to him. I know that he knows what he's doing, but I always worry about turning a case over to someone else. I spend the time getting to know everyone involved or thinking out the scenarios in my head. I play through the trials in my mind until I come out with the one favoring my client. To turn it over means I lose control over something that I really worked hard on.

When we get to his apartment, all I want to do is put on pajamas and curl up on the couch with a book. Harm has other ideas up his sleeve.

"Go to your place, get on a dress and some heels and lets go out."

"Tonight?... Harm, it was a long day."

"I know. That's why I want us to go out. Last week wasn't a stressful week for either of us. This week, when the Admiral switched you around, it became a bit stressful. We need to try to leave all that at work. We can't bring that home with us and lug it around all night."

"Flats and a dress is all I'm going for."

"If you've got another sexy black dress in your closet, you might have a deal."

"I guess we'll just have to see."

As I'm driving back to my apartment, I'm realizing that I've always brought work home with me. It's a refreshing idea that he wants us to leave it all at the door considering we're both such workaholics. The thought puts a smile to my face and I muster up enough energy to doll myself up a little bit for him tonight.

"You look amazing."

"I don't, but thank you for thinking so."

"You can't accept a compliment, can you Mac?"

"Nope."

"I'm going to break you of that, you know."

"Oh really? How?"

"By telling you how beautiful you are every day of the rest of my life."

"I don't think that will always be the case…"

"I do." He says, ushering me out the door so we can go on our date for the evening.

"What are we doing tonight?"

"I thought we could do dinner again and then go for a walk."

"And you wanted heels?"

"After you changed your mind to flats, I changed my mind for our date."

"Fair enough" I say, sensing the smirk on my own lips as I say it.

We eat a lovely meal and are having a great time when he starts talking again about the future. We spend the majority of our partnership not even touching the idea of the future, but apparently now that it is out there, we are constantly talking about everything under the sun.

"So, I was thinking about something as I was driving to get you this evening."

"And what was that?" I say, not having any clue as to where this was going.

"What do you like in a house?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… in the future, when you envisioned your family and your big pile of shoes, what did you see in your home?"

"I don't know… I don't think that I've really taken the time to think about that. I've always lived by myself since I've gotten older and had different apartments. A house hasn't crossed my mind."

"Okay, stop." He says, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye more intensely than I've seen before tonight. "Close your eyes."

"Harm…"

"No, I want you to think about it now. Think about a family and friends and a house that you call a home for the majority of the rest of your life, and describe it to me."

"I need more than that." I say, not necessarily thinking up a picture in my head.

"A big dog running through the yard with your little boy. Maybe a baby girl on your hip while you're sitting on the porch watching them play."

A smile comes to my face as I picture that scene, placing Harm with the little dark haired boy and the Golden Retriever I've picked as our future dog. I look down at a beautiful baby girl and turn to see a long porch that wraps around most of the house. The inside has hardwood on the ground floor with a huge family room , and a big kitchen off to the side. There's a dining room in there too, with a table made for big family dinners that I never had growing up. Upstairs there's a master suite with an attached bathroom. The tub is big enough for two, but perfect for a long soak on the weekends for one. Next to our room is a nursery with light pinks and greens for the baby girl I assume sleeps in here. Plush cream carpet tickles my feet as I continue down the hall to find a little boy's plane themed room, a guest room, an office, and a room left empty.

"What's the empty room for?" Harm asks.

I answer immediately with, "More babies." Before I realize that I had apparently thought the whole picture out loud.

"Sounds perfect."

"Yeah."

"At least now I know what I'm looking for."

"Harmon Rabb, you are not buying a house!" I say, smacking his shoulder as we start to walk again.

"Why not?"

"Because… because…" Crap. I can't think of a reason to give him right now.

"Mac, you can't tell me I can't unless you have a reason that goes beyond being scared to take the plunge."

"Fine… go buy a house." I say, making him kiss me on the cheek before taking my hand in his and walking the way back to his car.

"I'm just thinking about things more now."

"I know. Me too."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"How am I coming out in those thoughts?" he asks a little more nervously than I would think given the past few days.

"You're the love of my life. I just don't know what I want to do with that yet."

"Fair statement."

He pauses for a moment and then asks, "Is that why you wigged out with Chegwidden today?"

"Yes… I thought you were going to out us."

"I wouldn't do that without talking to you, first of all. And second of all, I thought you said you wanted the Admiral to be the first to know."

"I did, but I wanted it to be on our terms. We set up that we need to discuss something with him, it doesn't just come out in the middle of some random staffing switch."

"Okay, that's fair enough."

"You keep putting it out there that it's fair for me to feel this way, but I don't think it is!" I finally scream at him using that same term yet again this evening.

"But it is, Sarah."

"Not if you have this whole elaborate future planned out."

"Just because I have it planned and I'm thinking about it doesn't mean that the whole idea of it doesn't scare the crap out of me."

"It does?"

"Yes."

"Good."


	12. Almost

**Author's Note: I love writing this, but it's sooooo hard. I've got these big picture things that I can see in my head and I can see playing out in writing, but sometimes it just takes so long to get there! Don't worry though, I've still got plenty planned out. Makes me happy that you guys are reviewing and enjoying it though. I especially like the reviews with the funny commentary thrown in… makes me smile. Hope you enjoy this installment and review if you would like!**

It seemed that the week was passing by too quickly by the time we got to Wednesday and Harm was working late on one of my old cases. Being just as stubborn as me though, he refused to let me help him with the work, which meant that I was home alone.

The man doesn't do television, so I'm forced to look through his choices of books… which sadly leave a lot to the imagination. He's clearly a pilot and a lawyer. Any idiot could figure this out based on his book collection, which surprises me because he's always fine with sitting with me on the couch this past few weeks to read. That is something that people don't know about me… I love to read. That is partly why I come up with those strange facts and rebuttals to Harm's random comments. I read and learn and like to share my knowledge without letting anyone in on where I got it.

I'm thumbing through some other books when I spy a picture album and go back and forth in my head about looking at it or not. I end up glad that I did, because I get to see Harm's childhood and early adulthood in an entirely different light.

He's mortified when I'm caught looking through the album, but I dismiss him to go change with a flick of my wrist and a smirk in his direction. When he comes back, he just sits down next to me and starts looking over my shoulder at the pictures with me.

"How old were you here?" I ask, pointing to a picture of a very young Harmon Rabb with his mother on what appears to be a dock somewhere.

"I think I was like nine. Mom used to take me out to this lake in northern California for weekends and we would go up with some of her friends and their kids. It was basically the best kind of vacation you could get."

"Which is what?"

"Sitting around, doing nothing. Swimming, hiking, exploring the area around you with no care in the world."

"Sounds really nice."

"We should do that… go there one week."

"To California?"

"Yeah, my mom and Frank own a place at that lake now. They might be willing to let us use it for a week if we promise to drop by La Jolla to visit them."

"You think the Admiral is going to let his two senior JAGs just go off on vacation together whenever they want?"

"For a honeymoon, I bet he might."

"Nope. I want somewhere tropical for that. All I want to pack is flip flops, a bikini, and maybe a cover up."

"Maybe?" he says with a gulp as his focus seems to turn to my lips.

"Down boy… we've got to get through at least the work week here."

He shakes his head and laughs while heading to the kitchen to get something to drink.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Nope, did you?"

"No."

"Good, because dinner is actually on the way. I had all intentions of coming home and cooking you dinner, but I got sidetracked. When I took a break I saw what time it was and ordered us some food for the evening."

"How long have you been sitting here with these pictures?"

"For a while. I didn't have much else to do, and it was a great way to pass the time. I liked seeing the pictures of you growing up and the pictures of you and your dad when you were younger. It made me be more appreciative of where you came from."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… I just think about all of the things that people go through in their life, and what they have become. You told me that forgetting my past wasn't something I should do, because it is a testament to who I have become, and you're right. We are who we are because of the hardships of our past. You may not have become the kind, loving man that you are today without losing your father at such a young age. I may not have learned to persevere through anything had I not had the childhood I had."

"I like that idea… and I like that you are thinking about your past in that light now."

"You just like that you were right." I say in a monotone that causes him to laugh at me, which makes me believe that at least part of my statement is correct.

It was then that the knock at the door signaled time for food. It saved him from admitting that he loved being right.

We talked through our day, which both of us agreed was not necessarily bringing work home, but recapping on the day we had, no matter what it was. It was good to hear about the regular goings on in the JAG office while I was confined to a courtroom for most of the week.

The thing that surprised me most about sitting on the bench was how much I enjoyed it. You still had to be well versed in the case that was being presented, so research was still done. You got to listen to both points while also thinking to yourself what points you yourself would argue if you were the one prosecuting or defending. I told Harm that it was something I could see myself doing and enjoying, and that seemed to make him happy.

"Whatever makes you happy, Mac. I'm glad that you're enjoying the switch."

"So when or if the Admiral asks one of us to leave, I'd like to formally request that I change to the bench."

"You don't have to make that decision now, you know that."

"I do, but I want to know that I'm secure in what I'm doing. We talked about our careers, and right now, I'm not done yet. If I want to be done in the future when a family is started, then I would like to be sure that I came out of the Marine Corps having loved doing my service."

"Since when do you think so much about the future?"

"I don't know, I guess you bring it out of me." I say, grabbing both of our plates and rinsing them in the sink before putting them in the dishwasher.

"I love how at home you are here." He says from behind me as he puts his arms around my waist while I'm washing my hands from doing the dishes.

"And I love how at home you were at my place."

"Thank you for dinner tonight."

"It isn't homemade or anything like that."

"I know, but you still thought of it."

"You're welcome."

"Hey Mac?" he says, starting to rub small circles at my hip.

"Hmm?" I respond, leaning back into him, trusting that he'll support me no matter what.

"I'm tired."

"Really? It's only 8—" I stop when I turn to see the glimmer in his eye that tells me he certainly isn't tired.

"Oh… you know, so am I."

"Why don't you get in bed and I'll lock up out here for the night?"

I nod and make my way to the bedroom where I realize that I only brought two shirts to sleep in, which means I need to use one of Harm's. It's of course then that I see the small box in the corner of the drawer, my hands itching to touch it and frozen at the thought.

"I'd put it on your finger right now if you would let me."

I jump then, not realizing that he was there, and blush at being caught snooping yet again this evening.

"I'm sorry. I just needed a shirt to sleep in, and I… I shouldn't have gone into your drawer."

"No, it's fine, and I meant what I said." He says, walking over to me and grabbing onto the box, preparing to open it.

"Don't." I say, covering his hand, not sure why I want him to stop and not sure what I want to happen next. "Not now."

"Why?"

"Do you remember what happened in Sydney with Mic?"

"All I know is there was a ring on your finger when you came to the airport."

"Yeah, well, that was because I was too… I don't know… weak or stupid to say no to him. I let him put the ring on my right hand and kept it there for months while I contemplated marrying a man that I hadn't even really dated. I don't want that again. When you ask me, and I'm ready, I want it to be a moment that I can say that I put the ring on my finger and never ever wanted it to come off. I want to know that I am making a decision for the rest of my life."

"What about when you switched Mic's ring from your right to your left?"

"He was leaving me… He would have left if I hadn't switched it, and I didn't know what to do."

"You know, that day is forever etched in my mind…"

"Why?"

"Kate Pike was there, remember? And before she said goodbye I told her that I was sad to see her go, and do you know what she said to me?"

"No."

"She said something that made it all snap into focus again, she said, 'Harm, the last thing you need is a 3rd woman in your life.' To which I asked her where she came up with three and she said, 'me, Renee, and Mac.' When I said we weren't involved, she just got a smile on her face and walked away. Then I looked over to you and Mic standing there celebrating your engagement and I thought, 'Crap. I might not get my chance.'"

I would be lying if I told him that I didn't remember that exact moment, only because I had my eye on him that entire time. He was off talking to what I assumed was an old flame, which had made me insanely jealous, which I had no right to feel. I remember him looking back to me and not being able to take my eyes off his, but forcing myself to look back to Mic.

"Why did we let ourselves do this?"

"I don't know."

"I hated that you were over talking to her… I remember being irked about it then."

"While you were celebrating with your new fiancé?" he says with a playfully accusing tone.

"As I recall, while we were at my engagement party, we spent the entire evening outside, and ended up making out right before the cake was cut."

"It was my last chance."

"I love you Harm, but I need the time."

He just nods and places the box back in the top of his drawer, then pulls me in for a kiss.

"I don't know why you went in there anyways… we aren't going to sleep anytime soon." He says with a wiggle of his eyebrows and that flyboy grin that has become my undoing.


	13. One of Those Days

**This is the corrected version of the last chapter posted... sorry for the inconvenience, but something went weird with the last upload... hope it didn't throw too many off!**

**Author's Note: This is a super short chapter, only because it is leading up to something… sorry about that, but I promise that an update is coming soon. In the meantime, you should write your own fics! Glad you are all still reading. Thanks for reviewing!**

Have you ever had one of those days where your body was so physically exhausted and your mind couldn't shut off, so you were sure you were going to go crazy? That would be my day.

Wednesday night seems like a lifetime ago from now, where I'm sitting, curled up with Mac in bed on Friday morning.

It all started with the case that I had stayed late to work on at the office. Now that we have been together and started agreeing that work was a thing that should stay at work, I've really been working hard to make that stay true. So Wednesday night, I came home to Mac and we ended the evening in the best way possible. It was Thursday morning that it all hit the fan, with the Admiral calling to wake me up (enter Mac) to go deal with something regarding the Ensign I was prosecuting.

I vaguely heard her when she picked up the phone with a groggy, "hello?"

My ears snapped to, however, when I heard the next words out of her mouth, "Oh, Admiral! What's wrong." Pause. "If you're trying to get ahold of Commander Rabb, why are you contacting me?" Pause. "Oh, ummmmm…" Pause. "Yes, sir."

She closed the cell phone and turned to me with wild eyes, "That was the Admiral."

"So I gathered, what did he have to say?"

"You need to get down to Bethesda. Your Ensign got a little roughed up in a new bar fight… but more importantly… that was the Admiral… and that was your phone."

"What do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know. I didn't think he was going to find out about this for a while."

"So be proactive about it, just like we said. We are testing the waters, and tell him that it hasn't interfered with our work as of yet, and we don't intend it to."

"You're going to Bethesda, you're going to make me do this alone?"

"It's either be proactive when you get there or wait until he calls both of us into his office later this week."

"Crap."

I don't find out until later that evening what happened in the Admiral's office and that is only over the phone.

"_So, what's happening over there?"_

"Well, the Ensign now is clearly showing he has rage issues, which has kept me here all day long and I'm sorry for that."

"_No, it's fine. Are you going to be there all night?"_

"With the way things are going right now, all signs are pointing to yes. How was your day? Anything interesting happen?"

"_Are you trying to ask me about what happened with the Admiral?"_

"So you did go talk to him? What did he say?"

"_It was actually quite amusing because I brought it up and he said to me that and I quote 'he was so sorry for the mix up about the phones this morning'"_

"Wait, so he thought he had dialed you instead?"

"_No, that was the thing… because then he asked if he could speak freely, to which I replied that he was the Commanding Officer and he could do whatever he wanted."_

"And?"

"_and he proceeded to tell me about how, if, in the near future, there were some people under his command that found themselves in a romantic relationship, they would be able to come speak to him without punishment. If those two people, as he assumes, find themselves being in a more permanent romantic relationship, then they would have to talk to him about the possibility of a transfer for one. And then he concludes by saying that he should charge us both for disobeying orders."_

"What?"

"_Yeah, that was my reaction, to which he reminded me that on our first case he did warn the two of us to not get too close."_

"Anything else?"

"_I believe that his parting words to me were somewhere along the lines of 'it's about damn time' and 'I'm glad the two of you came to your senses.' All in all, I think it went well."_

"See, you were worried."

"_Still am. I don't know how I feel about the Admiral knowing about us."_

"Why?"

"_The man was going to give me away to Mic Brumby at my wedding. He had to have at least some fondness for the guy."_

"Are you forgetting that he said that he was glad we came to our senses? Knowing the Admiral, he would have found a way to make sure what was supposed to happen happened. He just wants you happy, Mac."

"_Why is that?"_

"I don't know. I feel like he thinks of all of us like his older, more obnoxious children. He's got to feel some kind of protectiveness over us."

"_Hmm…"_

As I'm talking I realize that another Navy Commander is headed my way, meaning that I need to cut the conversation short and get back to work.

"Hey, Mac, I've got to go. I've got some people waiting for me. I may make it home or I may not. But, I love you."

"_Love you too."_

I hang up realizing that no matter how the rest of this day goes, I have Mac. I actually have Mac with me, beside me. It's a feeling that I was used to thinking was never going to happen. Now that it is, it's something that I can't even describe.

As the night draws on, it becomes more and more evident that this Ensign is guilty. The defending attorney is now just grasping at straws as he talks to me about sentencing. We haven't even gone to trial yet, but he knows that he's going to lose. By the time I get home, I can't actually fall asleep. I've been going and going all day long that my brain doesn't stop.

"Harm?" she says, hearing me walk into the bedroom.

"Did I wake you up?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"I thought that we broke this sleepless habit of yours, Marine?"

"Yeah, you broke the habit. I don't see you in this bed, so I'm not sleeping."

"Well, this could be a problem for you if we ever have to go off somewhere."

"I'm sure I can manage. How bad was it, today?"

"I honestly don't even know why I had to be there. It was a young JAG attorney, not out of our office who was defending, and he needed a babysitter."

"From the prosecution?" she asks with a raise eyebrow and a tone that I fell in love with.

"My point."

"And now?"

"I can't shut it off. I'm so tired, but my mind is still in that hospital with that idiot attorney."

"Can I help?"

"You're here… at least for one more day."

"Why one more day?"

"The deal ends tonight, doesn't it?"

"Oh, yeah, your proposition had a two week time limit, didn't it?"

"It did."

"Thoughts on that?"

"Right now, I have nothing… you?"

"It's late… or early… let's just go to bed."

We fall asleep almost instantly when wrapped in each other's arms, but not before I planned out my weekend… without Mac.


	14. Given Time

**Author's Note: So begins some of the stuff that I originally intended… I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! Review if you would like!**

He was gone.

It wasn't how I expected to wake up this sunny Saturday morning, but this is what I got. I was actually surprised that I didn't hear him wake up and move around at all now that I think about it. Calling out his name revealed that he wasn't just gone from the bed, but he was gone.

That's when I find it… sitting on the kitchen counter in all its glory is the box from a few nights ago with a note underneath it.

_Sarah,_

_We said that two weeks was it. If we thought that we were meant to be together, then we would. If we weren't sure or we didn't feel that way, then the dance was over and we would go back to being Harm and Mac. I know what I want, which is why I left you here this morning. I'll be in Blacksburg with my other Sarah for the rest of the weekend. This weekend is for you. The deadline is up, and I know that you love me. You have shown me and told me as much these past two weeks. In fact, if we don't end up forever, I will be forever grateful for what we had these past two weeks._

_You told me the other night that you hated how everything went down with Brumby. All the sudden you were wearing a ring on your right hand… and then all the sudden you had switched it. You told me that you wanted to take the time to decide. You wanted it to be right. I want it to be right for you too. So I am asking you right now, Sarah MacKenzie, will you marry me? The ring is right here and the choice is yours. Take these next few days to think about what you want. If you aren't ready… if something is holding you back… then maybe I was wrong this whole time. If you are ready… then I'll see you Monday at JAG with the ring in its proper place._

_Now… when you say yes (I know it's cocky of me to assume), and we have to tell everyone how I proposed, please don't tell them I was a coward or anything like that. I know you may think that I am for running away, but we did have a deal. I wasn't going to go back on that two week promise I made you. I want to give you the time to think about it. Know that I love you either way._

_Love,_

_Harm_

I'm sure that I reread the note at least a dozen times, but I'm focused on the second paragraph… sixth sentence… he asked me to marry him. He asked me to marry him and left so I could decide. I don't think that's cowardly. In fact I think that it was probably harder for him to walk away from me and leave this than it would have been for him to stay and hash this out with me in person. He's right. I need my time to think.

About what, I don't know. The man clearly loves me like no other has loved me before. It was never about appearances for him. He took me as I am and encouraged me to realize just what I am. He has always embraced my past and encouraged me to explore it. He has stuck with me even when I pushed him so far away. I would walk to the ends of the earth for him. I've almost died for him. I love him too.

I still need the time though. He's right.

I also need a second opinion.

Ask me how I got here so quickly, and I couldn't tell you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to give Harm a heart attack by most likely being late on Monday. I needed this though, and as I walk through the doors into a private room, I'm greeted with the smile that I needed.

"Sarah!"

"Uncle Matt… you look good."

"As good as an old prisoner can get, I guess."

"No, you look really good."

"Let's sit." He says, with a look that tells me he already knows that something is up.

"I need you for something."

"I can see that. You okay?"

"Yes… I'm fine. I just have a decision to make."

"About the Marines?"

"No."

"Okay…?"

"God… this is going to sound so stupid. In fact, I can't believe I actually came out here."

"It's a man, isn't it?"

Obviously, my deer caught in the headlights look to him explained all he needed to know.

"Commander Rabb?"

"How…" I start to question, considering he's only really met the man once.

"He calls about me every now and then. He checks to see that I'm doing all right. I've even talked to him a handful of times since I've been able to."

"About?"

"How it is here… you…"

"Me?"

"You are the tie that binds, Sarah. Of course we talk about you. I had to make sure that someone was watching out for my niece while I was in here."

"So, he's been your informant?"

"No, I'm just able to get the information out of him."

"Again, I say, about?"

"Your father dying, how hard that was on you. Your mom coming the day he died. Your promotion. Your engagement."

I blush then, realizing that I never called Uncle Matt about it.

"Why didn't you tell me, Sarah?"

"There was a lot going on. I didn't—"

"You knew it wasn't going to happen."

"No, I wanted it to happen." I say with determination.

"You did. I believe that, just not with the 'Aussie Clown', as Rabb put it. So… now you're here, with no ring on your finger, to obviously talk about a man… who I assume is Commander Rabb."

"He asked me to marry him."

"He asked me too." He says with a laugh that just makes me more mad.

"Uncle Matt, you aren't making this easy."

"I'm very serious. He called me and asked me if he could marry you too."

"He did?" I say in shock. He knows that something like that would make me angry. Well… it would make the Marine in me angry. I don't need anyone's permission to marry who I want to marry. It makes the woman in me swoon.

"Called me a few weeks ago. He said that he was going out to some ship where you were to talk to you about it."

All I can do is nod as he relays the conversation back to me.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes." I say, nodding my head while staring at the floor.

"Sarah?" he says, waiting for me to look up and into his eyes, "Do you really love him?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Men have loved me before… it never works out. I always end up hurt or I end up hurting someone. It doesn't seem worth it."

"You seem to forget that Harm isn't one of those men. He loves you. That's why he calls to check up on me without your knowing about it. That's why he went on some ship that you were probably running away on to talk about the two of you. I'm guessing that's why he's asking you to marry him even after you rejected him on that ship."

"How do you know?"

"Baby girl, you forget how long I've known you. Aside from him, I'm probably the only one who has seen you at your best and worst. I love you too, that's how I know. And that's why I told him that nothing would make me happier."

"So, you think I should?"

"I think that you should do what your heart is telling you. If that happens to be what I think, then so be it."

"Uncle Matt…"

"Stop running, Sarah."

Stop running… stop running… stop running. It was like a mantra in my head ever since I left Leavenworth. I wasn't able to find any flights until a red eye on Sunday evening into Monday morning, and those thoughts were my only on the short flight.

Could I really marry Harm? Could the two of us go from not involved at all to engaged in two weeks and actually make it? It didn't work for Brumby and I, why do I think that I would work for us? Uncle Matt kept pointing out that Harm was not Mic though. Harm was not any of my past relationships, and that needs to be what I base my decision on. I've never loved anyone the way I love him, and I don't think that I've ever been through as much as the two of us have been through together.

Near misses, hostage crises, career changes, engagements, broken engagements, flights to the ends of the earth, escapes… the list sounds like a bad tv show… or at least one of those crazy action films. But no, it's what we've been dealt, and he's been with me through the last years of it.

I don't know if it is the late/early hour, the thoughts running through my head, or the fact that I know that this is it… but when I look down as I sit curled up on the couch, watching the sun rise on the next day, the ring is on my finger. And I don't ever want it off.


	15. Immunity

**Author's notes: Just so we are clear, I actually had to look up the info that comes up at the end of this chapter. Just so it could be true, you know… Anyways, I hope that you enjoy it. And this whole first part, I could so see the Admiral doing, only because he was probably the biggest Harm/Mac fan on the show… I'm on Spring Break so keep expecting more updates! Keep reviewing if you would like... it makes me smile lots and lots when people like what I'm doing.**

I've flown countless missions traveling hundreds of miles an hour, broken through the sound barrier, and I have never wanted to puke more in my entire life.

What makes it worse is that I'm sitting in the Admiral's office, because he has summoned Mac and I here. Mac who is not here yet. Mac who may or may not be walking through that door and changing my life even more than she already has. Why isn't she here yet? Did she decide to duck out again? Is she halfway around the world now, disappearing to Australia because my proposal made her rethink her marriage to Brumby?

"Is this true Commander Rabb?"

"Yes, sir." Wait. What?

"I'm glad that at least you admit that you are completely ignoring me."

"What! I'm sorry sir, no, I'm listening."

"Commander, may I ask what is wrong?"

"Ummm… I…"

"Spit it out, son!" he yells, which flusters me even more than I already was.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to do something that I am never ever going to ask you to do ever again. I probably shouldn't be asking you in the first place, actually."

"I have a feeling that I'm not going to like this."

"You are already aware of a growing possible situation between the Colonel and I, so I just ask that when she walks through the door, I get thirty seconds of immunity."

"Immunity." He says, not in a questioning way, which still makes me explain.

"30 seconds where neither of our actions result in Court Martials."

"You're kidding me, right? You do realize that I'm your commanding officer."

"I'm not going to do anything terrible, it's just that, there's this situation…"

"Are you asking me for 30 seconds to fondle your girlfriend Commander?"

"WHAT! No!"

"I just—" I'm interrupted by the knock on the Admirals door and I swear my stomach drops even more when he yells, "Enter!"

She walks in, not making any eye contact with me but standing to attention on my left until the Admiral's command for her ease.

The Admiral clearly knows something is amiss now, so instead of prolonging the inevitable, he turns to me and asks, "Does immunity begin now or when you ask?"

"Sir?"

"Permission granted, Commander."

I stand up next to her and she turns to me with a curious glance that I know comes from the fact that she has absolutely no clue what transpired in this office just a few minutes ago.

"Mac?"

"What immunity?"

"We've got 30 seconds where nothing we do can get us Court Martialed… I need to know where we stand."

"23… and yes." She says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with her left hand so I can clearly see the ring that is resting there.

"Well, I'll be damned." The Admiral says from his desk, then standing up to face Mac. "You're getting married?"

"Yes, sir."

"I assume it's to you, based on how insane you have acted, and you didn't know this?" he asks, turning to me with an amused look.

"I gave her the proposal, the ring, and the weekend to think about it."

"Well, hell Rabb, aren't you going to kiss her?"

"10… and he's right." She says from my side and I turn to her almost like I couldn't believe she was standing there.

I pull her close and our lips meet in that explosion of fireworks we have come to expect and love, but we don't let it last long. Even though we have the Admiral's blessing, he is still our superior.

When we pull apart, she's smiling and I'm so unbelievably grateful for how all of this panned out.

"I was going to ask you, Colonel if extending your stay on the bench for a few months would be all right."

"It would be fine sir, I'm really enjoying my work."

"Commander, are you okay with the extra caseload?"

"I'm fine sire."

"And since I feel like the two of you are going to be anything but productive today, why don't you both secure early for the day to sort out whatever needs to be sorted out."

"I told you, sir, that our relationship would not affect our duties. We stand by that." Mac says, and I almost want to turn to her and tell her to be quiet. The man just gave us a free day to do whatever we wanted. Don't question it, don't do anything but walk out the door and enjoy the weather.

"I'm well aware that it won't, but I'm feeling generous today, and I've been sure this was going to happen eventually from damn near the beginning. And… Commander Rabb looks like if he doesn't get the two of you out of here to talk about what just happened in this room he's going to explode."

He was right. I was going to explode. She answered the big question, yes, but everything else surrounding that big question was still hanging in the air. It was still out there to be picked at, and once we did, would her answer still be yes?

We were out of the Admiral's office in just a few minutes and got stopped by Harriet on our way out the door, at which point I notice Mac hiding her left hand strategically behind her back. That was clearly one of those questions we needed to work on.

"Off so soon?" Harriet asks, noticing we both had our briefcases and covers.

"Admiral gave us something to work on outside the office, but I'm sure that we'll be back tomorrow. Leave any messages on our desks until then."

"Sounds good. You two have a nice rest of the day." She says with that cheery bright smile that she always has on.

When we get to the parking lot, we are forced to think about our situation.

"Honestly, Harm, all I want to do is go home and take a nap."

"oh… okay."

"I'm not opposed to company while napping, you know."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. And after the nap, we can talk about all that we need to talk about."

"Sounds like a plan… see you at your place?"

"No. Your place. This weekend, I couldn't sleep. I missed you too damn much, so we're going to your place."

We're getting into our different cars before my mind wraps around something that she let slip, "Hey Mac?"

"Yeah?" she says over the roof of her corvette.

"You said you wanted to go home… Home is my place?"

"Home is anywhere you are. I just wanted the location to be your place."

I smile before getting in my car to drive home.

Her shoes are discarded at the door and her jacket unbuttoned before she reaches the steps to the bedroom.

"You still have stuff here, you know?"

"Yeah, throw me some shorts and a t-shirt out of my bag?" she asks while I'm unbuttoning my jacket and she is unbuttoning her blouse. When I look up to throw the items at her, I'm greeted with a half naked Marine.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." She says with a monotone voice that means she really does just want to sleep.

When we finally lay down, I have her wrapped in my arms like always. My right arm wrapped around her waist and my left toying with the ring on her finger.

"I love you, Sarah."

"I know. And I will continue to love you if you let me get a little sleep before we hash this all out."

With a kiss to her neck, I settle in behind her and let myself fall asleep with her.

The wake up call I get was an unexpected surprise that I would welcome any moment of any day at any time and when my Marine is done having her way with me, I lay beside her trying to catch my breath.

"Good morning…or afternoon" I remark, glancing over to see the same disheveled look on her features that I feel on mine.

"Sorry."

"I'm not. You can wake me like that any time you want to."

"You just… I don't know what you do to me, but you do it."

"That's a good thing, right?" I say, confused but understanding her at the same time.

"That's a very good thing. It's one of the reasons why I want to marry you. I've never felt like this with anyone before."

"You didn't tell your Uncle Matt that, did you?"

"How did you know?"

"You always go to me for advice, then to Harriet, then to Matt. Based on your hiding the ring from Harriet this morning and the fact that I was no reachable, you had to get help from your Uncle Matt. Is that why you were late?"

"Late flight, and then I was just off. My clock wasn't working right and once I decided what I wanted, the daydreams began."

"Daydreams?"

"I put the ring on my finger at 0407 this morning, almost immediately after I walked through the door. From there, I sat on the couch contemplating my decision. What would life be like now? Where are we going to live? When are we going to tell everybody? When do we want to get married? How is this all going to happen?"

"That's a lot of contemplating for that early in the morning."

"I lost track of time then. Thinking about all of that."

I thought about all of those things too. I drove up to Blacksburg and stayed in a hotel there just to think about Mac. If she said no, what was I going to do? I thought about all the things I needed to make sure that I didn't do if she didn't want that with me. I had to find a way to still love her, but not that way. Then there was the other outcome.

"I thought about all of that too."

"And?"

"I realized that it was pointless thinking about all of it without talking to you first. We need to decide all of these things together."

"What if I told you that I already decided one of those things?"

"Which thing?"

"When to get married."

"And when is that?"

"Today?"

I just smile in her direction, because I knew that this was coming. I knew it was coming and I was already prepared.

"We can't." I say, which earns me a frown from my now bride-to-be.

"Oh."

"Not because I don't want to. It's because we legally can't. We can apply today, but we have to wait before we can actually get married."

"And how do you know this?" she asks with that raised eyebrow that I love.

"Because I looked it up on Saturday. I knew that you would want to get married right away if you did say yes, so I wanted to make sure I knew what had to happen."

"I just… I don't want this long engagement, big wedding thing… I want to be your wife without all the pomp and circumstance that surrounds the declaration."

"I get that. So we go today and apply. We pick up the license on Thursday, and Friday evening, Pastor Turner is going to marry us."

"Pastor Turner?"

"Old academy buddy of mine's father. He's still here in D.C. so I can call him, if you want."

"What about the academy buddy?"

"What about him?"

"He'll find out."

"Mac… don't you think that people are going to find out eventually?"

"Yes, but I want to control it. I want this to be about us. I feel like if we get married and everyone finds out about it right away, something will get lost in the translation."

"Why?"

"For all those same reasons that we talked about not wanting people to know about our little deal. I just got out of an engagement to a man that the majority of the office really liked. You just broke up with Renee after a year together. We've got all this baggage around us that I don't want to be people's business."

"All right."

"Really?"

"If you'll marry me Friday night, all will be well with me."

"Married… you and me. That's pretty crazy, you know?"

"I have a feeling that it is going to be the most normal and wonderful thing that either of us has ever done."


	16. Fridays Are the Best Days

**Thank you to those that e-mailed me letting me know that the chapter wasn't posted the way it was supposed to be... here it is again!**

**Author's Note: This is a super long one just because I felt like combining the two chapters I wrote together. I'm on Spring Break, so get excited now folks! All I wanted to do all day was sit in my bed and write fanfic, so I'm perfectly content with the universe! Review if you would like!**

We spend the rest of the day celebrating our engagement in some of the best ways possible, including a trip to apply for our license. I keep seeing the ring on my finger and wondering why it hasn't been there this whole time. Why did it take us so long to get here and what does that mean.

"Mac, you really have to stop thinking…"

"We're getting married on Friday, I can't help it."

"If it is too much to take in at once, we can wait."

"We've waited long enough, and I think that is what my thoughts keep revolving around. If this was so written in the stars and meant to be, why didn't it happen sooner?"

"Sturgis' dad explained to me one time that people have to just trust in what God has planned out for us. People run off saying that God doesn't hear their prayers or God isn't answering them, when in reality God was just saying 'wait'… maybe we had to get through all this other stuff before we could get the chance to be us."

"It's habit… I'm sorry."

"I'm in it for the long haul, Mac… you've got to get that through your head."

"I know that you are in my heart, but my head is an entirely different matter."

"Let's start talking about everything then… all those questions that both of us had that we really needed to talk about together."

"Like?"

"Where do you want to live? For the time being, of course."

"You're still convinced that we need a house?"

"Now more than ever, yes. I'm going to call a realtor tomorrow to have them start looking for everything that you told me."

"What about what you want in a house?"

"Everything you told me with the porch and the big family room and kitchen… four bedrooms… it was perfect. Maybe there are a few other things that we want to add to that to make the realtor's search even better, but what you described is what I want too."

"And in the mean time?"

"How about your place?"

"Why not yours?" I counter, mainly because I really do like his place.

"I like that your place has an actual room. There are solid divisions between each of the living spaces that my loft just doesn't have."

"Harm, you put a lot of work into this place, I don't want you to give it up so easily."

"I plan on putting ten times more work into whatever home we end up buying, so I'm not worried about this place, Mac."

"It's… your place though."

"Would you feel like that about your apartment?"

"No."

"So why should I feel like that about mine?"

"I don't know, but I feel like I want to be here instead of my apartment. Here feels more natural to me than my own place."

"Really?"

"I have more memories that I would like to keep here… the other place has some not so good ones that I'd rather forget."

"So, when do you move in?"

"As soon as I can get out of my lease. I can move stuff over, or I can sublet it furnished until my lease is actually up. We can look for a new place then."

"So you're moving in?"

"I am."

"And we're buying a house?"

I just nod my head, knowing that he is just saying these things out loud to wrap his head around the idea of both.

When we fall asleep that night, my head is swimming with different thoughts. We talked about letting the news just come out naturally whenever it happened. We talked about timelines of things we want to do with our lives. It was amazing to finally sit down and plan a future with someone who wants the same things as me. It was amazing to plan a future that I wanted more than anything. I fall asleep with a smile on my face and his arms wrapped around me.

"Sarah…" I can hear as I'm attempting to keep my eyes closed after what seemed like no sleep at all.

"Hmmm?"

"We've got to get up. You have time to get ready, and I'll make breakfast while you're in the shower."

I sit up then, confused because I'm usually the first one awake in the morning and I'm a very light sleeper. "You're dressed."

"One usually is when they are going to work." He says in a joking manner that serves to annoy me more than make me laugh.

"No, I'm just surprised because I didn't even hear you get up this morning."

"We talked for a while last night, I'm still pretty tired too. And we spent two nights away from each other where we weren't sleeping our best. You had the right to be tired."

I lean over and kiss him because he just explained away everything in such a way that made me feel like I deserved everything in the world. I'm quickly learning that he is actually very good about making me feel like that.

When I come out of the shower, I can smell eggs and a hint of bacon that is a rare occurrence in the Rabb kitchen.

"Bacon? Really?"

"I only made two slices because you don't need to eat it, but I love you and it makes you happy. You do, however, have to promise me that you'll eat some of this fruit after eating the artery clogger?"

"I will… and thank you."

"So… what are we going to tell the Admiral?"

"What do you mean? He was there when you found out that I was going to marry you… what else does he need to know?"

"Should we tell him how soon we plan on this happening?"

"I think that he knows it will be sooner rather than later."

"What about paperwork? What kinds of things do we need to do for paperwork?"

I hadn't thought about all of that, which causes me pause.

"Harriet would probably know what we need to do, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"I thought you said you wanted it to come out naturally?"

"Yeah, but naturally isn't me going up to Harriet and saying 'Hey, Harm and I are getting married on Friday, what kind of paperwork do we need to fill out?'"

He looks at me quite confused for a little while before finally breaking the silence as we are grabbing our things to head out the door. "So by natural, you meant what?"

"A few months from now, naturally telling everyone that we were married?"

Even as I said it, I could see the sheepish look on my face.

It isn't that I don't want everyone to know about Harm and I. I just don't want the talk. I hate the talk that happens if someone dumps a guy and ends up with another one so soon. This is even more extreme than a simple breakup. I'm going from engaged to one man and ditching him the day before the wedding to jumping into a marriage with another after "dating" two weeks and being engaged for less than one. If that doesn't raise eyebrows, I don't know what will.

"Waiting is fine, Mac. Like you said, I want you to be my wife… that's all that I care about."

"That's why I love you."

"Because I go along with everything you want?" he asks with both his eyebrows sky high.

"No, it's because you understand my reasoning behind things. It's because you are the only person who has ever been around to see me run and call me on it aside from my Uncle Matt. And it's because you're the only person I can see myself with for the rest of my days."

He kisses me before grabbing my briefcase from me and telling me to lock the door and meet him at the car.

Work was the same old same old until we were about to leave and the Admiral caught me in Harm's office trying to get him to finish up his work for the evening.

"You promised me Thai food tonight, so you better get yourself in gear mister."

"I'm just finishing this one last thing up, Mac. I'll be right down to the car."

"Yeah, well, you told me that twenty minutes ago and you still aren't done, so I'm glad I said I would wait up here for you. Come on."

"Sounds like the wife already has you figured out, doesn't she Commander?" Admiral Chegwidden says from the doorway, causing both of us to jump and then stand at attention. "At ease, you two."

"She does, but she's not my wife yet, sir."

"A technicality… the two of you have been acting like a married couple since you started working together. I didn't expect anything to change now. Which is why I came in after main hours. I wanted to see what your plans were."

"Sir?" I ask, wanting him to clarify what exactly he meant by that statement.

"When is the big day and whatnot. That is why I gave you the rest of the day off yesterday. I hope you did what I asked and figured out the answers to all of those big questions."

"Friday."

"Friday, what?"

"We're getting married on Friday."

"All right, what time should I be there and where is it?"

"We um… we aren't really having a ceremony, just the two of us."

"Oh, I figured as much, but I do know that you need some witnesses and frankly, with as much as the two of you have put me through these past few years, I get to come to the wedding."

"It's at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Chaplain Turner is going to be marrying us."

"Chaplain Turner? How do you know him, Commander?" the admiral asks with great curiosity.

"I was at the academy with his son Sturgis. I met the Chaplain many times, so he was the first person I thought of to marry Mac and I."

"Very well then. Get me all the details, and let's set up a time on Monday to talk about any paperwork and things that you'll have to get done. I assume that you aren't going to be asking Lieutenant Simms to be helping you with any of that?"

"Thank you sir." I say, knowing that he was doing a favor well beneath his stars for us.

"Commander, your bride to be wants to leave, so I suggest you meet us in just a few minutes down at the car to get her home for the evening… and Thai food, I hear."

"Yes sir."

"Walk with me Colonel." He says gesturing to the bullpen and waiting until we got downstairs in the parking lot to start talking.

"I'm pretty sure that I know the answer to this, but are you sure about this Mac? I'm not talking as your commanding officer, but I'm talking as a friend and as the man you selected to walk you down the aisle. I took that to mean that I would forever have the job of keeping any husband you ever have in check. I also took that to mean that I would forever be making sure that you were okay on the path you were headed."

"I love him. I have for a long time, but I don't think that either of us was ready to commit to anything like that."

"And now?"

"All this mess with Brumby and almost losing him… I think we both realized that we knew what we really wanted."

"Kissing on my balcony didn't make it set in any sooner?"

The blush that rises on my cheeks is there in a flash. Oh God, how did he know about any of that? How horribly inappropriate of both of us that whole situation was.

"Tiner was the only one who saw, and being the good Yeoman that he is, he told me right away. I then threatened to kick him out of the Navy if he ever breathed a word of it to anyone."

"Thank you, sir."

"I knew that you weren't really happy though. I think all of us did, but we realized it was what you wanted. We knew that you were settling."

"No one said anything."

"How could we have?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly. It was something that you wanted even though you knew that it wasn't going to be your happiest situation. If you could have seen the number of times the Commander would look at you and Brumby with this lost puppy dog look. It took all I had to not just force the two of you into a room together and lock the door until you either killed each other or tore off… well. I told you it's been there since the beginning."

"This is what I want and this is who I want it with. I am more certain of that than I ever have been."

"Good. See you tomorrow then." He says, tipping his hat and walking off just as Harm was walking towards me.

"What did he have to say?"

"Just making sure that I was sure about the two of us."

"And?"

"He already knew the answer…"

I don't think that Friday could have come any sooner than it did, and when we got through the day at JAG all we could do was smile at each other in passing through the bullpen. Knowing that you're going to do something like that and no one else knows is a feeling that I don't think I can easily describe.

"What has the two of you so happy today?" Bud asks me as I pass Harm's office on my way to clean up my own.

"You know what Bud, it was just a really good week. I feel like we got a lot accomplished, and I'm just excited about the weekend."

"Big plans?"

"Nothing you haven't done before yourself, but it will be nice to relax at home for a few days." I say, cryptically while laughing to myself.

"It looks like it will be nice weather for running. Don't you and the Commander run together on Saturdays in Rock Falls park?"

"We do, but I don't know if we're going to run this weekend."

"Well, have a good weekend anyway ma'am." He says scurrying off when he sees Harriet get off what she had told me was her last call of the day.

I grab my things and as soon as I'm ready to head out for Harm, he pops his head into my office.

"You ready?"

"Huh, I've never known you to be on time for anything Commander."

"I've got big plans for tonight, Colonel."

"Hot date?" I say in a sultry tone that doesn't not go unnoticed by him.

"The hottest… what are you up to?"

"Tonight? Going to church…"

"Sounds good."

We banter back and forth like that for a while before we decide that it is actually time to leave the building, agreeing that I need to get showered and changed first at my apartment and I will meet him at the church.

"You got the license?" I ask just to make sure we have everything we need.

"Picked it up yesterday along with the rings."

"You didn't peek, did you?"

"No, I didn't." he says and I give him a questioning glare, "Honest, Mac, I didn't!"

We decided that we would pick out rings for each other and get them engraved how we liked without the other seeing it. The ring I picked out for Harm was a thick golden band with shaved edge. The inside had written, "Always be my flyboy – Sarah".

We also bought each other gold chains to place the rings on for the time being. After more discussion during the week, we decided that we were going to start everyone else off on this train slowly. Maybe talking about going out together on dates and things like that to get people to realize that we were starting a relationship and then get them used to the idea before springing it on them. It also eased us into the idea of what our relationship was going to present itself as outside the two of us.

That was something I felt like we were constantly struggling with. We have lived separate but intertwined lives for such a long time that we don't know how to be an "us" outside of when it is just the two of us at one of the apartments, which also added to our drama.

Apparently no one wants to sublet an apartment, which meant that I was keeping my place. It was actually closer to work, so we would stay there a few times a week but spend the majority of our time over at Harm's place. The realtor is meeting with us sometime next week to look at a first round of houses to get a better idea for what we are looking for in a place for both of us. It was all moving fast, but it was perfect all at the same time.

My nerves start when I pull up at the church. Real nerves. I remember telling the Admiral at mine and Mic's rehearsal dinner that the last time I did this, I was 19 and drunk. I wasn't nervous with Mic, which I have analyzed over and over in my head before understanding why. The nerves I feel now is because I know that this is it. This is how the start of forever feels… nervous, excited, and scared out of my mind all at the same time. My typical iron stomach is twisting and turning at the thought of walking in the building when I see the Admiral walk out the door searching for either Harm or I.

Stepping out of my Corvette in the simple cream colored dress I found this week, everything else seems to fade away.

"Sarah… you look beautiful. Commander Rabb is a very lucky man."

"I'm just as lucky to have him."

"And I'm lucky that both of you finally figured things out. Maybe that will mean less crazy antics around the office… hell around the world when it comes to you two."

"You mean you're only supporting it because you think I can tame him?" I ask in a joking manner that has him chuckle a bit.

"I'm supporting it in hopes that you can tame eachother."

"Thank you for being here sir."

"Don't thank me yet. I don't know if you'll be too happy with me in a moment." He says, causing a small frown to cross my features.

"It isn't his fault really…" I hear a familiar voice come from the hall outside the main worship room where the small ceremony is going to be held.

"Harriet!"

"I hope you're not mad. I know that the two of you didn't want anyone to know anything, but I knew that something was up."

"How?"

"Well the first clue was that the two of you stopped arguing. You always argue with each other, even if it's with a smile on your face. And then I saw the ring, which at first I assumed was Commander Brumby's until I kept getting glimpses of it and realized that it wasn't. I put two and two together and didn't have the heart to ask about it until the Admiral asked me about where to find paperwork for changing names and benefits for an officer."

"You caved?" I turn and ask the Admiral who knew that I wasn't terribly upset by the whole situation.

"The Lieutenant is a very persuasive woman, and also your maid of honor. I had to make sure that she was aware of the situation."

"So, we brought Commander Rabb a best man, and we brought along a ring bearer, who fell asleep in the front pew about five minutes ago."

"Oh, Harriet… thank you so much for all of this."

"Thank the Admiral, it was all his idea… even the flowers."

"Flowers?" I ask, wondering what else is in store for us this evening.

"You've convinced me this is for keeps, so I figured that I should make sure that the two of you start off your marriage right. You'll see everything when you walk down the aisle. Which…" he says stopping to glance at his watch, "is in just a few minutes. So give Harriet your ring for Harm and take the bouquet from over there, and let's get you and the Commander married."

I nod, smiling at two people who have become a very important part of my life in such a short amount of time.

When the door opens, I'm met with a vision of flowers lining the aisle leading up to the altar where my future husband stands. Husband. I remember not too long ago thinking that the word was foreign to me, and now I can't wait for it to come off my lips at regular intervals.

His eyes haven't left mine and the knowledge that I am all he sees makes me feel all the more secure in the decision we made. He said that I was everything to him when he looked at me that way. I see it now more than ever, and before I can take another breath it seems we have exchanged rings and Chaplain Turner is pronouncing us man and wife.

"We're all so happy for the two of you." Bud says, kissing my cheek and giving Harm a firm handshake.

"You guys didn't have to go through all this trouble, you know."

"It was no trouble at all."

"Well, then we are taking you out to dinner to celebrate." Harm says and I nod back in confirmation.

"Oh, no, that won't be necessary. I'm sure that the Roberts' have to get my namesake back home and I'm sure that the two of you wouldn't mind some time to yourselves to digest the information."

"Thank you sir."

"I expect both of you in my office Monday morning along with Lieutenant Simms to get some paperwork out of the way. Until then, enjoy your weekend as newlyweds."

I turn to Harm then, wondering if his expression matches mine. Newlyweds. We actually got married and the whole world didn't just implode on itself in the process. It was perfect in every possible way.


	17. Family

**Author's Note: This quick update is an apology for the weird Chapter 16 thing that happened! Sorry about that... don't know what happened to it! And the writing continues… it's like throwing up out of my fingers, I swear! Good for you guys though, and I'm enjoying it. After help from the roommate I've decided how to go about this next part as well, so that makes me happy. Review if you would like to let me know what you think! Thank you to those of you who consistently review and tell me what you're thinking and favorite parts and such... it makes me smile!**

"That was exhausting." Mac says, practically falling onto the couch when we get back to my apartment after a Saturday of looking around at different houses.

We had been married almost two weeks now, and everything seemed to be going perfectly where we were concerned. Harriet and Bud remained the only people who knew or cared to comment about the marriage between Mac and I, but we weren't hiding it. The rings were in plain sight and either no one had caught on yet, or no one was willing to fess up to thinking something had happened between the two of us.

"Did you like any of them?" I say, sitting down at her feet and placing them in my lap.

"The first one was my favorite, but I liked the one before the last one too. It was in the best area."

"What did you like about the first one?"

"The wraparound porch was amazing and the whole house just felt so open."

"Rob noticed that you really liked that. He said that he was going to try to find some others closer to the other neighborhood. He was centering some of his search around where the Admiral lives."

"It's a beautiful neighborhood, with some great houses." She says, letting her eyes drift closed.

"Hey, Mac?" I say quietly.

"hmm?"

"I love you."

The smile comes over her face and then I'm sure that she's fast asleep. I seem to be more energized when it comes to this whole thing, excited about the idea of somewhere that she and I will have together. It was a long afternoon though, so I cover her with a blanket before heading into the bedroom to read for a while to let her nap.

Mac had gotten me hooked on a few different military fiction books that I was strongly enjoying, to the point of annoyance from Mac's perspective. We were newlyweds, but some aspects of our relationship would make you think that we had been married for years. The way we sit around on a lazy evening or weekend afternoon curled up with books on the couch. The way we anticipate each other's moves in so many different situations. It's been perfect.

She sleeps for the next two hours, laid out on the couch and sleeping through my dinner preparation, which has me feeling bad for dragging her around all day. I kiss along her jawline, making my way to her lips to wake her up when I know that dinner is going to be ready.

"mmm… good way to wake me up flyboy." She says, grabbing onto the front of my shirt and silently asking for more.

"Dinner's already ready for you, so go get cleaned up, and we'll eat."

"Dinner! How long did I sleep?"

"You're asking me?" I ask, laughing at her asking me anything regarding time.

"Oh… one and a half… no… two hours? I slept for two hours and you let me?"

"You were tired after all that running around. I wasn't going to wake you up after that."

"Yeah, but now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight."

"I don't mind that one bit." I say, waggling my eyebrows in her direction suggestively.

"Stop it…" she says, slapping my chest and letting a small giggle escape before kissing me and walking off to the bathroom.

We sit down to dinner, which I expected an argument for, but was eaten quite enthusiastically.

"You do realize that it didn't have any meat in it, don't you?"

"I do, but I've always loved your lasagna. No matter meat or not, it has always made my tummy happy." She says patting her stomach and smiling at me from across the table. "What about dessert?"

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Hey, you didn't give me meat, you can't argue about my needing dessert now, sailor."

"I want my Marine to stay in shape, that's all…" I say with a shrug and smug look that makes her know that I'm only joking.

"I know that you didn't mean that, but I do want you to be aware that on the list of things that a husband should never say to his wife, talking about her staying in shape is one of them." She replies and then pauses for a moment before adding, "Besides, I'm only thinking about all the cardio I'm getting in later anyways."

"Lots of cardio, huh?" I say, wrapping my arms around her as she stands to start clearing off the table.

"Lots of cardio… I mean we can definitely still go on a run after eating dessert."

"Wait, you want to go on a run?" I say, deflated a little bit from where my mind was headed.

"No, I don't. I just wanted to mess with you." She says with a smile.

"Not funny." I reply, and she starts to back away from me a bit.

"Oh, I thought it was pretty funny."

"You did, huh?"

This of course results in screaming and laughing as I chase her around the apartment attempting to get her back for the small joke she made at my expense. In the end, the couch bore the brunt of the argument that was settled in the best of ways and I'm watching as my wife is fast asleep in my arms again.

I pick her up and move her to the bedroom before going to clean up the kitchen.

When I come back into the bedroom, she is still asleep, clutching my pillow to her in the most possessive of gestures.

It's moments like this that I get to stop and just think about what has happened in the past five weeks of my life. Two weeks ago, she married me. A week before that, she agreed to marry me. And two weeks before that, she agreed to this crazy proposition of mine. I didn't know what to expect out of the first two weeks, and remember the sinking feeling in my stomach even as I laid out the plan to her. Now she's all mine. I watch her as she sleeps a peaceful sleep, probably catching up on all the years the insomnia ruled her nights. As beautiful as she is in the day to day, her beauty shines when she's like this. It seems she's only getting more beautiful as time goes on.

When I wake up the next morning, it is she that has been doing some staring of her own.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

"That's okay. We shouldn't have gone around to that many houses yesterday. It was my fault that you were tired."

"No, I was excited to get all the first groups of houses out of the way."

"What do you want to do today?"

"Do you remember that first day after we were together the first time we…"

"Very fondly I remember that day." I say, genuinely smiling at the memory.

"That's what I want to do today. Make love, cuddle in silence, talk…"

"Sounds like the perfect plan."

"Good… because we have to make up for last night."

"Well, you didn't end up eating dessert, so you don't technically need the extra cardio."

"The hell I don't!" she says, laying me flat out on my back and laughing at my stunned expression.

"Well, if you insist."

At some point during the day the conversation drifts to asking about time off for a honeymoon, which then leads to another conversation that I wasn't necessarily ready for.

"Speaking of which, we haven't called your mother and Frank about any of this, you know."

"That can wait." I say, not really ready to hear my mother yell at me for getting married without her here.

"Harm…"

"She's going to be mad." I tell her simply, but regret saying it the minute it comes out of my mouth based on the look that crosses over her face. "NO! She isn't going to be mad about you, Mac. She's going to be mad that I didn't involve her in everything. I didn't tell her about it."

"She knew who the ring was for, didn't she."

"What she knows is that she gave me the ring months and months ago and she never got a call. She probably assumed that I chickened out."

"Yeah, well, you did."

"That time yes. Since then, I feel that I've improved."

"We should call."

"And ruin our perfect day of lovemaking and cuddling?"

"It won't ruin it. She's your mother."

"Yeah, the top item on the list of things that you mention to mess with a guy's libido."

"Well, you won't be needing a good libido at all if you don't pick up the phone so we can call your mother."

"Fine… just don't be upset if she gets angry about the situation."

I reach across her for the phone and dial the familiar number before I get tapped on the shoulder and Mac mouths that she wants the phone on speaker so she can hear.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey mom, it's me."

"_Harmon! It's been so long since I talked to you. The last time we spoke was that mess with your half brother and my meeting Renee. How is she by the way?"_

Mac's eyes widen at the mention of Renee and realizing just how long ago it was that I spoke with my mother. This was going to be a very interesting conversation.

"Actually that is one of the reasons why I was calling you. Renee and I split up, Mom."

"_Oh, I'm sorry to hear that… well, actually I'm not. She wasn't right for you anyway."_

"Thanks, I'm glad that you trust my choice in women."

"_Speaking of, how's Sarah? I mean Mac… How's Mac."_

"She's fantastic actually. And I'm sure that she will be fine with you calling her Sarah."

"_She's fantastic, hmmm? Did she dump the Australian?"_

"She did, which is why I wanted to talk to you."

"_Oh please tell me that you're calling because you need my advice on how to tell her that you've been madly in love with her for years and finally came to your senses."_

"No, that's not why I called."

"_Harmon Rabb Jr. when are you going to realize that you just need to—"_

"Mom, we got married." I interrupt before she goes into a whole speech about why Mac and I are perfect for each other based on the stories I've shared with her throughout the years.

"_We as in you and Sarah MacKenzie?"_

I gesture towards Mac to say something and she enters the conversation, "Please don't be mad about it."

"_Mad! Why would I be mad? I've been telling him that he's been in love with you for years! Oh my God! FRANK!"_

"Here we go." I mutter under my breath so only Mac can hear.

"She's excited. Leave her be."

"_Tell Frank."_ She says on the other end of the phone, still giggling through the sentence.

"Mac and I got married."

"_Congratulations son! When was the big day?"_

"Two weeks ago. It wasn't a big deal, just three friends came with us."

"_When did you even propose?"_ my mother asks, coming back to the phone to find out all the details.

"It's a really long story, but obviously it ended well because we're married."

"_Well, when can we come out to see you two? Or when can you two come out to us?"_

"Actually, we were just talking about trying to take some time off for a honeymoon up in the lake cabin."

"_That would be a wonderful place for you to have your honeymoon. And you guys can fly into La Jolla and stay here for a few days as well. When are you coming?"_ she says in what seems to be just one breath.

"We have to work it out with the Admiral first, but we would love to come out there to see you guys."

"_Harmon, let me talk to Sarah."_

"She's right here, mom." He says, stating it obviously.

"_No, I want to speak to her privately, thank you."_

Mac gets a nervous look on her face before I turn the phone of speaker and give her a reassuring nod before handing over the phone. I hate that I can only hear her end of the conversation.

"Thank you."

"We will ask."

"Maybe the next month or so."

"Yes I do."

"Soon."

"No, I don't know exactly how soon, but soon."

She laughs before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and blushing, "I promise that we'll work on that for you."

And then I see a thoughtful look cross her face as my mother must be talking her ear off. She lets out a long breath before saying, "We love you too. Talk to you later."

She sets the phone on the night stand and sits for a minute before turning to me with a smile and a tear on the edge of both eyes.

"She's an amazing woman."

"She is."

"She said that you've told her about me from the beginning. You've told her everything." She says in a way that makes me think that she wishes my mother didn't know so much about her before really getting to know her.

"I'm sorry, Mac."

"No… it's not that. She just explained that she knew about my past and I know about hers. We've both lost people in ways, but are going to be family. She was excited to have a daughter in the family and would be honored if she could call me as such."

"She's been rooting for you since the beginning, you know."

"I do now. It's just nice to know that I've got a real sense of family now. I've always had Uncle Matt, but now I have you and it's just nice."

I pull her towards me then, knowing that the whole thing was something she was trying to process through. My mother was a wonderful and caring woman, but Mac didn't let people in very easily.

"What was she saying that you kept saying would happen soon?"

"Grandchildren." She says with a laugh that causes me to start laughing as well.

"Soon, huh?"

"We told the realtor four bedrooms, we might as well work on filling them, right?"

"What are you saying?" I ask, not sure what soon is for her.

"I'm just saying let's start thinking about it. It's not totally on the table, but it's at least in the oven… or… that's a bad choice of words."

"I know what you mean, Sarah."

"Okay." She says, letting out that long breath again before cuddling back into my chest and falling asleep with me for another early evening nap.


	18. Waiting

**Author's Note: Some of you are hysterical... and very perceptive. Don't hate me for this turn of events… please? I just want it, and I think it will be fun… so bear with me! Review your thoughts! P.S. Spring Break is almost over, so you might have to deal with only one update a week again. Sorry! Love to all anyways!**

Waiting for anything is stupid. There are certain things that you shouldn't have to wait for in life… this is one of those things that you shouldn't have to wait for. I firmly believe that as I sit on the couch in the living room waiting.

I can't say that I'm waiting anymore actually. That's not fair of me to say because the time to wait is over… I'm just too freaked out to do anything about it.

That is until I hear the unexpected sound of a key in the door and the locks opening, sending Harm into the room after a week on the Patrick Henry.

"What are you doing here?" I say, moving quickly off the couch to cut him off from coming in the living room.

"I live here… aren't you excited that I'm home early? I thought you would be happy to see me."

"No, I'm happy that you're home. I just wasn't expecting you tonight. I thought you said yesterday that you had a few more days out there."

"Yeah, that was until someone on ship confessed to the crime. Would have saved me a week out at sea if he would have just confessed to the onboard JAG, but I guess it still got me home earlier than I expected. What are you up to?"

"Oh! Nothing… can I get you some dinner? Or better yet, why don't we go out for dinner?"

"You know what Mac, can we order in? I don't feel like going out again tonight, and I just want to be here with you for the evening. In fact, why don't you order some food and I'll grab a quick shower so we can settle in. You can tell me about your week." He says moving towards the bedroom and bathroom before I have the chance to remember that he shouldn't go in there either.

By the time I realize it, I decide to just walk up into the bedroom and wait for what happens next. He starts the water and I'm thinking that I might get away with sneaking in the bathroom when I hear that the water shuts off.

He walks out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his bottom half and his eyes wide and moving from me to the bathroom counter at irregular intervals.

"I forgot that I left that there…" I say, not really knowing what to say.

"And if I hadn't seen it, you were going to do what exactly?"

"Give myself a few days to process?"

"It's opened… are you processing?" he asks in a way that means he wants to know if I know yet.

"It's in the living room. I can't bring myself to flip it over." I say, sitting on the edge of the bed and hanging my head.

"Let me throw something on, and we can talk."

I just nod, knowing that this was going to come eventually, but still hoping for the processing time on my own.

"What happened?"

"You know how the few times you've been away I haven't been able to sleep at all?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've been sleeping. In fact, as you pointed out last week, I've been super exhausted."

"Which could be because of all the running around we've been doing with the house search."

"Yeah, but I haven't been doing that while you're gone and I still fall asleep right when I get home for at least two hours. It's like I can't keep my eyes open at night. Then I thought about it, and there are a few other things amiss that I was chalking up to stress as well."

"So you could be."

I nod, not wanting to say it out loud, because I still hadn't wrapped my mind around it.

"And when did you take the test?"

"I think like a half hour ago?" I say, honestly not being able to figure it out in my head.

"You think?"

This time, when I nod, the tears start flowing down my cheeks and he is quick to pull me into him and lay us both down on the bed.

"I get that you needed processing time, I do. Why can't we process together? I'm probably having the same thoughts that you are."

"I'm pretty sure that one of your thoughts is not about how your figure is never going to be the same again."

"Mac, are you serious?" he says, looking down at me with a look that says 'you've got to be kidding me.'

"I got the test yesterday after work. I've had a long time to think up all the irrational things that I could possibly think of in that time."

"Like what?"

"You want all of it?"

"Yes."

"Am I going to be a good mother? Am I going to make the same mistakes my parents made? Are you going to love me when I get fat? Am I going to quit the Marines? Can we survive this so early in our marriage? Is everyone going to think we got married because of the baby? Do I really want this? Do you really want this? If I'm not, then am I going to be upset? Should we start trying if I'm not? God… Harm, I could think of a million more things that have gone through my head!"

"How about this… I love you Sarah MacKenzie, and the thought of starting a family with you makes me the happiest guy in the world even though it scares the crap out of me. We have been shot down by Russian Migs, almost killed by terrorists, I almost drowned in the middle of the Atlantic… a baby is something I'm sure we can survive. I want this more than anything and I can't wait to see what an amazing mother you are going to be, Marine or not."

"I might not even be pregnant."

"So let's find out if we have to have that conversation too…"

I nod before standing up and walking into the living room with Harm right behind me.

We walk toward the coffee table and I bend down to retrieve the item in question, not turning it over yet.

"Breathe, Mac." He says, putting his head on my shoulder so he can see the results at the same time while wrapping his arms around me.

I turn it over and he's the first to speak, "You know, I liked your idea the best… a little girl with my looks and your brains."

"Yeah?" I say, turning to face him with a small smile on my face.

"My way works too, but I've always pictured a little girl first…what do you think?"

Maybe it was the pregnancy, maybe the nerves, possibly the adrenaline, but my first course of action was not to kiss my husband and tell him how excited I was or start talking baby names. My first action after becoming aware that I was pregnant was to run into the bathroom and lose whatever lunch I ate this afternoon.

A minute later, Harm was by my side with a glass of water and a wet washcloth as well as a peppermint from the candy dish I insisted on us having at his place.

"I don't want to put anything into my stomach, are you kidding me?"

"Peppermint helps with nausea."

"This is why I love you." I smile from my spot on the floor of the bathroom.

"Morning sickness?"

"Probably a combination of information overload and nerves and baby."

"Baby…" he says with a hint of wonder.

"Yes, baby. I'm pregnant." I say, letting the words out of my mouth before turning back around for another round of throwing up.

"Yeah, I'm thinking nerves more than baby." He says, rubbing my back and pulling my hair back.

After a few more minutes, my nerves and stomach calm down a bit and I'm leaning against Harm who is sitting against the wall of the bathroom. He's stroking my stomach and whispering about how loved this baby is going to be and how amazing we are going to be as parents in my ear.

"You already win husband of the year if you continue to be this sweet to me through my whole pregnancy."

"Anything you need is yours. You and baby." He says, patting my stomach lightly as he says it.

"I'm going to have to make an appointment to confirm everything in the next month or so."

"Month?"

"They can't really do anything before about 8 weeks as it is. So I'm going to wait until then."

"But what about prenatal vitamins and stuff like that? Aren't you supposed to be doing stuff different now?"

"I can buy something over the counter until I see the doctor. They can tell me if I need something else. I'm sure it will be fine."

"Why don't you ask Harriet?"

"Because we aren't telling anyone until I'm at least twelve weeks along. And by my count the farthest along I could be is six."

"Our first night." He says with a smile on his face.

"Well, as I recall we weren't really concerned about much of anything but the moment that night."

"If that isn't fate, I don't know what is."

"Are you upset with how quickly this came about?"

"I could never be upset about this Mac. In fact I don't think that I've ever been happier than I am right now."

"Really?"

"We just moved up the timetable on our baby deal. I mean, I already agreed to go halves on a kid with you."

"What were we thinking then, making that deal?"

"I was thinking that I hoped you weren't in a relationship in five years so we could have a baby together. And I was thinking that you and I were inevitable."

"You still haven't made a promise you couldn't keep."

"I don't plan on it."

We sit like this for a while, curled together against the bathroom wall talking about our weeks away from each other when I'm hit with a wave of hunger instead of nausea.

"I didn't get to order food."

"That's okay, I can make myself something."

"What about me?"

"What do you mean what about you? You just lost half your lunch."

"Exactly. Baby needs nourishment." I say with a smile.

"Marine appetite is back?"

"Uh huh! Take me to dinner? Someplace with good cheesecake to celebrate?"

"You sure you're up to it?"

"Yes." I say, standing up and holding out a hand to help him up as well.

After brushing my teeth and throwing the peppermint in my mouth to suck, I'm feeling much better than I was an hour ago. So we make it down to Harm's car and hit the first Chinese place we find after we decide that Chinese food would make me happiest even though the menu may not have the cheesecake I so desire.

"You're sure that this is what you want to eat? It won't be too heavy on your stomach?" he asks as we are sitting down, looking at the menu.

"I'm sure it was nerves, I'm hungry now."

"Okay…" he says with a shrug of his shoulder and lets me order whatever I want from the menu to share.

We're almost done with the meal when I can't take it anymore. Every time I look up, he has this stupid grin on his face or he's just staring at me with this look of awe.

"You have to stop." I finally say, and he's caught off guard.

"I can't help it, you're beautiful."

"Harm, I'm having a baby… in fact I've probably been pregnant for at least a month now… it's nothing new."

"Really…" he says with an accusatory tone that causes my eyebrow to raise.

"If it's nothing new…nothing special, then why has your hand remained on our unborn child for the majority of our little outing."

I look down then to see that sure enough, my hand is resting on my stomach, and I wasn't even aware of it.

"Shut up." I say simply, knowing that he was right.

"Why shouldn't we be super excited about this? Why shouldn't I be in awe of the fact that you are carrying my child inside you right now? Why shouldn't you be already protecting that little one before anyone can see that she's there? Mac, we're having a baby… and I don't think that anything can top the feeling I get with that knowledge."

The tears are flowing down my face before he even gets to the last sentence. I'm even leaning over the table to kiss him by the end. Right in public, out in the open, in the middle of the Chinese restaurant, I'm kissing my husband because he is probably the sweetest man in the entire universe.

"I love you. Know that I love you and I love that we are having this baby. It might take both of us a while to really get it in our heads and it might be a rough few months, but know that I love you. And when I tell you that I want to kill you in the delivery room, know that I don't really mean it." I say with a smile that makes him smile right back at me. Yes, this is going to be an interesting few months.


	19. Getting Through

**Author's Note: This was again written on my crazy Spring Break surge of writing. It's been a good one, and letting me update every other day or so, so it must be keeping you all happy. I again hope that you are enjoying this little (becoming enormous) fic that I wish could have happened on the show. Review if you choose to let me know what you think! P.S... is anyone else having issues with logging in and submitting?**

When I wake up in the morning, on Monday, I can hear Harm whispering softly to what I thought was himself. Turns out he had scooted himself down the bed and his head was somewhere in the vicinity of where the baby was.

"So, you always have to salute an officer… even if he isn't the same branch as you. Now, one time I even had to salute Mommy because I was a Lieutenant Commander and she was a Lieutenant Colonel. It was only for like a month though, and then we were the same again. I think mommy liked it though. She's a pretty amazing Marine, your mom. If you want to follow either of our footsteps, you can certainly follow your mother's where career is concerned. She is respected and feared throughout JAG."

"Feared?" I finally say, interrupting his conversation with the unborn.

"There are some that fear you. Heck, I fear you sometimes when you get it in your head that you're going to really beat someone. It's scary."

"So you're telling our unborn child that I'm scary."

"You're forgetting the part where I was telling her that you were amazing."

"Yeah yeah, try to save yourself now Rabb. We need to get up and ready for work. If we slack now, the Admiral might take back those five days of liberty for the honeymoon."

"You still want to go?"

"Harm, I'm pregnant, I'm not an invalid." I say, knowing that he is going to be the cutest husband ever for the next few months.

"I know, I just was making sure. You know my mom is going to figure it out."

"How?"

"She has these weird instincts that let her know when something is up."

"Well, your constant staring might tip her off if you keep that up."

"I can't help it. I'm amazed by this whole thing… the fact that there is a human in there is just so weird and amazing all at the same time."

"Yeah, there's like this alien being taking up residence in my uterus… so amazing." I say with sarcasm to get him to stop being so amazed with this whole thing. Yes, I'm excited, but I don't need to be gawked at… wow… where did that come from?

"Sorry, Mac, I'm just still in shock."

"You and me both, flyboy. Just try to keep yourself reigned in at work, okay?"

"I will do my best."

I think it was probably hardest for him to keep everything cool during our morning meeting. The Admiral had us all sitting down around the conference room table and I don't know what came over me. The room was too hot, the air too stale… my complexion went from fine to green in the span of just a few minutes.

I don't even want to meet his eyes, because I know that if I do the looks passed will certainly tip someone off to something being wrong. So I look down at my papers and think of peppermints and dry toast and curse the mind game Gods that I survived a month blissfully unaware of this situation. The second I realize it, I can't keep my food down. Not fair.

"Colonel, do you have anything to add?" the Admiral asks, and I'm dumbfounded.

I have absolutely no clue what to say to him until I see Harm quickly shake his head in the negative.

"No, sir, I don't. I think everything's just fine."

"If you have everything in line, then I won't keep us from our work any longer. Back to work people."

When I stand, it only gets worse and I can feel Harm at my side in an instant feigning that he needed to talk to me about a case. Instead of talking, he leads me by the elbow through the halls to the nearest ladies room.

"I'll see if there are some saltines in the kitchen, would that make it better?" he whispers close to my ear even though it seems we are out of anyone's ear shot.

I nod before entering the bathroom to just sit down in a stall for a minute. I was nauseous, but not to the point where I couldn't hold it in. I just needed a minute in a cool place to calm down and breathe.

When I get out, Harm is standing there holding out a peppermint flavored lifesaver and walking with me to my office. On my desk is perched some ginger ale and two packets of saltines.

"Best husband ever."

"I damn near leapt over the table in that meeting." He adds and I smile because I know that it he would have if we were in a different situation.

"I was fine."

"I'm surprised that the Admiral didn't say something. You went pale as a ghost in there, are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm good now. It was touch and go there for a few minutes, but I feel better now. Moment passed."

"Were you sick while I was gone?"

"Not a bit. It's like now that the baby has made its presence known it really wants me to doubly make sure that I know it is in there."

"Can I get you anything else?"

"No. This is fine with me. I've got to do some paperwork, but check with me at lunch time and maybe I'll feel up to eating a bit?"

"Sounds like a date!" he says with a spring in his step before walking out of my office and into his own.

When he came to get me at lunch, I still wasn't wanting to eat a lot, but wanted to get out of the building for some fresh air.

"Did you call your doctor to set up the first appointment?"

"I did. Thursday the week after we get back from California."

"What's that date?"

"The 26th, why?"

"So I can request that day off." He says so matter of fact that it makes me smile again.

"You don't have to come."

"Yes, I do. I heard that the father should get all of his questions answered by the doctor too. So I started making a list of all the things that I want to know about. You know, you should do the same thing. Make sure that the doctor answers any questions that you might have."

"Harm?" I ask, questioning where all this is coming from.

"I've been looking on this website that has tips for first time dads. It was talking about all these things for pregnancy, and I wanted to make sure that I was being a good husband and a good father."

"Is that what you've been doing all morning?"

"No." he says with a blush that travels to his ears, making me know that he has done nothing but that all morning long.

"You know that you've got actual work to do. We can look through some of those things together tonight. Maybe we could stop at the book store on the way home to get a couple books?"

"Sounds perfect to me."

"You're really excited, aren't you?"

"Honestly, I didn't think that I would be this excited about this. Not about you and me or anything like that, but in general. I always wanted a family, but I think the thought of it freaked me out so much that I didn't really get excited about it. Now that it is right here, I can't help but be absolutely ecstatic about it."

I kiss him then, right in front of the JAG office for everyone to see. I did it simply because I couldn't resist it. He had done it yet again… proved to me how much he loved me in the simplest of ways.

"I love you for all this, you know that?"

"I do."

"And I love you for putting up with me, and I love you for giving us this baby."

"You're the one who has to do all the really hard work, you know."

"Yeah, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be putting you through the ringer in the next few months with this baby on board."

"Are you feeling better with the fresh air?"

"I am, actually. Do you think that I can convince the Admiral to let me permanently move my office outside for the next seven or eight months?"

"I think that you won't be able to get that out of him actually."

"Oh come on... the Admiral's a pushover where we're concerned. And once we tell him that I'm having a new JAG baby, he will be more than content to cater to my needs."

"Keep thinking that MacKenzie…"

"Rabb." I say, nonchalantly.

"Rabb?"

I nod, knowing that this was something that we hadn't really talked much about. "I want to legally change my name to Rabb, but I believe that in the eyes of the Navy I will still be MacKenzie. Anywhere else, I want to be Sarah Rabb."

"You don't have to Mac, you know that."

"I know, but I want that for us, to be linked in that way. And when our child gets into school I don't want he or she to have to explain why mom and dad have different names. And… I really like the sound of it, my name with yours."

"Sounds great to me."

"You know what sounds really good to me right now?"

"Hmm?" he says, taking another bite out of his sandwich.

"Ice Cream… can you stop on the way home and get some?"

"I thought you didn't feel well still?"

"Yeah, but that was ten minutes ago, now I've got the wave of hunger thing going on. Don't you remember what that was like yesterday? It was kind of crazy."

"I'll stop on the way home… which reminds me. When we get back from California, the realtor has a whole other set of houses that he wants us to look at. There was one in particular that he said we would fit perfectly."

"Sounds promising."

"What are your next two days like?" he asks, knowing that there is a lot of random packing and still some more paperwork that we have to do before we leave on Thursday.

"I'm looking pretty good right now. I have to sit on the bench for a couple small cases tomorrow, but Wednesday looks pretty clear for me to work on wrapping up some other cases for the Admiral."

"You aren't taking on too much?"

"Harm…"

"I know… you're not an invalid, but I also don't want you to end up feeling like crap the rest of the week before we leave for California."

"I will be fine. In fact, all these stops at the bench are actually clearing up some space for me, which is really nice. The Admiral told me the other day that Admiral Morris commented on my swift and rational judging, keeping everything reigned in perfectly in my courtroom."

"High praise."

"I told you that I want to go out with a stellar career."

"Wait…"

"Not yet, but I told you that having a family would make me consider it."

"I'll support whatever you decide."

"I know." I say, kissing him on the cheek before standing up from our spot and going to walk back into the building.

Just two more days and we were off to a few days of honeymooning and a few days with Harm's Mom and Frank. I could certainly handle two days.


	20. Mother Knows Best

**Author's Note: As I started to write this, I realized that I didn't want it told through either of our favorite character's perspective, so I changed it. Author's prerogative for this one, as it will be told through the eyes and voice of Trish… Hope you don't hate that I did it this way, but I wanted a little change! Review what you thought!**

Can you blame me at all for being nervous with this? Yes, I know that the two are meant to be together, but a part of me is still nervous for my Harmon. I am one of those mothers that let her little boy grow up and leave the nest… in fact I let him be all the way on the other side of the country from me. However, in the back of my mind he will still be my little boy.

When he called me a few weeks ago to tell me he got married, my first instinct was to scream at him. Then I realized that he had married Mac. Sarah MacKenzie. The woman who has dominated his conversations home for several years now. Mac did this. Mac did that. Mac helped me with this. Mac reminded me about that. Mac and I went here. Mac and I went there. It was near comical when he threw in an anecdote about the woman who he was actually dating at the time. Clearly, whoever it was played second fiddle to the Marine he claims is "pretty, but we work together mom." I think that when I heard about her going to Russia with him, my hopes of Harmon realizing this woman was the one were growing. Obviously she cared about him a great deal if she was willing to risk her life for him in that way.

Now, I'm waiting, with Frank by my side to see my little boy and his wife. Ha… Harmon has a wife. I had nearly given up hope on this very idea. Maybe the hope was more that he wouldn't marry that Renee woman that I saw him with earlier in the year. Yes, she was nice enough, but she wasn't the woman I could see him with. From what I've heard, Sarah is definitely that woman.

"Trish, your nails are digging into my arm."

"Oh, you…. Be quiet. Do you see them yet?"

"No, I don't. I'm sure they will be down any minute now to get their bags. In fact, I think I see him right now."

Sure enough, I see my son's frame starting down the escalator into baggage claim with the fingers of his right hand laced with the left hand of a beautiful brunette. I pull Frank back as he goes to call out Harm's name.

"You've been worried and excited all week and now you don't want to see him?"

"I do, I just want to observe first." I say, dragging him a short distance to a telephone booth where we can lean and observe the younger couple.

"I don't know why you had to pack so many clothes… we had to pay for that bag to fly, you know." I hear my son say playfully to his bride.

"As I recall, I had all my things into a carryon and _some_one said that we should bring our hiking boots… and then someone said that we should bring some sweatshirts in case it gets cold by the lake… and we should bring—" he cuts her off with a kiss and I can't help but giggle at the fact that she can certainly give it back to him. He is obviously completely at her mercy if he knew the only way to get her to stop was by kissing her.

When they pull back from each other, I hear her say, "Flyboy, you better be glad I love you… Oooh! Grab the bag."

Harmon lifts the bag up with ease and I see her smile appreciatively at the fact that he did it over a shorter woman standing in front of them and with just one hand.

"So, where were your mom and Frank going to be?"

"I thought they said that they would meet us at baggage claim, but maybe they're running late."

"Our flight was supposed to land at 1048 and it is only 1040, we are a bit early."

"You got your clock back."

"It comes and goes."

I feel that's our cue so they know that we haven't forgotten about them.

"Harmon dear! You got in early!"

"Mac tells me only by a few minutes, so we haven't been here long."

"Oh we know, we were just observing you and Sarah for a while."

"Mom…" he says and blushes all the way to his ears as I greet him with a hug.

"Oh stop. I wanted to make sure that this girl was in fact the one you were meant for, and clearly you are meant for each other if that scene about the bag is any indication."

That results in a blush from my new daughter in law as well.

"You must be Sarah." I say, opening my arms to the woman and hoping she would receive the welcome.

"Trish, it's so nice to finally get to meet you."

"What is with this Trish business, darling? You can call me mom" I say before thinking twice that this might be too much for just meeting the poor girl. "… that is if you want to, of course… oh Sarah, I'm sorry."

"You're fine." She says, shaking her head and smiling, "How about we just take it how it goes?"

"That's fine dear." I reply, turning to Harmon and to Frank, "Frank, introduce yourself to our Sarah."

"Hello, Sarah. It's a pleasure to meet you. We've heard so much about you these past few years."

"You weren't lying when you said you had a crush on me for years, huh Navy?" she says, just looking up over her shoulder at him with a grin.

"Started in a rose garden." He replies, kissing her forehead.

"Why don't we get you two home and get some food in you?" I say, linking arms with Sarah and starting ahead of the boys toward the car.

"Did you enjoy your flight?"

"As much as you can enjoy sitting in a confined space forced in one position for hours on end."

"Harmon's passion for flying hasn't rubbed off on you yet?"

"No, I think that after recent events with Harm's flying, I would like him to keep the flying strictly commercial."

"Sarah, I do believe that you and I are destined to be good friends." I say, because I couldn't agree with her more after what happened on his last flight. I know that he was trying to get back to her, most likely to stop the wedding, but I'm still angry he got on that plane.

My thoughts are slightly distracted as I catch a yawn from the woman to my right once we hit the car and start our journey back to the house.

"Maybe you two could use a nap when you get back to the house?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine. Traveling is always so tiring."

"Mac, if you're tired, you should take a nap before lunch time." Harmon interjects with a look that passes between the two that I can't place.

"Harm and I can get in nine holes while you take a nap and Trish gets lunch ready. We want you up and ready to go for a day at the beach! There are supposed to be some fireworks later tonight for some festival downtown. We thought it would be a nice night to cook out late and watch the sunset and the stars roll in." Frank adds, and I get excited about our evening.

We don't get to see Harm often, so when we do, we like to plan out a bunch of different things to do. I'm aware that he's a grown man, but he seems to enjoy our excursions.

"We don't want to put the two of you out at all."

"Put us out? Don't be ridiculous, we've been looking forward to this for weeks. If we are being honest… years!"

"Years?" my son replies with a monotone that causes me to laugh.

"Harmon, it took you long enough to open your eyes to this beautiful woman."

"In his defense… I think it was both of us with the problems."

"Oh nonsense dear. He told me he loved you years ago."

At that, Harmon and Sarah's eyes go wide, "I did not." He says adamantly.

"Maybe not those exact words, but I could tell that you loved her."

"So you say mom…. So you say."

When we get back to the house, Harmon and Frank carry the bags up to the guest room and I show Sarah around the place.

"This house is amazing!"

"That's what we thought too. The porch is what drew us in. Sitting out all day, right off the beach. It's absolute paradise."

"That's one of the requirements in the places we're looking at…. A nice porch."

"You're looking?"

"We started probably the day after we got married. We were talking about it during… well… we talked about it before."

"Are the two of you going to tell us how all this came to be sometime soon?"

"We will. It's just a crazy story that only those who know us would understand. I think only those who know us would believe that it could even work out for the long haul."

"It will, I'm sure." I say and I see the tiredness creep in to her eyes as we conclude our house tour by the guest bedroom. "I'll come get you when I set out some pre meal goodies. You and I can chat while the boys finish their golfing."

"Sounds wonderful." She says, retiring to the room, but leaving the door ajar, so I can hear a bit of their conversation.

"Are you going to be okay here if I go with Frank?"

"Your mother doesn't bite, Harm. I'm perfectly content with resting a bit before lunch and spending the evening with them."

"You going to try to sleep?" he asks her.

I hear her climb in bed as she answers, "Try? I'm half asleep already."

"Just take it easy Marine."

"Harm, what did I say before we left?"

"You're not an invalid… I know. I can't help it."

"That's why I love you."

"Sleep sweet Mac. Goodnight baby." I hear him say the first and whisper the second before I make sure that I'm out of the hallway.

Baby? Is she pregnant? Is that why they… no… I know that they are in love with each other. In fact I would have placed bets on the match years ago if I could. Maybe this was why they went so fast though. I could see both of them wanting to keep up appearances no matter how much everyone knew that they were in love with each other. Maybe I just misheard. I'm probably just jumping to conclusions.

All I can think of as I'm setting out plates an hour later is my son and his wife. What I saw at the airport made my heart swell because I know that the two of them are perfect for each other. What I heard has me wanting to run up to the room and get the whole story out of Sarah. I'll have to settle for the subtle approach though.

I wait until Frank calls to tell me they are on their way to go wake up Sarah. I figured that if she had woken up she would have come down earlier, which means that she must have needed the extra sleep.

"Sarah?" I say, knocking on the door and opening it slightly to peer in. "Sarah, sweetheart, the boys are on their way home."

The simple way her hands rest on her stomach gives me my answer immediately, but I'm not going to start congratulating without confirmation.

"Sarah, are you awake?"

I see her eyes open and try to focus before sitting up to smile in my direction.

"Good nap?"

"Yes, very. You said the guys are on their way?"

"They are, which means we only have a few minutes to chat before they get home."

"You should have woken me earlier. I would have come help with lunch."

"You needed the sleep dear. Now come on down and get some nourishment. Babies like food, you know."

The gasp I hear in return is the confirmation I needed, and I silently cheer that I'm going to be a grandmother as I walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Part of me is still laughing on the inside, knowing that I just threw poor Sarah for a loop up there, but if I know the two of them, they aren't going to tell anyone until they can't avoid it anymore. It wouldn't surprise me if we got a call from the hospital… well, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. I just want the two of them to know that we want to be there for them in any way we can, and I want Sarah to know that she has someone she can talk to that has been through this before.

It's then that I realize that I don't think I've stopped smiling since they got here.


	21. Second Guessing

**Author's Note: This one is a LOT of dialogue, but I wanted to develop a relationship here so we can use it down the line. I hope you like the fluffiness of it all. Sorry for waiting so long to update… this is my busiest time of the year, so it's hard to get chances to sit down and write a lot. Review if you would like!**

We've been in the house less than two hours and she already figured it out, so I stand up from the bed to check on some things. I step in front of the full length mirror and take in my appearance. I look slightly disheveled from my nap and still a bit tired, but not terrible. Then I stand so I can see my profile, looking to see if there was a hint of a baby bump, and finding my stomach still flat.

I'm perplexed. I'm mostly nauseated. Not from any kind of morning sickness, but from that feeling of worry. Worried that Harm's mother is going to think we just got married because of the baby. Worried for the same reason why we weren't outright telling anyone back home.

When I walk downstairs, Trish is standing in the kitchen placing different vegetables around a round serving dish.

"Looks wonderful. What are we having for lunch?" I ask in a soft voice as to not startle her.

"I've got a nice big salad in the fridge and some small roast beef sandwiches to go with them. Does that sound okay?" she says, looking up at me with a smile from her work.

I just nod my head, not knowing how to approach this with her. She obviously wanted confirmation of her suspicions. Then I thought to myself about how maybe she was really thinking that is the only reason Harm could marry me, because I was pregnant.

Apparently, my face was telegraphing the fear I felt, because the next thing I hear is Trish beside me with a hand on my arm, "Why don't you and I go sit out on the porch and talk, dear. It looks like you need some fresh air."

"Sure." I say, following her with the glass of water she had poured for me while I was in my short daze.

"I know you don't know me very well, but I can tell that something's wrong… was it my comment? I had just assumed about the baby. If you aren't—"

"No. I'm pregnant."

"Oh, well that's wonderful!"

I nod in response, not knowing how to read this woman very well. I can read a jury and an entire courtroom, but I could not read the hidden meaning behind this woman.

"Sarah?" she says, and I can feel that my face is once again showing that I'm upset.

I decided then and there that I may as well come out with all of it all or nothing. It's worked for me and Harm… maybe it will work with Harm's mother.

"We didn't get married because I got pregnant."

"Okay… I didn't think that you did." She says hesitantly, placing a hand over mine.

"You didn't?"

"Why would you think that?"

"I just couldn't figure out how you figured it out unless Harm told you, which I can't see him doing. I told him that I'd kill him Marine style if he told anyone before I got to twelve weeks. So I thought that maybe you had assumed that it was the only reason Harm would get married."

She just smiles at me, which irritates me just a bit.

"Thank goodness for hormones…" she starts with a laugh before taking my left hand in hers. "Do you want to know how I knew that this was more than anything like that?"

I nod and she points her finger at my rings. "I know because he gave you that ring. He wouldn't have given just anyone that ring. Do you know the history behind it?"

"He told me that it was yours and his Grandmother's."

"It was, but there's more to it than that. Whenever Harm's father went off to sea for a spell we would all sit down as a family and talk about what was important. Harm Sr. would always tell Harmon that the most important thing in this world was family. He would tell the story of his grandfather telling him all that while informing Harm Sr. that his only job in life was to be there for his family, whether it was his mother and father then or his wife and children later. Now Harmon would laugh at that part because he was so young and didn't want to think about having a wife and kids of his own. He was five. He just wanted to come with me to the ship to see his dad off. Harm Sr. would always tell him though that he may be laughing now but one day he would find someone who made him happy. He would find someone like grandpa found grandma and his father found me. Then he said that since the ring I was wearing brought such good luck to love, that Harmon had to ask for it when he needed it. His father went MIA shortly after that last family time together, but I would always remind him of that story. So the ring on your finger is not just a symbol of your love for each other, but something that goes way deeper for Harmon."

I'm staring at the ring now, thinking about how he told me that he had gotten it after we got back from Sydney because he knew then that we were supposed to be married.

"So tell me how did all of this finally come to be?" Trish asks, drawing my attention away from the ring and back to her.

"I was set to marry another man when Harm had his accident. After the accident we broke off the engagement. A few more unfortunate circumstances led me down the path of running away to the U.S.S. Guadalcanal."

"Yes, I do remember Harm talking to me about this, then telling me that he needed to see you. I still don't know why he couldn't just come out and say that he was madly in love with you."

"Well, he came out to see me and I wanted nothing to do with him. Part of the reason I was running was to get away from my feelings for him."

"How did that work out?"

"Two days after I got home, he was knocking at my door with a proposition."

"A proposition? What kind of proposition?"

"You know your son and how devoted he is. I'm the same way. If I really want something I go big or go home. So, his proposition was that for two weeks we try being together. Move in together, come home to each other, and all that it entails. If we decide at the end that it wasn't meant to be, then we would go back to being friends. If we decided that we were in fact meant to be together, we would."

"How long did it take you to figure it out?"

"About a day. I think for both of us. I'm…" I pause then, wondering how this woman sitting in front of me has turned me into an open book. "I'm not good about expressing my feelings and taking big leaps like that. I couldn't really get around my past and all that made me believe that I didn't deserve to have the happily ever after ending."

"Harmon has told me about your past, Sarah. I told you as much. Frankly, it is a badge of honor for you to come from a past so rocky. Everyone has skeletons in their closets. Some have them larger than others, but we all have them. Some overcome it and shine through the mess, and some are forever trapped behind it. You have decided to shine, which Harmon obviously saw in you."

"I see where he gets his heart now… He has told me the same, that I should be proud of what I came from and see the person I am today. I'm still working through that, but he's helping me figure it out."

She nods with a smile, and I feel like she really does accept me for everything that I am. This is a hard concept for me to digest, but I keep talking anyway.

"At the end of the two weeks, he left. I woke to an empty apartment on Saturday morning, and didn't know what to make of it until I found the ring and a letter on the kitchen counter. He proposed and gave me space to think about it."

"Two weeks of kind of being together and he proposed?" she asks with surprise etched in her features.

"Can you believe I said yes, considering the last man I thought I was marrying proposed before going on a date with me?"

"What about the wedding… why so soon?"

"Is it horrible of me to say that I just wanted it over with? I wanted to be married to the man I love without having to wait around to plan some big fancy wedding for everyone else. Our dating life was two weeks long, so I figured that our engagement only had to be about a week."

"And the baby?"

"Harm went away for a week out to the Patrick Henry and I was sleeping like a rock, which is not something that I was able to easily do before Harm came into the picture. When I thought back to other things in the past few weeks I realized that there was a strong possibility I was pregnant. I got a test and sat the box on the bathroom counter for a full day before I took it. Then when I took it, I couldn't flip it over and Harm walked in when he wasn't supposed to."

"You didn't want him to know?"

"I needed processing time before I shared."

"When I found out I was pregnant with Harm, his father was out at sea. I remember taking the test and immediately losing my breakfast afterward. It scared the crap out of me. Things we different then too, without many ways to communicate. I had to wait for about five months before I could even tell him I was pregnant. Can you imagine the thoughts going on in my head."

"I probably had them myself… and I lost my lunch right after we found out too. Nothing has ever scared me as much as that word showing up on that little screen."

"What did Harmon say?"

"He was over the moon and proceeded to wake me up the next day because of talking to my stomach."

"He's going to be an amazing father."

"I know." I say simply, finally glad that I had someone to share this with. I didn't realize how much I wanted someone else to know until I told Trish all about it.

"Sarah, I know that you don't want a lot of people to know, so if you need anything or have any questions, please call me. It was a long time ago that I had my son, but the mechanics and the cravings are still the same. It forever bonds us as women to share in that experience."

"Tell me one thing?"

"Anything?"

"Did you think that you were going to suck at being a mom? Did that thought go out of your head?"

"The whole pregnancy and the majority of his first month home I figured that I was doing everything wrong. Any time he cried I knew it was because I messed up. When he kept me up at night while I was pregnant and I was a walking zombie during the day, I knew that I couldn't handle it. I was a mess, and I think that's normal."

"Well, you did a great job."

"And so will you."


	22. A Wish for Family

**Author's Note: I am SOOO sorry for the lateness of this update... My life has been crazy with the end of the school year and it's only going to get worse until next month when we are out! I hope this finds all well! This is a super duper fluffy piece of randomness added in to set up another set of circumstances for our characters. I feel like Mac would struggle a bit with what happens here, so I hope you enjoy the random shortness of this little chapter. Next up… the cabin. Review what you think!**

When Frank and I get back from golf, I notice that the house is still quiet. Mac must still be asleep, which tells me that the trip really did take a bit out of her.

My ears tell me something different though, when I hear laughing coming from the patio outside. I see my mom and Mac talking like they've known each other for years and it makes me really see how amazing the woman I married really is.

"Where are the girls?" Frank asks, coming in behind me.

I gesture toward the patio and his eyes follow.

"Why don't we get cleaned up and we can take the stuff Trish has laid out onto the patio and join them?"

"Sounds like a plan." I say, walking back past him toward the guest room to freshen up and a bit and change shirts.

When the two of us get back downstairs, the ladies are still outside chatting it up, so we grab the food and make our way out to join them.

"There was another woman pregnant at the same time as me with her husband away, and I could tell you all the stories of the crazy calls we would give each other at all hours of the night." I hear my mother say and look to Mac for confirmation that my mother did in fact know about our big news.

"She figured it out." Mac says simply, shrugging her shoulders and smiling up at me from the chair.

"How?" I ask, turning to my mother.

"Harmon, you will soon learn that parents know everything about their children."

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Frank asks, coming onto the patio with another tray of food.

"We will soon be grandparents, Frank. Get your checkbook ready." My mom replies with a smile that tells me this child is going to be so spoiled by his or her grandparents.

"That's wonderful news, son!" Frank says, turning to me and giving me a pat on the back.

He then turns to Mac and pulls her in for a hug of congratulations as my mother does the same for me.

"When are you due?" Frank asks as we sit down to start enjoying our lunch.

"We don't actually know yet. I've got an appointment scheduled for when we get back, but I'm assuming that we're only about 7 weeks along as it is. We aren't really telling anyone or anything yet. It's too early." Mac says, digging into her salad and sandwich with a hunger that I haven't seen lately from her.

"You let us know if the two of you need anything in the meantime. In fact, when you've picked out the furniture, send us the bill."

"No, Frank, that's too much." I say, not wanting to play the grandparent card too quickly.

"Nonsense. Harm, you may not be my son by blood, but I consider you my own. That means that this is my first grandbaby and your mother's first as well. Let us help in any way we can."

I look over to Mac who has a few tears at the corner of her eyes as she nods her head in my direction.

"If that's what you would like to do, then we would be happy to accept." I finally say, which is met with big smiles from both newly appointed grandparents.

"So, tonight's fireworks and cook out will certainly be a celebration for the Rabb family and the Barnetts! Such wonderful news!" Frank says again as Mac excuses herself from the table for a moment.

The moment lasts longer than I thought it would and when she returns I can see the red rims of her eyes but don't question it immediately. She needed a minute, so I'd certainly give her that while we finish our lunch and talk about the plans for the rest of the week.

"Why don't the two of you take a little walk to energize yourself and burn off lunch while Frank and I clean up?" my mother says, already standing up and starting to clean off the table.

"That sounds like a great idea, what do you think Mac?"

She just looks up to me with a small smile, but I can tell that she does want some time to decompress.

"Or better yet, I should unpack some of our things for our time here so we don't have to lug it all to the cabin. You tell me which direction you're heading, and I'll meet you in a bit?"

She stands up and kisses my cheek before telling me that she'll see me in a few minutes.

When I catch up to her, she's still thinking. Her hair blowing in the ocean breeze and her brown eyes focused on some far distant space make me love her more and more. So I slip my hand in hers and remain perfectly content to just walk with her along the beach in silence while she thinks.

"I'm sorry…" she finally says softly.

"For what?"

"I know that you wanted to tell your mom together, she just blindsided me by making a little comment on the baby. I didn't know what to do."

"Mac, I hope that's not why you're upset. I'm not mad at all about how she found out. It doesn't surprise me one bit that she figured it out before we wanted her to…." She's quiet, so I'm sure that she is thinking more, "Talk to me Sarah… what's really got you upset?"

She stops then, sitting down on the beach with her body facing the ocean and tears flowing down her cheeks.

"This is so unlike me… it has to be the hormones or something, but it was Frank and your mom."

"Did mom say something wrong?"

"No, neither of them did. Both of them were just so excited about having a grandchild. Your mom started telling me funny pregnancy stories, Frank is already offering to buy nursery furniture. I just…"

I know what she's thinking, but I want her to supply the end of her sentence. Even though it breaks my heart that something so happy can be brought down.

"I wish that our child had two sets of wonderful Grandparents, you know? Hell, I don't even know if my mother is still alive somewhere. My father basically drank himself to death, only reaching out to me in his last breaths of life. I wouldn't change your mom and Frank for anything now that I've gotten to know them a little better, but I wish that I had that too, you know?"

"Would you consider trying to find your mother again?"

"I don't think I'm strong enough for that. When I left her at the Hospice, she wasn't the woman that I needed her to be. I wanted her comfort and I thought that I needed it. I did. I thought she was willing to give it, but that was just a two second feeling before I realized that she would always abandon me and anything that could ever mean anything to her."

"Saying you're not strong enough isn't the right answer, Mac. You are strong enough. You have to know what you want though. If you brought her into your life, what would you want?"

"I have this childish vision in my head that comes up every now and then where my mother comes back and lives the life that she should have. She gets a career, she has a beautiful home, she marries a man who treats her well, and she is there for me as my mother. She calls me to check up on me. She makes sure that her grandbaby is healthy. She wants to be with me for Sunday brunch. But I will never get that. I won't get that vision because she's not willing to live it."

"Do you want her in your life?" I ask, which causes her to take a few deep breaths. "Because, Mac… I don't think that we would be having this conversation if you didn't."

"I do. But I don't know how I want it to play out, you know?"

"That's fine. So, why don't we take the first steps to see if we can find her before trying to figure out where she's going to fit in with our lives."

She nods, leaning into to me and allowing her fingers to weave through mine.

We sit like that for a long while before we both realize that we've been gone a lot longer than the short walk we told Frank and Mom we were taking, making us get up and start the walk back to the house.

"And Mac, if this doesn't turn out to be what you want, know that you still have a family. You and I and this baby are a family. Add Frank and my mom and my grandma, and you've got a few generations. Add the Admiral and Bud and Harriet… we've got a whole family of people that would drop anything to support you."

"I know that, I do."

"You sure?" I say, stopping us and turning to face my beautiful wife.

"I'm sure." She says, standing up on her tiptoes to place a small kiss to the corner of my mouth, which I take as an invitation for more kissing.

"Well well… let you go for a walk and you're already working on our second grandchild!" I hear from behind the two of us.

"Kissing doesn't make babies mom." I turn toward that voice with a smile on my face.

"Oh, I know dear, but the kissing certainly leads to what makes babies, Harmon. Are you two turning back?"

"We were on our way, yes."

"Good, then you two can start the small bonfire on the beach so it can have time to get nice and roasty for the evening festivities while Sarah and I continue our chat."

"Sound good to you Mac?"

"That actually sounds great…" she says with a smile that reaches her eyes as she walks toward my mother and puts an arm out for my mother to hook her own arm through.


	23. Moms

**Author's Note: I apologize again for the lack of updates. I'm really working through it though and trying to get back into the swing of things. The school year is ending and my students are driving me up a wall, and it is crazy busy, so I hope that this finds you all well and in good spirits. Enjoy and review if you would like!**

Ending our first night here with fireworks and a cookout was exactly what I needed. It almost made me want to tell Harm to scrap the cabin idea and just stay here with his parents. Trish and I were getting along so well that by the end of the evening, Harm was starting to get annoyed with our ganging up on him. I had stuffed myself silly with all the wonderful food of the day and felt on top of the world.

In the morning it was an entirely different story. I couldn't really call it the official morning though, as I was up by myself with a stomach that wouldn't cooperate with sleeping. It was the first time that the morning sickness had actually woken me up. Any other time was just being nauseous during the day.

So here I am at four in the morning sitting on the patio and contemplating the meaning of life while hoping that the fresh ocean air will calm my stomach.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I hear from behind me and jump a bit, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!"

"Oh no, you're fine. Did I wake you when I came downstairs?"

"When you get older, you stop being able to sleep through the night. On the days I can't sleep later, I've learned to not even fight it and get up to start my day. You need your sleep, young lady… why are you up at this hour?"

"The reason for my needing the sleep has also caused my dinner from last night to re emerge."

"Pleasant. Can I get you some toast? That may settle it a bit."

"No, don't worry about it, Frank, but thank you."

He sits down next to me at the table, just looking out to the dark ocean and taking a few deep breaths.

"Sometimes I'm thankful for not being able to sleep… because in about an hour or so, you will get to see the most amazingly beautiful picture emerge as the sun rises."

"I can imagine that it will be lovely."

He just nods and sits with me in silence for the next half hour or so, just like I imagined my own father would have done with me, had he not chosen the path that he did.

"Thank you for your offer yesterday, it was unnecessary." I say, referring to the furniture he wanted to buy for the baby.

"Trish and I are going to have fun being grandparents. You should have heard her last night before we went to bed, going on and on about how excited she was for the two of you. You're going to be amazing parents."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Just from knowing Harm as he was growing up, I know that he will be a great father. Adding you to the mix, from what I've seen is only going to strengthen that. From what Trish has to say about you, I'm confident that our grandchildren will be raised well."

"Grandchildren? As far as I know, there's only one in there."

"You don't want more?"

"We do."

"Well, see then? We'll have to spoil them all!"

I laugh at that, again loving and hating that the two of them are so excited about all of this. More loving than hating the situation, because I can see how genuinely excited they both are.

"Don't make it too hard on us though. We don't want the kids running off to you guys for everything that they want."

"Well why not?"

"Because I have a sneaking suspicion that you will both give it to them."

"We probably will." He says which causes me to pause for a moment and think about all of this.

So much has happened in such a short time, and I honestly couldn't be happier about any of it. It's like everything just fell into place the exact way that it was supposed to.

Frank and I enjoy the sunrise together for a while before Harm wakes up and comes down the stairs in his running clothes, finding us on the porch in the same spot we came to at four in the morning.

"You aren't ready?" he asks me, taking in my appearance.

"Oh there will be no running today. I don't think baby wants to be jostled around in there this morning based on his or her escapades earlier."

"Not good? You should have woken me up, Mac. I would have gotten up with you."

"Harmon Rabb, Jr. I love you, but I do not want our mornings to start off with you holding my hair back."

"I thought that was just part of the territory?"

"I'm fine, but you can go inside and grab me a mint from that candy jar I saw in the living room before you leave for your run on the beach."

"You still want to go to the cabin?"

"Are you asking me honestly?" I saw with a rise to my brow because I didn't know that it was just an option.

"Of course. If you don't feel up to it, we don't have to go this time around. We can come back after the baby's born and tool around the lake with her."

"Him?" I say, suggesting rather than questioning.

He just smiles back at me and I'm in awe at the way my knees buckle everytime.

"I wouldn't mind just staying here. You know I'm a sucker for the beach. That is, if you guys wouldn't mind us camping our here for the duration?" I turn, asking Frank, who was still staring off onto the beach.

"We would love if you guys stayed! Harm and I can get in a few full games. Trish can take you by the gallery. We can even start spoiling our grandchild, if you'd let us."

"Oh Frank, it's too early for that, but I can certainly take my beautiful daughter for some pampering and some maternity clothes if she would like?" Trish says, appearing from behind us and easily catching on to the conversation we were having.

"You don't need to do that Trish, but everything is just so nice here. I would love to just relax around family for the rest of the week."

Harm is smiling on the corner of the porch, watching the exchange between Frank, Trish, and I. He was enjoying the fact that I was getting on so well with his parents, and I admit to myself that I'm enjoying it too.

The rest of our week is filled with spa days for Trish and I and one small trip to a maternity store at her insistence. How we were in there for only a half hour and walked out with an entire wardrobe, I'll never know. She again insisted that I needed everything she could get her hands on. I also quickly learned that I was not allowed to say no to the woman who genuinely wanted a good relationship with me.

When it came time to leave, I was actually not looking forward to going back to the JAG grind like always.

"You can always move out here." Trish says with a smile as she is seeing us off at the airport since Frank couldn't come because of work.

"That sounds like a great idea. We could get a house a few doors down, play on the beach during the day… I could totally do that."

"But you forget that we have a whole life for us back in Washington, and a Doctor's appointment on Thursday." Harm says with a hand to my shoulder and a loving smile.

"Which, I would like to get a call after. I want to know when I can expect my grandson to be born."

"Grand_son_? Has Mac got you on this too?" Harm asks with a roll of his eyes.

It has been somewhat of a thing with the two of us all week. Since Trish and Frank know about the baby, we could talk about it freely without having to censor anything. I got sick of calling it an it, so I thought about it and came to the conclusion that our first was going to be a boy. Harm thinks otherwise.

"You don't question a mother's intuition Harmon, and she thinks it is a boy… so I do too."

"What about father's intuition?"

"I don't know… Sarah, have you heard of this before, because I haven't heard of this before…" Trish looks to me and says in a teasing voice, much to the demise of my husband.

"All right all right, we'll go home. I think that that poor baby is sick of being picked on by his mommy and his wife. I should get him back." I say, patting Harm on the chest.

"It has been wonderful getting to know you this week, Sarah. I love you so much, and you make sure that you take care of that little one in there."

"I will, mom." I say, and it feels right, but almost sounds foreign coming out of my lips so easily.

It causes a few tears to well up in her eyes and I can feel it when she hugs me that she understood exactly what it meant for me to say that to her.

"Harmon, take care of her."

"What about me?"

"You're fine. You've got to focus on your family now. I love you too, baby." She says, grabbing Harm for a quick hug as well.

Back to the grind.


	24. Half Squid Half Jarhead

**Author's Note: Okay, I know that you all hate me for not updating, but after a crazy end of the school year, I had a hard time getting back into things. Now I'm back and I'm determined to work more on this fic. I also thought of another one as well, but I'm having to write it backwards right now, because I can't think of the perfect way to start it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this installment and I will try to update more regularly until it's done! Review if you would like!**

Thursday comes faster than we could have imagined, and probably at the worst time possible. Harm was knee deep in a new investigation and I was back on regular cases, but still being occasionally loaned out to the bench. When he called me saying that he was probably going to have to just meet me there, I was a bit heart broken. I know that at first I said that it wasn't that big a deal, but as the days have progressed and as my mind has wrapped around this whole baby idea, I've wanted him there for every part of it.

"Colonel MacKenzie? You ready to come back?"

I look toward the door with a bit of longing but stand up nodding any way.

"My husband is on his way, can we hold off a minute?"

"Why don't we get you back there and take some blood and get a history and by the time the doctor wants to chat with you, he'll probably be here. How does that sound?"

"Sure, that's sounds just fine."

She takes me back and sits me down to ask the usual questions and take down my vitals and then tells me that the doctor will be back in a minute after the few tests that they wanted to run with my blood and urine came back.

The knock comes sooner than I thought it would, which causes me to jump a bit.

"Colonel, you're back so soon!"

"I am." I say with a small smile.

"And I see on the chart that you recently got married?"

"About a month ago actually."

"Forgive me for asking, but I thought that your fiance's name was Brumby, but your sheet says Rabb."

"In a nut shell, I didn't marry the first and ended up marrying the one that I was meant to be with the whole time."

"And you're here now because…"

"We're pregnant."

"Which I have confirmed through some—" she was interrupted by another knock on the door.

"Sorry Doctor, but a Commander Rabb is outside saying that he was supposed to be in here with his wife."

"Send him back."

When Harm walks in, I'm instantly at ease. It's funny how someone just being in your presence can cause that feeling.

"All right, now as I was saying… we have confirmed you are pregnant, and based on what you told me, you think you can be anywhere between 5-8 weeks along?"

"That is what we think, but I've never done this before, so I don't know for sure." I say with a nervous laugh.

"Okay, well I want to bring in the ultrasound to check things out and to see how far along you actually are. Nothing is going to hurt and if all is working properly, you'll get to see a picture of your baby boy or girl in just a minute."

I think that when she said that, it all became real. We were reading that different women have different things that make the light bulb go off about the baby. For some it is hearing the heartbeat, some it is just seeing the baby on a grainy screen, and some don't get that feeling until they feel the baby kick for the first time. For me, it is going to be the screen, and I can tell from the white shade Harm's face took when she said that, that it just got real for him too.

When the doctor steps out of the room, I turn to him with a smile on my face, "Are you still with me sailor?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but this is really happening now, you realize that, don't you?"

"When she said we were going to see the baby I panicked on the inside just a little bit."

"Same."

When she rolls everything back in, the nerves hit, which Harm automatically recognizes in my face. There is only so much a pregnant Marine can take really, and apparently this was it. He starts drawing small circles on the back of my hand to calm me down.

"It's going to be fine, Mac." He whispers in my ear.

"So, talk to me Colonel," the Doctor says, as she sets things up and pours some sort of gel on my lower abdomen. "Have you had any kind of pain since this started?"

"No, none. Morning sickness has really been it, and exhaustion. I can't seem to stay awake any more."

"What about sex? Any pain during sex since the baby made him or herself known?"

"No…"

"What about any bleeding?"

As she's asking these questions, she's looking directly at the monitor and my heart starts to beat more rapidly than I thought possible.

"No, why?"

"First, let me show you something…" she says, smiling because she obviously sensed that I was starting to panic a bit. Looking up at Harm, I can tell that the line of questioning had rattled him too.

Then she points out a small little sack with a white little peanut in it, and the pulsing image of the tiniest heart I had ever seen.

"The baby looks great. I would say that you are closer towards 8 weeks than 5. In fact, I'm thinking that you're at the tail end of your 8th week."

That causes me to turn my head and catch Harm's smile. It would have been our first night or weekend together. It had to be. And he was right, if that wasn't fate then what could it be?

"Now, I'm going to send some pictures to print out so you can take them with you, but I've got to look around a little bit. When you came in last time, I was noticing a few things but since you didn't complain of any symptoms, I didn't mention it. You said that you typically have a pretty heavy period?"

"Not moreso than most I would think. I get the cramps and they come and go the whole time."

"Okay, no nausea or anything when you have the cramps? Do you have to take any meds for them."

"I pop a few ibuprofen capsules, but that's it." I say shaking my head. Something didn't seem right about this line of questioning.

She turns the monitor off and wipes off my stomach before looking down at my chart for a while.

"Why do I get the feeling that we're in for more than we bargained?" I say to the doctor, who looks up at Harm and I with a look of… I don't know what.

"Though you didn't present with any of the pains and other symptoms before, I could feel some scar tissue during your exam last time. A little is typical, but since you were new to me, I figured that I would be able to keep an eye on it for next year."

"Why didn't you say something during my last appointment?" I ask, genuinely thinking that if this put the baby in danger, the woman was going to be sued.

"As I said, you were not presenting with any of the other symptoms."

"Of what?"

"Endometriosis."

I didn't know anyone who had it, but have heard of the issues that it causes. Major bleeding, lots of pain, and infertility. That was the part that had me stumped though.

"I thought that Endometriosis caused a woman to have a hard time conceiving? If what you said about my dates are true, we're talking that this baby was conceived within two or three days of the two of us even sleeping together for the first time. What are the odds of that?"

"Slim, which is why it makes me think that you have one hardy baby in there."

"Half Navy and Half Marine, doctor," Harm finally says something from my side, where he had remained silent.

"So what does this mean for me?"

"In looking at the ultrasound, you do have some significant scarring that wouldn't have been noticed unless by ultrasound. Women with endometriosis have a higher risk of miscarriage, which we are going to combat with a set of rules that you will be following all through your pregnancy. Desk work only, put your feet up when you get home, no exercising, etc."

"Am I going to have to go on bed rest?"

"We are going to monitor the pregnancy very closely. If you start getting more pain, which is most likely going to coincide with ligament pains, then we are probably going to have to talk to your CO about half days."

"Aside from that, the chief complaint from women is the additional pain caused from the scarring stretching."

"What now?"

"Now, you go to the front desk, make an appointment for two weeks from now, and pick up your baby's first pictures. Enjoy your pregnancy. Call if you feel like something is out of the ordinary. Sharp pains that stay consistent, any bleeding that requires you to actually use something, any more morning sickness than what you've already told me about. Basically, if you start feeling worse, call. If not, we will check on things in a few weeks. Normally I wouldn't need to see you that soon, but I want to be more cautious than not."

"The baby's going to be okay though?"

"Colonel, you do all the things I told you to in that list I'm giving you, and I think that everything will be fine. Just take it easy and make him do all the hard stuff for the next sevenish months." She says with a smile and a small gesture towards Harm.

I smile back, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes. It is halfhearted and fake because frankly the woman in me wants to curl up and cry right now. The Marine in me is determined to follow the doctor's orders to a T.

We make the appointment and walk away with a few grainy pictures to be proud of, but I still can't bring myself to get excited now. I need to go home and look up everything that there is to know about endometriosis.

"Mac?" Harm says, and I snap my head to catch his eye before realizing that we are home. We're at his place and I don't think I uttered a single word since we left the Doctor's office. "You okay?"

"Just processing."

"I get that. I know you need that right now, but when you're done, can you talk to me? I need to process a little bit too."

"It was just so much information at one time, and the risks are higher and that just… it's not… I don't know how to react."

"Hey, what did the doctor say. It had to be a hardy baby if it was conceived in the first place. We've got half Jarhead and half squid in there, Mac. This baby is ready to conquer the world!" he says with a raised fist to get me to smile, which it does.

"From my uterus?"

"It's our kid… it can totally conquer the world from in there."

"High hopes you have, Harmon Rabb…. High hopes."

"Only the highest."


	25. New Beginnings

**Author's Note: Here you go with an update. I'm sorry this is coming along so slowly. The other fic was totally in my head and now I've got another one stuck in there as well. I hope you enjoy this update and look forward to another one! Review if you would like and enjoy!**

All of the different restrictions put on me weren't actually as bad as I thought they were going to be. Working as a judge had come to an end, but I had already talked to the Admiral about switching over on a more permanent assignment.

Our next focus was a house. We had been working on finding somewhere for a while but now that there was a deadline sitting right in front of us, we really needed to get a house settled. That's what brought us here this Saturday, standing in the middle of the living room of the house that I swear I described to Harm.

"Mac, it's perfect."

"Did you see the front porch? And did you see the back yard, and then there's the kitchen… Harm it is the perfect kitchen for you."

"I want to do some updating to some of the bathrooms and part of the kitchen, and I think that we need to think about replacing some of the flooring, but I don't see anything that I don't like."

"There's only one… well a few more things we have to do now."

"Have a couple of kids and get us a big dog?" he says with a laugh, knowing that I was remembering telling him about the house I could see myself living in for the rest of my life.

"What do you guys think?" the realtor says, coming to join us again in the den.

"We're very interested and want to put in an offer."

"That's what I thought, so I already drew up the paperwork with an offer written in."

Harm's eyebrows raise as he takes the paper from the realtor and looks down at the offer, which had a lot less zeroes than we were anticipating, "You're kidding me, right? We aren't going to be taken seriously with that offer, I know what this house was listing for."

"True, but I'm positive that you'll get the house if you put in this offer."

"Why do I sense that you know more than I do."

"Because I do." He says with a smile.

"What's wrong with the place?"

"Nothing… I just had help with setting this house up for the two of you, and I know that you'll be fine."

"Help?" I ask, wondering what exactly that could mean coming from a realtor.

"Did you know that I spent a number of years doing real estate out in California? La Jolla and the surrounding areas specifically."

"So I assume that you know my step father."

"Frank and I go way back."

"And what exactly did Frank help you with?"

"I mentioned the house to him in passing and he told me that his beautiful daughter-in-law had described that very house to him one morning while the watched the sun rise together. He said that you would love it and that you should have it no matter what, so he took care of that part."

"By doing what exactly?"

"Buying the house for you." The realtor says, smiling.

"Harm! Frank can't buy us a house!" I loudly say, protesting such an extravagant gift.

"Oh no, don't be mistaken, he didn't buy it in your name, he bought it for himself with the intention of selling it to the two of you because he told me that you wouldn't accept the gift."

"How much did he pay for it?"

"I am not allowed to disclose that information to you, but I can say that it was less than what it was listed for and more than the offer we are sending."

"That tells me nothing." Harm says, knowing that his stepfather was only wanting the best for us.

"Harm, if we are buying it from him then we can put what we want, so why don't we up the offer to something that we would feel comfortable with, and if he says that he doesn't want that much, then we will make sure that he takes it anyway. Either way, he was right and this is the house for us. He just wanted to make sure that we got it."

"How many times did you and Frank get up early together?" he says with a laugh and I fondly remember waking up and joining Frank to watch the sunrise over the ocean and chat away the morning about everything we could think of.

"Enough times that I understand where he's coming from and I appreciate the gesture. He didn't get to spoil you then, Harm. Give this to him now.

He thinks about it for a moment, looking down at the papers in his hands before telling the realtor that we were going to definitely buy the house, but he needed to raise the offer by sixty thousand dollars. This would still be a steal, but more realistic than the amount that was down originally.

One month later, the house would officially be ours, but since Frank owned it, he insisted that we start getting everything the way we like it immediately. This meant shopping for new furniture, painting the walls, deciding on decorations.

"You know, I'm actually surprised at the two of us." Harm says two weeks later as we are curled up on the couch in my apartment.

"Why?"

"Because I have totally enjoyed getting this house ready for the three of us with you. Our tastes seem to be totally different, but we agree on all the same things."

"Well, it's the first time that we're buying things to last… I think that's the difference."

"When do you want to look at baby furniture?" he says, patting my slightly rounded stomach.

I was around three months pregnant now and the baby was just now making my waistline feel its presence. I couldn't button things the way I used to, but no one knew except Harm and I.

"After we get everything else done. This part is for us for now, and I want to get it all settled before we bring in everything the baby is going to need."

"You're right."

"So we have about a week to finish the painting and get everything in the way you want it to before the furniture is delivered."

"Bud wanted to come help me this weekend and we even invited the Admiral and Tiner over. It's going to be a guys weekend so you girls can do all that mushy gushy stuff that you love to do like get a manicure."

"Nobody asked why I wasn't painting?"

"I told them that I wanted you to have a break after all the work you were putting in on the house already."

"Harm, I haven't lifted a finger."

"They don't know that, Mac."

"All right, I think that's a good idea then."

It all went without a hitch, and we were ready to move in, until getting called into the Admiral's office.

"How's the move coming along?" he asks as they are called at ease and asked to sit down.

"Well, the majority of it is happening this weekend, you know sir."

"I do… which is why this is hard to have to ask, but I need you both on an investigation. Something that happened on the Patrick Henry."

Crap. That is my only thought when the Admiral says it, because I'm not allowed to travel and even if I was, I can't serve on a carrier while I'm pregnant because it would be against regulations.

"So you're sending us both to the Patrick Henry?" Harm asks after giving me a nervous glance.

"No. I'm sending you to the Patrick Henry, Commander. The Colonel needs to stay here to do some investigating from home."

"Oh, okay, we can work out the moving stuff at a later time then. I'm sure I can get some help for the weekend." Harm says as the two of us breathe a sigh of relief that our secret was kept.

"I will take care of that Commander. I'm sure that I can rearrange my weekend to help the Colonel at the house, and I'm also sure that I can enlist the help of a few people around the office to help as well. Besides… you know very well that I wasn't going to be sending the Colonel off to the Patrick Henry with you… I believe that it would be against regulations."

"Sir?" I ask without actually asking the question.

"Your secret's safe with me, and I'm sure hardly noticed by anyone else."

"How long have you known?"

"Right before you took your leave for the honeymoon I figured it out. The fact that the Colonel wasn't supervising our painting this past weekend confirmed the whole idea."

"We had just found out before we left sir…"

"You forget that I've watched the two of you carefully dance around each other for years. I know what to look for. Just like that day in the conference room when I thought the Colonel was going to toss her breakfast. All things to look for." He says with a smile on his face.

"We were waiting until I was further along to tell everyone, sir. I'm sorry that we didn't let you know right away."

"How far along are you Colonel?"

"Almost 13 weeks sir."

"Well, by my understanding, isn't that when you start telling everyone the happy news?"

Another nervous glance passes between Harm and I, not knowing whether or not to share all the details with the Admiral.

"Sir, there are some concerns with the pregnancy that we weren't aware of. I was actually going to come meet with you in a few weeks to talk about when I need to start going on limited duty."

"Everything's okay?" he asks with the concern of a father.

"Most likely, it will be sir. But we need to keep an eye on Mac and the baby so everything goes smoothly." Harm says, reaching over to grab onto my hand… not caring that we were in the Admiral's office.

"Well, whatever you need, you let me know. In fact, I want to sit down with you next week to talk about what your doctor would like you to do for maternity leaves and whatnot. We'll have to get Lieutenant Simms in here to talk about the paperwork as well, so you may want to let her in on the secret sometime soon."

"Will do sir."

"Now, let's get back to this case on the Patrick Henry."

Harm was to be gone for just a few days, but it was just enough to make me upset that he was leaving so soon.

"I know that you have to go out there and I can't go out there, but this really stinks."

"We've been apart before Mac."

"I know we have, but it's totally different now, and I'm just worried about this weekend and moving everything around."

"Well, the Admiral has come up with a great cover story for you, and you and Harriet will be out celebrating your pregnancy while the men do all the work."

"Sending me out of town on another part of your investigation was good thinking on the Admiral's part, and assuming responsibility for the moving trucks was above and beyond his duties."

"Mac, he loves you. You know that, and I think that since he doesn't have his daughter here, you're the closest thing he has to that. Why not let him dote on you for a while?" he asks, and I'm forced to remember all the times the Admiral had acted more like a concerned parent than a commanding officer to both of us.

"I know… I just wish that my husband was here." I say, wrapping my arms around him to show him just how much I was going to miss him.


	26. Surprises

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry about the lateness in updating this one. I know you all think that I have forgotten about this. I haven't! This chapter is an idea that my roommate had, so I made it happen… hope you enjoy and get ready for some crazy! Review if you would like!**

Harm being gone was probably for the best when the next blip on the radar came to be, but when he came home, it only served to be worse.

"Colonel, we need to talk about a few things." The Admiral says sitting her down in front of him after he called her in for a meeting right away that morning.

"Okay, sir, what is it that you need? Do I need to submit more paper work?" I ask, thinking about all the different papers I had to sign the week before when talking to the Admiral about when I would take a maternity leave.

Harriet and Bud were the only ones at JAG who knew aside from the Admiral, which is how we wanted to keep it for as long as possible. I was starting to show in my 15th week, but it was easily hidden under the uniform. The only time that you could tell was when I was lounging around in yoga pants and a tank top because apparently pregnancy causes hot flashes.

"Something has come up, and I just wanted to give you the heads up before it happens."

"Okay…"

"I've been asked to have someone come back to JAG by the SECNAV. After explaining to him the situation, he still insists on this particular individual coming back to preserve our ties with other countries."

"Sir, you don't mean…"

"Commander Brumby will be back at JAG starting on Monday."

My jaw drops. I know that the reaction is unprofessional, but can you blame me? I never thought that I would see him again, let alone have to work with him.

"Now, I know that you are doing a lot more on the bench and you are going to start taking a lighter load here pretty soon, but you will probably have to work with him during the course of his stay here. Is that going to be a problem with you?"

"I don't worry about me, I worry about Harm." I say with a smirk.

"From my understanding, Brumby was always holding out hope that you loved him just as much as Rabb."

"Admiral, are you suggesting that I would go back to…"

"NO! I'm just looking out for the interests of my JAGs. Do you think it is going to cause problems?"

"I think that those first few weeks are going to be a bumpy road, but after that I think we can get past it."

"Very well then. He will be here on Monday, and it is my understanding that Commander Rabb will return on Thursday, correct?"

"Yes sir. It took him longer than anticipated, but he did mention something about coming home next week."

"How's everything with the house?"

"It's going great. Bud and Harriet have been over working on everything with me, so it is going to be all set up and perfect when Harm gets home. I'm still staying at my apartment though, I can't seem to stay there by myself yet."

"Do you need any extra hands?"

"Thank you, but I think that I'll be fine. For the most part, everything is going well. I'll be glad to have him back."

The Admiral smirks at that and she raises a brow in response.

"It is just amusing to see the two of you finally together. All these years watching you dodge each other and try to act like you weren't more than casual friends."

"We thought we were doing a good job."

"You were… to yourselves. We all just knew better." He says, waving a hand in a gesture that dismissed her.

When she got into the bullpen, Harriet was immediately at her side, "Do you want to come over tonight for dinner? I'm making lasagna and I know that AJ would love to see his godmother!"

"Harriet, that's sweet, but I really just want to go home tonight and sleep."

"The house and everything is too much, isn't it?"

"No… I'm just tired."

"Are you sure you aren't over doing it?" she asks with concern.

"I just need a weekend to lounge around and do nothing until Harm gets back. I'm going to stay in all weekend and read or maybe I could look online for some stuff for you-know-what."

"That would be fun… and you'll let me know if you want to go out and look around anywhere this weekend too?"

"I might need to step out for some new clothes… at least a new uniform jacket."

"You might want to consider—"

"No. Not yet."

This is when Harriet pulls me into my office for a talk that I wasn't prepared for.

"Permission to speak freely, Ma'am?"

"Always." I say and watch her take a deep breath before continuing.

"What is wrong with everyone finding out?! It's a baby, it isn't the plague!"

"Harriet…"

"No, I just don't understand. I know that there are risks, and I get that. Believe me… I get that, but Mac! You should be celebrating this. You should be basking in the glow of pregnancy while everyone around you wants to wait on you hand and foot. Right now, you're hiding it under a uniform and only letting the poor kid come up for air when you're locked in the apartment. Why?"

"Because I don't want the judgement."

"What judgement?"

"Harm and I just got married… and I don't want everyone to think that we just got married because of the baby."

"Mac, we all knew that the two of you were headed down that road. No one questions that you love each other. If we're being honest, I don't think that everyone has realized that you guys are even married. They are so used to the two of you bantering the way you do and all your crazy antics. You're Mac and Harm… they aren't going to judge that."

"yeah…"

"And if they do… who cares? You outrank the majority of this office, you're prettier than the rest of us girls, and you're sleeping with Commander Rabb. If anything… them finding out that you're pregnant will only serve to make them more jealous of you than judging your timing."

With that I smile, knowing that she was really just trying to make me feel better about the whole thing. It was making me feel better and she was right. I don't know why I am worried about something that really has no real effect on me. The people I care about are what matter, and right now, they are all in support of what Harm and I are doing, and they know the true story.

"You're right."

"I know I am."

"So, I will not advertise, but not hide."

Harriet lets out a sigh before smiling, "I guess that's a start."

With a laugh, she leaves me to the rest of my afternoon. I was glad that it was Friday. In less than a week, Harm would be home, we would be officially moved into our new house, and I felt like our lives could really begin. However, Monday was something I wasn't looking forward to. I was sitting for a case that would probably keep me in court until at least Wednesday, but I knew that Brumby would come searching for me then. I could only think about all the things that would be going through my head in that moment. What do you say to a man who was so in love with you and you basically shoved him away?

I would find out sooner rather than later when Saturday evening rolled around and there was a knock at my door. Harriet was coming by to watch a movie with me and look through a few catalogues for baby furniture, so I was in my best lounge wear. She would be happy to note that the baby was definitely not hidden this evening, because frankly, I couldn't fit into my regular pants anymore and my waist seemed to expand more each day.

"You're early!" I say opening the door without looking out first.

"Mac." He says with that thick Australian accent that I found so incredible at one point.

"Mic." I say, wrapping my robe more tightly around me, hoping that he didn't notice anything. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't the Admiral tell you I was coming back?"

"He did, but I assumed that I was just going to see you on Monday."

"I wanted to see you before then. I wanted… I just had to see you."

"Mic…"

"Sarah, love. Tell me that we can figure all this out?" he says, and I immediately start to panic. How am I going to tell him all of this?

"Mic, we can't." I say just above a whisper.

He leans in to kiss me then and my arms go up to press him away, causing my robe to come apart, and Mic to fall back a bit. He's trying to make sense of the moment when I realize that his eyes have gone wide.

His jaw sets before he asks me in a hushed tone gesturing toward my stomach, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I'm confused for a minute, and I wrap my arms around myself again, "Why would I tell you?"

"You were going to let me live not knowing my own child?" he says and it all crashes down in an instant.

He thought the baby was his. He thought that she was pregnant with his child and she never told him about it.

"Mic, this is not what you think it is."

"How can it not be what I think it is? Sarah, you're already showing!"

"This is not your child." I say, in a firm tone, trying to get through to him.

"I can't believe that you would do this… that you would hide this from me."

"Mic, you don't understand –" I start before I hear someone behind Mic.

"Mac?" Harriet says, obviously confused at the sight before her.

"It's okay, Harriet. Commander Brumby was just leaving." She says, gesturing for the other woman to come in.

"Sarah, we have to talk." He insists.

"No, we don't. This is not your child. You and I are not going to be working things out. I'm sorry Mic, but we are co-workers and nothing more." She says with finality before shutting the door.


	27. Bullpen

**Author's Note:**

**So many people were flipping out after that installment that I decided to try to post the next chapter within the week. I hope you're enjoying this and continue to read and reread! Review if you would like!**

"What was that all about?" Harriet asks, after I close the door behind me.

"I think he thinks that the baby is his."

"How could he possibly think that? The two of you haven't been together for… what is it?... five or six months?"

"Closer to six. He might not know what a six month pregnant woman looks like. It looks different on every woman anyways."

"But would he really think that you wouldn't tell him about it?"

"I don't know… the way we left things after what happened with Harm, he was so unhappy with me, that it wouldn't surprise me that he thought that."

"So, does he really think that Harm would be all fine with raising his son or daughter?"

"I didn't get to tell him that Harm and I were… well… Harm and I."

"Mac."

"You saw how upset he got! He had tried to kiss me right before you showed up and he saw the baby bump. I had pushed him away and my robe opened up a bit."

"So he doesn't know that you and Harm are married and he thinks that the baby is his, and the two of you… scratch that. The three of you are supposed to be working together?"

"I guess so."

"This is going to get interesting."

"It is." I say, letting my mind wander at the possibilities of what exactly could happen with all of this.

When Monday came around, I was glad that I was needed to sub in for another judge instead of being around in my office. In fact, I avoided my office the entire day because the trial was in fact going to take as long as I had initially thought. I figured that I could get away with hiding out near the courtroom for the rest of the week, which proved to be untrue when the Admiral asked for me to come in at the end of the day to talk to him about something.

The Admiral's heart never ceased to amaze me as he didn't need to see me at all, but knew that my sailor had come home early and would be arriving at JAG just as I recessed for the day.

We hadn't been apart that long since we got married, so it proved to be a trying experience. Especially with all the things with the baby and just wanted him here, it was no surprise that when our eyes met, the grin nearly split me in two.

Harm walked toward me as fast as he could, and put my hand in his to pull me into his office before kissing me with hello. It was horribly inappropriate to do at work, but we were at least behind the wall when we did it.

"God, I missed you." He says, looking me up and down and causing that familiar shiver to course through me.

"I missed you too, flyboy. How did you get back early?"

"We wrapped things up on Saturday afternoon, and I was able to get a flight in that evening. How are you doing?"

"I'm good, and we're good." I say, dropping my hand to my stomach, which he overlaps with his own.

"I'm glad. How's the house?"

"I wouldn't know. I've been staying at my place while you've been gone. We got most everything done, but I couldn't stay there without you. There were a few things that I wanted you to be there for anyways."

"Well, then, let's get through with this day so we can go make that house into what we want it to be." He says, putting my hands in his and pulling them to his lips to kiss my fingertips.

When we walk out of his office, we practically run into Brumby lurking nearby.

"Mac, we still haven't gotten a chance to talk about what was brought up on Saturday." Mic says, completely ignoring Harm's presence.

"Brumby? What are you doing back here?" Harm asks with an obvious disdain to his voice and disgust in his face.

"Apparently they wanted me back. Seems they need a good lawyer now that Mac here is working on the bench more." he says with a smirk, and I know that this is just the beginning.

"The Admiral told me on Friday that Commander Brumby would be coming back. I didn't get a chance to tell you about it. Then Mic stopped by my apartment to say hello on Saturday night right before Harriet came over." I say, trying to explain everything to him so he would understand the timeline of events for what I knew was about to happen.

"Would you like to have dinner tonight Mac?" Mic asks, and I don't know what to say. Just saying no wasn't going to work, but this was also not the time to bring up the current situation.

"Mic, I can't. I told you that it wasn't going to happen between the two of us—"

"Wait, he wants you back?" Harm asks, turning to me with a wide eyed expression.

"That's none of your business Commander." Mic says, trying to draw his attention away from Mac.

"The hell it is, Brumby!" he replies, raising his voice and causing a few other staff members to look up, including Harriet, who stood up to go grab the Admiral before this got out of control. "Mac, didn't you tell him?"

"Harm, I didn't get a chance to talk to him about anything… he just…"

"Found out that you were keeping me from my child." Brumby supplied, and I could see Harm's blood pressure rise in mere seconds.

"Your child!? I'm sorry to inform you of this Commander, but that baby is NOT your child."

"If it's not mine, then whose is it?" he asks, crossing his arms.

"Her husband's." Harm says simply and Mac's eyes widen as Harm's arms cross in a similar fashion.

Where is the Admiral? I didn't want this to happen in the middle of the bullpen at JAG. This is not going to happen in the middle of the bullpen at JAG. We are not hashing this out here.

"Her what?" he says, turning toward her and glancing down to notice the two rings set on her finger.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me…" he says quietly, not believing the sight. "You won't walk down the aisle to me, but you'll get pregnant and marry the first guy who beds you after I leave?"

I then take back everything that I said to the Admiral about who was going to have the bigger problem with Brumby. As my fist connects with his jaw, the Admiral emerges from his office with a slack jawed Harriet close behind. He hit the ground before he even knew what had happened.

"Mac!" Harm says, walking over to me and grabbing the hand that I was shaking out.

"Colonel, Commander… I think that I need to speak with you in my office. Lieutenant Roberts, get Commander Brumby some ice and have him also come to my office. Apparently I've become the principal in some high school drama somewhere." The Admiral says in his booming command voice.

We are still standing at attention in his office when Mic arrives with an ice pack to his cheek.

"Colonel, I asked you if having Brumby back was going to be a problem for you, and you informed me that it would not. I was worried that Commander Rabb would take the first hit, so please explain to me why you saw fit to knock Commander Brumby into tomorrow in the middle of my offices!"

"Sir, he made a rude comment about something regarding my pregnancy and my personal decisions. His comment was uncalled for, but I do realize that I shouldn't have hit him." I say, hoping that would satisfy his curiosity.

"Commander Rabb, what do you think about the situation?"

"If she hadn't done it, I would have, sir." Harm says and I swear I can see the Admrial smirk.

"Commander Brumby, please repeat for me what you said."

He hesitates before letting it out in one breath, "I told the Colonel that if the child she was carrying wasn't mine and she was able to walk down the aisle, then she must have gotten married because she got pregnant and bedded the first man after I left."

"In defense of the Colonel, I would have hit you too. Commander Brumby, you know nothing. I used to think that you were blind, and then I realized that everyone else in the mix was blind too."

"Blind, sir?" Brumby asks, confused by the statement.

"She wasn't ever going to be able to marry you. It wasn't going to happen, and I think all of us knew it. At least we definitely thought it more than a few times. It wasn't a surprise when you left, and given what has happened since you left, I really didn't want you to be back here. However, the SECNAV felt differently. If you were here, you would know that the Colonel and Commander Rabb got married weeks ago, and found out that they were going to have a child just weeks after that. Contrary to your belief, the Colonel did not bed the first man she found… you and I both know that she and the Commander were the reason she didn't marry you."

"The two of you got married?" he says, turning between the two of us and glancing down at my stomach every now and then.

"Mic, I never meant to hurt you the way I did, but the Admiral is right. I wasn't going to be able to marry you. If I did, we wouldn't have lasted anyways."

"Were you seeing each other behind my back?" He asks, and I have to clench my jaw to not get even more upset than I already was at him.

"I don't think that is an appropriate line of questioning for this office Commander." The Admiral pipes in, as if this whole situation was not appropriate for JAG.

After the Admiral makes us assure him that something like this is not going to happen at JAG again, we are told to go home for the day. As we are leaving though, I realize how this looks to Mic and need to clear something up.

I tap on his doorframe after telling Harm to just meet me at the elevator so we can go home, "Mic. I want you to know that I was faithful to you. Harm and I weren't seeing each other behind your back."

"Maybe you weren't unfaithful with your body, but with your mind, you were never mine." He says, before letting his gaze fall back down to the paperwork he had been working on when I knocked.

"Good night, Mic." I say softly.


	28. Dirty Laundry

**Author's Note:**

**Hey y'all! Yes, I'm still here. I've been so consumed with writing other things and the craziness that is my life, but I promise that I'm still thinking about all of you and this fan fic. I'm also still working on "The Things We Keep Or Give Away". I've gotten plenty of PMs and Reviews asking me about when things will be updated. Rest assured that I'm trying to update at least one fic each week so you can all be happy. I hope that you enjoy this installment, and review if you would like!**

As she walks toward me, the scowl I know is on my face fades just a bit because I see the more prominent stomach starting to show through the new jacket she was trying to hide it with.

"What's with the face, Commander?" she asks upon reaching the elevator.

"I wish that I would have known this coming in today."

"Harm, the Admiral told me on Friday and I wanted to wait it out until I at least saw him again to see what we would be dealing with."

"And you didn't think to call me Saturday night after he showed up at your old apartment?" he asks with a snippy tone as he pushes the button for the lobby.

"In my defense, it would have been useless anyways because you were already in transport home!"

Crap. She is right about that. "Yeah, but you could have let me know on Friday. We talked Friday night and you didn't mention anything."

"Well, I didn't want to ruin the one conversation I thought I would get to have with you for the next week. Can't you understand that?"

I can, but I'm still keyed up about the whole situation from today. "Mac, Brumby is going to be trouble."

"No he isn't."

"Oh really? He thinks that the baby is his, how do you not think that is going to cause major issues around the office?"

"Harm, I told him it wasn't his."

"Yeah, and that seemed to work so well the first time that he decided to air all our dirty laundry in the middle of the bullpen."

"Dirty Laundry? Our baby is dirty laundry?"

"That isn't what I said."

She just looks at me for a few minutes in the parking lot, and I can tell that I've hit a wrong nerve. I don't even get the chance to tell her that a cab dropped me off at JAG before she gets into the car and leaves the parking lot.

I'm sitting on the stairs figuring out what to say to her when I see her again when I hear the loud commanding voice behind me, "What did you do this time, Rabb?"

"I said something stupid, and she thought that it meant something that I really didn't mean it to mean… if that makes any sense sir."

"And she left… without you."

"Well, she didn't know that I came in a cab, so she isn't being too terribly mean."

"I'll give you a ride if you can tell me what happened and I don't want to kill you for hurting her."

"I was angry that she didn't tell me about Brumby coming back and I was upset that everyone found out about the baby in the middle of a scandalous display, and I'm worried that this Brumby thing isn't over."

"That doesn't sound so bad, but a hormonal Marine isn't who you should say any of that to." The Admiral says laughing at me and shaking his head.

"Well, I said something about airing our dirty laundry in the bullpen, and I think she thought that I meant the baby was dirty laundry when I said it. And I know that is one of the reasons she was so hesitant for everyone to find out about the baby… because she didn't want people to think that is why we got married."

"It isn't though, and the two of you know that, so everyone else can be damned."

"I know that sir, but she can't get past it." I say, throwing my arms up.

"Do you know where she went?"

"I would hope that she went to the house, but I don't know."

"We'll try there first."

We did in fact find Mac at the new house, pacing in front of the living room window and waiting for me to come home. The surprise on her face when the Admiral stepped out of the car and she opened the front door was not lost on me.

"I had a cab drop me at JAG, so I didn't have a ride home. The Admiral gave me a ride, and he said that he wants to talk to both of us anyways." I say, walking into the new home and seeing it done for the first time.

We sit down in the living room and the Admiral shakes his head. "You know, I thought that the two of you had it finally figured out. You finally admitted that you were in love with each other for all these years, you got married, you're getting ready to start a family, and you're going to let something stupid overshadow that?"

"Sir…" Mac starts, but he cuts her off quickly.

"Mac, you need to get over the fact that people are going to talk. Regardless of when or how this baby was conceived, you are going to love it just the same. It is going to be here because the two of you love each other and no one has the right to stand in the way of that. Also, there needs to be no more hitting of Commander Brumby. There might be more issues where he is concerned, but you need to let someone else take care of those issues because you do not need additional stress. Lastly, the Commander did not mean that the baby was your 'dirty laundry', he was just talking about both of your pasts."

"Thank you sir." She says, taking the man's voice to heart.

"Commander… get over it. She's with you now and she's staying there as far as I can tell. I know that your macho ego is concerned about Brumby, but know that she didn't hesitate for you. She loves you and Brumby may act like he's got a chance, but he only does if hell has frozen over. And if a situation arises again where Commander Brumby is to be hit… I would hope that you wouldn't stand by and let your pregnant wife do the honors… but again. We shouldn't be hitting him anyway. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir" we both say, nearly snapping to attention before realizing that we were in our home.

"Now… can I have the tour since you did everything last week Colonel?" he says with a smile, looking to Mac.

When he leaves, Mac walks past me into the living room to plop down on the sofa with her head back and her hand on her stomach. She hadn't even gotten the chance to change out of her uniform.

"Marine, I think you deserve a nice long shower, a change into your pajamas, and a back massage from your husband."

"Just a back massage?" she says with a quirk of the brow that has my mind reeling.

"If you can think of anything else, I'm sure I could arrange something."

"You were gone for two weeks and you're propositioning me with a back massage?"

"You want it another way?"

"Harm, had Brumby not interrupted us this afternoon, I probably would have had you on the desk at the office." She says, getting up from the couch and no appearing tired at all anymore.

"Hey Mac, did you miss me?"

"Come upstairs and find out…" she says, unbuttoning her jacket and making her way up the stairs, trailing pieces of her uniform behind her as she goes.

By the time I shut the lights off downstairs and follow her, she's exactly where I want her to be, and my eyes go wide at the sight of the small baby bump that's grown since I was home.

I reach out to touch it and she giggles, "You act like you've never seen a pregnant woman before."

"You are so beautiful, Sarah… and I missed you so much."

"I love that you tell me those things, but show me… we've got to Christen the bedroom anyways."

"It's good to be home."

The next morning it was back to the grind working back at JAG. That is something that never ceases to amaze me with this job. You can be gone to a carrier for weeks and nothing seems to have changed while you were away really. The office went on without you and people went to trial like always while you were halfway around the world. And then you come back and you're supposed to fit right back in to everything. Every now and then, I think about that and realize that the life I'm leading is unlike any other. It's a pleasant and strange thought… one that is interrupted by Bud.

"Sir, Commander Brumby told me to hand this off to you. Apparently he is defending during the Dover Court Martial and wanted you to have these reports."

"The Dover Court Martial."

"Yes sir, it came onto your plate while you were on the Seahawk."

"So one of the first things that the Admiral does is have me and Brumby face off in court?" I say to Bud, then add under my breath, "I thought he didn't want me hitting the guy…"

"What was that sir?"

"Nothing. Thank you Bud. And hey, what do you say to you and Harriet coming over on Saturday for dinner? Mac and I would like to say thank you for all the help you've given us with the house."

"I'll ask Harriet, thank you sir." Bud says in his excited voice and walks out to go finish his other duties.

When I'm left alone again, I'm forced to ponder another reality. Mac not being here. I mean, I know that she's here in the building and even still technically working as a JAG, but it's different now. As a judge, I don't get to see her as often and I miss being able to just walk into her office to run an idea by her. It makes me wonder how everything is going to go after the baby is born. Wow… baby… I'm still getting used to that idea. She and I made a deal when Bud and Harriet had AJ, but I never thought that it could actually happen. I hoped, but I didn't know that we would make it this far. It's been everything I hoped it to be though.

This time my thoughts are broken when Bud comes running back into the room, "Commander, they need you in the courtroom. Something happened with the Colonel and they're calling a doctor. I don't know the details, they just told me to come get you."

It was one of those automatic pilot moments as I sprinted through the halls to get to her, finding her laying on the couch in the judge ready room with a petty officer leaning over her arguing form.

"Petty Officer, I'm fine." She says, brushing him off… but I can still hear the tremor in her voice.

"Ma'am, we still think you should get checked out."

"Trust me, she'll get checked out." I say, coming to where she can see me as I kneel down next to her.

"Harm…" she says simply before letting a few stray tears fall loose from her cheeks.

"What happened?" I ask while wiping the tears away and moving her hair from her face.

"I don't know. I was fine and all the sudden I was sitting up there and everything started to go black. So I called for a recess and stood up and then I just collapsed."

"She was only out for a few seconds sir, but we called for an ambulance anyway." The same Petty Officer informs me from behind.

"Thank you."

"What if something is wrong?" she asks in a voice so helpless that it almost doesn't sound like her.

"Mac, it's going to be fine. Stop worrying. Maybe you just overdid it today."

"Harm, I've been sitting on a chair all day. How is that overdoing it?"

"We had a long day yesterday, so maybe it is all just catching up with you."

"Colonel?" we hear from the door coming towards us. "What happened."

"She got a little dizzy and passed out, Admiral. There is an ambulance on the way."

"How do you feel now, Mac?"

"Better than I did, sir."

"I think we'll talk about that limited duty schedule in the next few days then. We can't have our best judge down for the count, can we?"

"No sir." She says with a smile, but I can still feel the nerves coming off her in waves.

I'm sure that it's going to be okay. Wasn't I just marveling at the last few months of my life? It has to all be okay.


	29. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

**Don't worry folks! I'm putting this short installment up as a bridge to get you through the next few weeks. This fic is slowing down in my head, but it is certainly still there. I'm thinking that I'll lead it all the way until she has the baby and cut it for good there. So you'll still have some time to revel in the happy Harm and Mac universe. Enjoy and review if you would like!**

"Everything looks fine." The doctor says, and I breathe a sigh of relief before tears start flooding my vision.

"I was doing too much, wasn't I?"

"From what you have told me you have been doing everything that you are supposed to be doing. I do agree after this that the duty schedule needs to be looked at and you need to start limited duty sooner rather than later, but I'm thinking that it is just a little bit of hypoglycemia. Your blood sugar levels when you came in were lower than we would like."

"So what does she need to do?"

"Well, we are going to give you something to eat here in a bit and take another blood sample, and then we'll let you walk around and check out the gift shop and take another sample to see how quickly your levels are dropping."

"Wouldn't I have felt that before though?"

"The extra tiredness can be a symptom of hypoglycemia as well. Yes it is part of pregnancy, so you wouldn't have questioned it at all. Now that the baby is growing more, your body is just working in a different way so it is using up more energy than you can give it."

"So changing my diet and slowing down at work will fix everything?" I ask, hopeful that everything was still going to go smoothly.

"I think so, but remember that we still need to monitor you pretty closely. You haven't had any pains or anything like that, have you?"

"I've been starting to get the mild ligament pains that you told me about, but you said that is normal."

"That is normal, but be aware that those can sometimes be very painful for women with endometriosis. Your scarring hasn't reached that bad of a point to cover a lot of areas, but as your uterus stretches, the scar tissue will not and that can be extremely painful." The doctor says, and Harm starts to go a little pale. "Mr. Rabb, are you feeling okay?"

"We've been so concerned about the baby and everything with the pregnancy. I'm just wondering about Mac? Is she going to be okay through this? Is the delivery going to be abnormal? Are there any risks to her?" he says so quickly that my mouth drops open just a bit.

Harm is forever going to be the great protector of me, and I never thought that this would be something that would bother him. He and I really did want this family, but I can see that the idea of the endometriosis being a complication was something he wasn't ready to deal with.

"All the research indicates that she should be fine. They don't have any more pain than any other woman trying to deliver a baby. As I mentioned before, there is a high rate of miscarriage, but we are past the point of that being a major concern. There is also the risk of preterm labor, which is why she is going down to limited duty so the baby isn't too shaken up in there and wanting to join the ranks early."

"Harm…" I say, grabbing onto his hand and trying to get him to meet my eyes, "It's going to be okay. I know that we had a little scare today, but I'm feeling better, and the doctor said that the baby is fine. It's going to be fine."

His eyes soften as he takes in my words, and I know that he is just worried because it is me and him… and our whole history together is just too big to not be met with these kinds of concerns. It just makes me love him more.

"If it would make you feel better, Mr. Rabb, we could keep her overnight to monitor the baby and keep watch on the sugar situation to better know what we could be dealing with."

"Mac?" he turns to me, asking if that is what I wanted to do.

"I'd like to just make sure that everything was okay before I went about my everyday things." I say, squeezing Harm's hand. "But I'm only going to stay if you promise me that you'll leave. You have court tomorrow and you're still getting over traveling back. We can call Harriet and see if she can come grab me in the morning or afternoon, and you can stay for a little while tonight, but… can you do that for me?"

I can see him trying to stop the voice in his head from coming out. I can tell that his mind is screaming at me that he doesn't want to leave my side. Then I see the grin on his face that tells me I won the battle.

"You'll be okay tonight?"

"I spent thirty plus years practically by myself Harmon Rabb, I'm sure that I can handle this. Besides,"I say patting my stomach, "The baby can keep me company for the evening."

He laughs and we agree that I'm going to stay for a while longer for tests and things. Harriet agrees to come pick me up in the early afternoon and then mentions that she is out and about doing errands so she'll swing by with a few magazines for me to read tonight.

When she comes, I tell Harm to leave, knowing that leaving me in Harriet's care would be easier for him than leaving me by myself.

However, after Harriet leaves, I'm surprised by an unexpected guest.

"How are you love?" he says in that heavy accent and draws my attention to the door.

"Mic."

He walks into the room, putting his hands in his pockets in a nervous gesture. "I heard what happened, and I just wanted to make sure that you and the baby were okay."

"We're fine. Thank you for stopping by."

"I know what you said, Mac, but are you sure?"

It breaks my heart thinking about him trying to hold onto us in this way, so I gently tell him, "Mic, the timeline doesn't fit."

"Did you go to him right away?" he asks, and I'm forced to realize that he deserves more of an explanation than the admiral telling him that we got married.

"I didn't. I left and went to the Guadalcanal to escape all the looks and the gossip about us cancelling the wedding. I couldn't deal with it."

"Well, seeing as how I fled the country too, I can't blame you."

"He came after me though, ready to talk… and I still pushed him away." I say, not knowing why I was going into more detail.

"Why?"

"Mic, you were ready and willing to give me something that I know I wanted… I really did. I know that you loved me and I know that you would try to make me happy, but I would be lying if I said that he wasn't always in the back of my mind. At our engagement party, he and I were talking about everything we had been through and then it just clicked. I finally admitted to myself that I was in love with him and had been the whole time. After that, I knew that I couldn't marry you."

"But you didn't call it off."

"I didn't know how… I'm sorry to say that, but I admitted that I loved him and then I convinced myself that I couldn't have him all in the same minute. It was such a ridiculous set of circumstances."

"So what changed?"

"After I got back from the Guadalcanal, he came to me and said that the dance was done. Then he said that either we tried to go all in for two weeks, or we would say once and for all that it was never going to happen between the two of us… I opted for two weeks to see what would happen."

"And?" 

"After the first day, I knew I wanted to marry him. He proposed at the end of the two weeks, and I accepted. Somewhere in there, we got pregnant, but we didn't find out until after we got married that there was a little Rabb in the making."

"God help us all…"he says with a laugh and I can't help but smile.

"You and I are in agreement with that statement. The two of us already get in enough trouble. Can you imagine our offspring?"

"I can… I think that's why it hurt so much to see you like this, Mac. I know that you're happy with him, and I know that he is what you wanted all along."

"Mic, I did love you."

"Not the way I needed…" he says with a sadness that breaks into my heart.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I already have. I was blind to say that you and Rabb weren't supposed to be together from the beginning."

"I'm sorry, Mic."

"We both let it go on too long, Sarah, I know that now."

"So where do we go from here?" I ask, not knowing how to move forward with a man who was still in love with the idea of me.

"We are friends and colleagues."

"Starting over?"

"If we can."

"I certainly hope so."

"I don't know how Rabb is going to deal with that, but I'm okay."

"Happy wife, happy life. He'll deal because his hormonal and pregnant wife told him to be okay with everything."

He laughs again, and I am met with the thought that he really would have tried to make me the happiest that he could.

"Thank you for coming, Mic. It really does mean a lot to me that you came here to talk things out."

"No problem, love. I'll see you back at the office soon, I hope."

"Limited duty, but I'll be there."

"All right then." He says before standing up and walking out the cracked door.

What he was met with outside the door, I never knew…


	30. Being a Bigger Man

**Author's Note: I'm just going to put it out there that I can't stand Mic Brumby… like I really despise him… however, to grow myself, I'm feeling like I might change my own image of him… so bear with me on that. I hope you enjoy this short installment. Review if you would like!**

"How is she?" I say, catching him off guard at my presence.

I couldn't stay home. I left and I got some food and went to the big empty house and realized that I wouldn't sleep without Mac there. So I came back to find Mic Brumby there by her side.

"She's fine. I'm glad that she and the baby are okay." He says, and I know that he genuinely means it. "I thought she sent you home?"

I completely ignore his question, "So the two of you are starting over?"

"Eavesdropping?" he asks and I smirk a bit. "I don't blame you with our history."

"I trust Mac."

"You don't trust me though."

"True." I say simply after screaming a hearty 'damn right' in my head.

"Can we take a walk?" he asks and I'm a bit surprised for a moment before glancing at Mac's door and then deciding to take the walk with Mic.

"We aren't stripping blouses, are we? Mac would probably kill me."

"No, Mate… I think we just need to clear some things up."

I never liked Brumby, always finding ways to make fun of his name or where he came from. Then when he was dating Mac it was more of the same little comments and digs. When we defended her and John Farrow after her husband's death his true colors came out and I knew I would never like him. However he did have the insight that was the turning point for Mac and I, telling us that some of us were in love with her.

"What finally made you grow a set?" he asks, and I know exactly what he is talking about, not taking any offense to the way that he worded it.

"When she left I just realized that I couldn't do it without her anymore. We were walking eggshells around each other and had been for years. I knew that I was in love with her. Hell, you even told me as much when we almost came to blows in the Admiral's office. It was just a matter of convincing myself that she was the least bit in love with me."

"She was, but I thought that I could change her mind. I thought that she loved me the way that I knew I loved her. We never had that connection that the two of you have though. You could look across the room at each other and have an entire conversation. We could never do that. I probably knew it from the beginning, thinking about how I went to you to see if she was considered a free agent or not."

I laugh at the memory, already remembering that was the moment I really decided to hate Mic Brumby. That was the moment that he started in on Mac, and I didn't want to watch it happen. It was such a mess, even back then.

"I know that you have doubts about—"

"She told me." Mic interrupts quickly, knowing exactly what he was going to bring up.

"I don't know if she told you this, but we didn't… we weren't going behind your back save for one kiss. I never intended for this to happen."

"You can't deny that you had hoped for it though."

"Not this way…" I say honestly.

"When was the kiss?"

"Mac didn't tell you?" I ask with what I'm sure is a deer caught in the headlights kind of look.

"She didn't, but maybe I don't want to know."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think that it was both of our attempts at goodbye. We just had to have one last ditch attempt before the two of you got married and I went about my way with Renee." I tell him, knowing that night was really about saying goodbye. Yes, she and I spent the majority of the evening together, but it wasn't about me stealing her away or anything like that. We were going to put it all out there.

"It was the engagement party, wasn't it?"

"It was."

His face falls a bit, and then his lips turn up in the oddest of smirks before he replies, "I knew then that it was probably over. The fact that she would rather spend the whole evening out there with you instead of celebrating our engagement was telling enough."

"Mic…" I say, starting to explain to him the complexity of me and Mac before he cuts me off.

"You really do love her that much, don't you?"

"I do."

"You aren't going to hurt her anymore?"

"I know that I hurt her before, but I'm going to try my hardest to avoid that."

"Then I can live with it." He says with a nod of his head and a look to the ground in front of him.

"Brumby…"

"Don't worry about it. I still care about her, and we agreed that we will be friends and colleagues. I want her happy, and I know that you are the one that will give that to her."

"It takes a big man to admit that."

"Yeah, well…"

I look at him for a moment and remember that I myself had been the bigger man at one point when I thought that Mac was really going to marry him. I was going to watch her walk down the aisle and support anything she did if I thought that it would make her happy. Brumby and I weren't too far off from each other.

"Friends and Colleagues?" I finally say, putting out a hand for him to shake.

"You're on."

"Good… now I better get back to Mac."

"From what I understand you are supposed to be gone for the evening. You know she'll be mad at you if you come back before tomorrow to pick her up. She needs the rest and relaxation. Don't get her all worked up Rabb."

"You're right" I say, knowing that Mac would probably get riled up if I did go back.

"I learned very quickly that you don't mess with that Marine, friend. You won't escape alive."

"I just hope there's a squid in there and not a jarhead."

"I told Mac I didn't know how I felt about the two of you having a kid…. You two get into enough trouble, so I can only imagine how your little ones are going to be."

I laugh at that before turning toward the parking lot and getting into my car. Maybe Brumby wasn't so bad, and maybe we could work things out with all three of us. At least then the Admiral wouldn't have to either kill us or court martial us.

Once I got back home, I decided to call my mom and let her in on what was going on with Mac. I knew that if she found out later on that Mac had been in the hospital, she would kill me for not letting her know about it.

"_Harmon?"_

"Hey mom, how are you guys doing?"

"_What's wrong?"_ she immediately asks and I wonder to myself if my fatigue really is showing more than I thought.

"Nothing's wrong mom, but I wanted you to know that we had a little scare today with Mac and the baby."

"_Oh God, is she okay? Is the baby alright?"_

"They are both fine. They're being kept at the hospital over night so Mac can be observed. Apparently she's been having a hypoglycemia problem that made her feel faint today in the court room. She blanked out for a little bit, but we took her to the ER right away and they are saying that everything is fine."

"_Is she still working full days? I thought they were going to put her on half days."_

"She's been working full days, but she's been on the bench so much that the Doctor said that it was okay. They've decided to put her on limited duty starting now and going until the baby is born though."

"_Good. She just needs to rest and focus on the baby and her health. Was she already asleep when you left? Can I call her?"_

"She was probably getting ready to settle down for the night, so why don't I have her call you in the afternoon tomorrow when she gets home?"

"_Okay… God, I wish that we were closer."_

"I know mom, but it will mean a lot to her just to know that you're thinking about her."

"_That reminds me… have the two of you talked any more about finding her mother?"_

I had honestly almost forgotten all about it after our honeymoon and all this baby stuff got into full swing. Mac had mentioned the idea of trying to find her mother again to see if they could attempt to fix their relationship after all these years.

"Honestly mom, we haven't really had the time to think about it. Why do you ask?"

"_Well, Mac and I talked a bit more about it when you guys were here after she talked to you about it and she was telling me where her mother said she was last…. So I did some digging."_

"Did you find her?"

"_I did, but I didn't talk to her at all because I didn't want her to find out where you guys were if you weren't ready for that or didn't want that."_

"Mom, you shouldn't have gone through all that trouble."

"_Harm, she wants that… I know she does… I was just preparing for her to say something again."_

"Do you want me to talk to her about it?"

"_If you would like to, you can, otherwise I can mention it to her in a few weeks after all this settles down."_

"I think that waiting would be a good idea… where is she?"

"_She's actually in Virginia, not to far from D.C. Part of me wonders if she was planning on finding Mac, because my sources, well… Frank's sources, told me that she just moved not too long ago."_

"What did you guys do? Did you hire someone for this?"

"_Frank had somebody look into it for Mac."_

"So he's got a soft spot for Mac too, huh?"

"_You forget that we've heard you talk about her for years. We both love her and from what I know about her past, I just knew that she would need some kind of closure with her mother."_

"She'll appreciate it. And so do I…"

"_Alright, well, you sound exhausted, so you need to march into bed, sir. Please have Sarah call me when you guys get home from the hospital tomorrow."_

"I will."

"_Love all three of you."_

"Love you too, mom." I say before hanging up the phone and thinking about how I was going to bring up Mac's mother to her, knowing that she was nearby and could really be popping in any time in the near future.


	31. Stir Crazy

**Author's Note: I just wanted to update this one with a short little bit of fluff between plot. Next one will take another character's point of view. I hope you enjoy this small update, and review if you would like please!**

"How are the two of you doing?" Harm asks when he comes home to me sitting on the couch in front of the television after his long day of work.

"We are doing just fine. In fact, I think that we are doing so fine that we deserve to go out to dinner."

"Ah, but you are forgetting that your loving husband has the power of mind reading, and you will see that in the second load he brings from the car, there is a beltway burger for his lovely Marine."

I know that my face falls a bit at that, because it isn't really the food that I wanted but the idea of going out that excited me. After talking with the doctor and discussing it with Harm, we all agreed that keeping me home for a week would be the best for everyone. Harm was so worried about me and I know that the doctor was already concerned when my sugar levels were deemed something that needed to be monitored. I agreed that sitting at home would be good, and that when I went back to work the next week, it would be on a limited basis.

"What's wrong?" he asks, clearly seeing my reaction.

"I just thought that it would be nice to go out. I haven't been outside of this house since you picked me up from the hospital. I just want to be normal again."

"You will be, but for now, I need you to focus on the baby and you, Mac."

"Harm, I am focusing on us, but I need to actually have a life too. If I'm stuck at home for all hours of the day, I am not going to be a happy person. You know me and you know how I am… I can't just sit here." I say, nearing tears because of all the hormones surging through my body.

"Sarah, I know that you are upset about all of this, but know that it is going to all work out. If you want to go out to eat a couple times a week, that is fine. Maybe we can talk to the doctor and see if there are some prenatal classes that you could do. I think they have a swimming class or a yoga class that could help you get out."

He's right, and I know that it's the hormones getting the best of me when I finally confess what I had been feeling all along. "I'm afraid we won't get a second chance."

"What do you mean?"

"I was looking into the endometriosis and I found out that the chances of conceiving are lower as you get older. I'm just so worried about something going wrong and then not getting a second chance."

He takes me in his arms then, and I let the tears fall as he rubs my back and speaks to me in his calming voice. "Mac, we're still working on our first attempt, and you are doing everything that you can to keep this baby healthy. The doctor said that at seventeen weeks, you are already a lot less likely to miscarry. Every day and every week that goes by, you are walking away from that."

"But what if the baby comes too early?"

"Then we deal with it…. Mac, I know you're scared and I am too, but we've got to keep living in the now with this one. He or she is going to be here soon, so we've got to get our head into the game. If something happens, we will get through it, and no matter what, we'll get through it together."

He always has such a way with words, and I know that what he is saying is right. I need to stop thinking negatively, but after so many major things in my life turning upside down, I can't help but think about the bad before the good. "You're right."

"I know." He says, and I smack his chest after wiping the tears from my face.

"It is just so hard having to deal with this on my own. I want someone to commiserate with me."

"Well, you have Harriet."

"Yeah, but she's at work and when I'm on limited duty, I won't have her to come keep me company."

"Marine… are you pouting?"

Yes… Yes I am… I think in my head and then shake it to answer in the negative.

"No, I am not pouting. I don't know what I'm feeling exactly."

"I'm sure that if you called mom she'd move here until the baby's born if she got her way."

"Ha ha…"

"I'm serious, Mac. Once it gets further on in the pregnancy, I think she would really like to help out here with you and getting everything ready for the baby." He says, and I know that he's telling the truth.

"Is that something that you brought up with her?"

"No, but I know that she wishes she was closer, and we just bought a house with extra room, so I don't see why she couldn't come stay for a while if you would like. I also know that she wants to talk to you about something as well."

"What?"

He hesitates before speaking, so I can already tell that whatever this is, is something that I might take issue with.

"Harm… what?" I ask again, watching him contemplate his next move.

"They found Deanne."

I know that shock shows on my face when I utter the "what" at a whisper.

You and Frank talked about your family and you and my mom apparently talked about it as well. Frank took it upon himself to find out where she was in case you wanted to get in touch with her. He hired someone to look into it.

"And they found her?"

"They did."

I don't know what to say to that, not knowing exactly how I feel about my mother. Everything that we said to each other three years ago was what I left with. There was still so much to be said though, even after my proclaimed forgiveness, there was so much. "Where is she?"

"Virginia."

"Are you serious?"

"Mom and Frank let me know a week or so ago after they found out. They were worried that she was going to try to contact you and you would be blindsided by the whole thing."

"I'm blindsided that she's this close. Do you think that is why she's out this way, for me?"

"I don't know, Mac. If you want to find out though, you can."

This is when I have to really take a step back because I remember what I said when I was in California. I told Harm that I wished for a connection with her. I wanted to have my own part to the family, but I didn't know what form that would take. There were so many things that I want to talk to my mother about and deal with and work through, but at the same time… I don't know. I don't want her in my life to have her abandon me again, which is why I hesitate the most.

"You don't have to do anything with this information Mac. They just remembered you talking about it and they wanted to make sure that when you were ready, we had the information." He says, trying to reassure me as I know he sees the emotions cross my face.

"What if I do want to do something with the information? What if I do want to contact her?"

"Then that is your choice, and we will all be fully behind your decision."

"I think I want to do it… I want her to know about my life. She just saw such a small part when she came for my father's death… I want her to know what she's missing and I want to know that I tried to fix it and that I gave her another chance." I say with finality, making my decision but not knowing what my next steps are.


	32. Another Perspective

**Author's Note: There were mixed thoughts on this storyline, so I thought that I would bring it out anyways. I'm an optimist and since this fic is all about the fluffy and the happily ever after, I figured that I would bring this one out. Let me know what you think!**

This is why I came this far east, but I don't think that I thought I would actually follow through with anything. I thought that I would come to watch from afar and then go away before anyone knew that I was around, but I apparently didn't go unnoticed, because I got a phone call to meet with me at a restaurant halfway between where I am now and D.C. It isn't too terribly far, and was just a quick bus ride. It was long enough for me to think that this was a bad idea because of how we left things.

I see her, or I should say them, before they even notice me. I decided to stand on the other side of the street to watch her walk in so I could make my decision without her seeing me. She's beautiful and I can't help but wonder where she got her striking looks, because it certainly didn't come from me. There is a tall gentleman with her, holding her hand and just releasing it to guide her by the small of her back into the restaurant.

"Now or never." I say at a whisper before crossing the street and walking into the crowded restaurant.

They haven't been seated yet and I can see them sitting in the corner in their own little world. He really is handsome and I can see the way they look at each other like I never had in my life. Even in the beginning Joe MacKenzie didn't do that for me. It's then that I also notice the ring on his finger and search to see two rings on my daughter's hand as well. Maybe this was a bad idea.

I start to back out when I hear her call out, "Mom?"

"I didn't see you sitting there!" I lie as I walk toward them and she stands up to greet me with her tall man beside her.

"That's okay, we just got here and put our name in for a table. They said that it shouldn't be too long. Do you want to wait or do you want to try somewhere else?" she asks, and it warms my heart to know that she is just as nervous as I am because I hear the tiny catch in her voice every now and then.

"This is fine."

We stand there for a minute or so quietly when I see the young man gesture to her with his eyes.

"Oh, this is Commander Harmon Rabb, he's my… we're…" she stammers for a minute.

"I'm her husband. It's nice to meet you Deanne." He says putting a hand out for me to shake.

"Are you still a Major, Sarah?" I ask, fully knowing that she had been promoted a while ago.

"I'm actually a Lieutenant Colonel now, still with JAG for the time being." She says with a smile that tells me there is more.

"Speaking of which, you need to sit back down."

"Harm, if I'm only getting one night out a week, I'm going to enjoy it."

"You're going to enjoy it from that bench over there, Marine." He tells her and guides us to the spot.

I don't know why he's so insistent, but I love that fact that he dotes on her like that. I should have looked into what she was doing more now, knowing that she would have appreciated that I was keeping tabs on her. I didn't have the resources to do such a thing though, and I didn't want to pry. I just knew a few basics about her career, what I could find out easily.

"When did you get married?"

"About 5 months ago. I would have called or something to let you know, but I didn't know the number at the time."

"How did—"

"RABB!" the hostess screams from her spot, interrupting my question, as both my daughter and her husband stand for their names.

"That's us." He says, getting up and gesturing for the ladies to go first.

I take off my coat when we get to the table and the watch as he helps her take hers off as well. That is when I see the reason for the doting. My daughter is about to become a mother.

"Don't tell me that the Marines have gone soft on their PT?" I say, making the whole thing into a joke only because it is so overwhelming for me at the same time.

I had many different issues when I left my daughter, and I have had many different opportunities to examine those issues in their entirety. However, deep down, I felt like I was going to deal with all those thoughts and realizations without ever really seeing my daughter again. After her father's death, I know that she forgave, but I also know that she didn't forget.

It was odd to be in this situation where you created this human being and raised her for years but then had nothing to do with the woman she became. Looking at her in what appears to be a loving relationship and about to start a family on her own is something that makes me happy for her but at the same time, makes me realize what a crap job I did in helping her get to this point.

"Oh, I didn't even think…" she says as if she had forgotten she was even pregnant.

"How far along are you?"

"I'm about 5 and a half months… we found out that I was pregnant right after the wedding."

I know she says that to stop me from doing the obvious calculations in my head. I wouldn't have blamed her anyways because I can tell the man she's with is who she intends to be with for the rest of her life.

"That's wonderful." I say, trying not to be over-enthusiastic, but supportive.

"We're really excited about it. It happened faster than we anticipated, but we are excited nonetheless. Tell me what you've been doing." She asks, and I'm put in the position that I didn't want to be in when seeing her again.

I moved all over the place for years after I left Joe MacKenzie and Sarah. I didn't have any steady work or anything like that, but I made ends barely meet while living in hotels or in shelters along the way. I was ashamed of my life.

"I'd rather hear about the two of you. Do you work with each other? Is that how you met?"

She hesitates for the slightest minute before he cuts in, "We actually met with a case surrounding Sarah's Uncle Matt. It was the first case that we were put on, and we've been partnered up ever since."

"When was that?"

"Six years ago."

"Yet you only got married 5 months ago?" I ask, knowing that there had to be a story there.

"Everything had just led us to that point. I was glad she said yes." He says, smiling in Sarah's direction while her eyes remained focused on me.

"What is it?" I finally ask, knowing that a conversation is coming.

"Why are you here?" she says without contempt, but an indifference that I can't place.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why have you been in Virginia for the last year?"

"How did you know that I've been here that long?" I ask, wondering how she could have even known that I had been here for that long.

"I made mention of you to Harm's parents when we went out to California to celebrate getting married. Harm's stepdad made it his mission to find you and hired someone to track you down."

"You wanted to find me?" I ask, confused.

"I didn't…. I mean… I didn't know what I wanted. Frank just took it upon himself to find out just in case I did want to find you after Harm and I were settled or after the baby was born."

"What made you decide to contact me then?"

"Harm's mom let him know a month ago that they found you living in Virginia. I… um…"

"Mac's pregnancy is kind of a higher risk pregnancy, and we have to keep her stress level down as much as possible." He finishes for her, since she was obviously having a hard time coming up with words that matched her thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I ask, suddenly very concerned for my daughter and her unborn child. If I had known any of that I wouldn't have even agreed to come to this dinner in the first place.

"It's nothing. I just have a condition that makes some things a greater possibility, and I've got a hypoglycemia issue that I need to keep under control."

"But you and the baby are going to be okay?"

"We're going to be fine." She says, looking at me but squeezing the hand of her husband who seemed to start paling the second we started talking about her health and the baby.

"So you contacted me because you were worried that I was just going to show up out of the blue and cause a commotion." I say simply, which causes my daughter to immediately counter.

"No! It would have surprised me, but commotion isn't the word."

"Honey, I'm the one who used it. It would have been a commotion, even if it were under the best of circumstances, which our relationship is not."

We all sit in silence for a while, giving our orders to the waiter and people watching around the restaurant so we didn't have to make small talk.

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to be close to where you were. I was probably never going to get up the courage to come see you or talk to you, but I wanted to be close to you."

"Why?"

"Because I've had plenty of time to think and realized that I don't know the woman that you've become. Obviously you are happy and successful, and I can tell that you are a good person. Yet, I realized that none of these came from my help…. Or your father's for that matter."

"No, they didn't, but as Harm points out to me on a regular basis. My experiences did lead me to be the person I am today. The good and the bad help shape who we are."

"I wanted to see if I could stay in one place for longer than a few months, and I wanted to see if I could make something of myself."

"And?"

"I've stayed longer, but making something of myself is proving harder than I thought. It was so much easier to jump around to different places that it is to stay in one." I say, fully meaning what I said about how hard it was to stay in one spot.

"What are you doing?" she asks again.

"Well, right now, I'm a secretary at this used car dealer. There isn't much of anything that you can do on a GED."

She raises her eyebrow at that, and looks over to her husband for a moment.

"I never graduated. Uncle Matt helped me get my GED and helped me get into the Marines, the into college, and then later into Law school. Don't let that stand in your way."

I don't know what to say to that. I'm shocked that the put together woman I see in front of me, who is obviously well enough off is telling me these things. Why didn't she graduate high school? Why… I don't even know her.

"Sarah… I don't know why you really contacted me, but I'm going to tell you something. You might not believe it, as you have every right to, but hear me anyway."

"Okay."

"We talked before about what happened back then. I'm sorry about what I did, and I know you said you forgive me, but you don't have to forget all that happened when you were younger. I see you now and realize what an amazing thing I missed out on. I can't help but wonder if I had taken you with me, or if I would have just stayed, we would have figured it all out. I'm glad that you have this life, and I'm happy for you, and I'm proud of you. If you would let me, I would like to get to know you better. I can't guarantee anything, but you deserve more than what I've given you in the past."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to decide anything, but I want you to know that the offer is there."

"All right." She says with a short nod, and I know this means she'll think about it.

We talk small talk the rest of the evening about what kind of work they have been doing, about the new house, and preparing for the baby. However, ending the evening is my favorite part, because I know then what I could have with my daughter's new family.

"I appreciate you coming out here. Maybe next time, we can have you out to the house?" she asks timidly, and I have my answer from before.

"That sounds lovely." I say, and then there is this awkward silence hanging in the air.

"Well, we will see you soon then." Harmon says, wrapping his arms around her shoulder.

"Sarah?" I ask before they walk away and I lose my chance. "Can I just… Can I hug you?"

"Of course" she says, stepping forward with her arms outstretched.

We have just a moment of piece before I hear her let out a short "ooh!"

"What is it, are you okay?" Harmon say, instantly at her side when he sees her grab onto her stomach.

"More than okay. I think the baby wanted to say hi to grandma, because it kicked!"

"Like really kicked?" he asks, so excited at this idea.

"You haven't felt the baby kick before now?" I ask, trying to remember what I felt when Sarah kicked me the first time.

"I thought so a few times, but then I dismissed it… but this was a definite kick. I can't even say that it was anything else." She says, and I can see her beaming from here despite the darkness of the evening.

"Well, get prepared, because now that you feel it, the baby won't stop. I don't remember the first time you kicked, but I do remember that by the end you were doing somersaults in there all hours of the night."

She nods with a smile and a hand still on her stomach. "This was a good night, in more ways than one. We will call you soon."

They walk away arm in arm and I'm thankful for the evening. I'm going to get to know my daughter, and if I do everything right, I might get to know my grandson or daughter as well. This _was_ a good night.


	33. Stop Running

**Author's Note: It's a new year and I've set new goals for myself regarding the fics and randomness in my life. So here's the newest installment of this fic and I'm working on the others as well. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think Sorry for the lack of updates in January… I'm all ready for February!**

"Okay, when she said that the baby wouldn't stop…. She meant it." I tell Harm, rubbing my stomach and trying to calm the baby within and remembering my mother's comment from weeks ago.

"Mac, if you don't get up and get ready, we are going to miss our appointment."

"We aren't going to miss the appointment, and I don't know why you're in such a rush… it's not like you can go to the appointment alone." I say sarcastically, and he stops running around the room to glare at me for a moment.

"Yeah, I get that, but come on Mac."

"I'm working on it, Harmon. It is getting harder to move and get ready and I still have a few more months to go. This is starting to be ridiculous."

"Mac, you aren't that big at all."

"Yeah, but I have spent the greater part of my life a size 4 and right now, I could probably not even fit my arm into one of the legs of my skinny jeans, so you can shut up. And besides, by you saying that I'm not _that_ big, you are implying that I am at least a little big, which is not setting well with me. And may I also remind you that it was you and your… " I start, wildly gesturing at Harm's nether regions before continuing, "that got me into this situation in the first place… and I know that we said we wanted plenty of kids, but you are pushing your luck with even this one."

By the time I'm done with my rant, I'm surprisingly dressed and ready to go. When I turn, I'm met with the smirk of a sailor and crossed arms.

"Are you done now?" he says calmly with a hint of laughter.

Of course the smirk causes me to replay what I just said to him in my mind, and I know my eyes widen. "I'm sorry."

"You're pregnant and I forgive you."

"I just didn't get any sleep because of baby's escapades… I'm cranky."

"Beltway burgers on the way home?"

"Best. Husband. Ever." I say, punctuating each word with a kiss.

When we get to the doctor's office, we do all the usual things, and we are flustered when the doctor asks us what you would think would be a simple question.

"So, I can see all this week, do you want to know what the baby is?"

We haven't talked about it, so I didn't know what to say and looked to Harm for the answer.

"I don't know Mac, we never discussed it and I could go both ways. They say it is the greatest surprise that you still have left, you know… maybe we shouldn't find out."

"It would help us figure out everything for the nursery and clothing and all that though, so I could say yes."

"Whatever you want, Sarah." He say grabbing onto my hand as I pause to think for a moment.

"No… I think that I want to be surprised."

"Well, you will have a few more opportunities since we've been monitoring everything, so if you change your mind, you can let me know."

"How does everything else look?"

The doctor looks around for a few minutes, pausing to measure certain things and ask the nurse to write down different numbers in my chart.

"It looks great. You are exactly where I want you to be and from what you've said, you aren't having any of the complications that I was worried about. As the baby gets bigger, though, you may start having some more discomfort, especially if he or she stays as active as now. How is the day to day with the job going?"

"I've been coming in on a very limited basis only when they need the extra hand. The Admiral throws me on a case every now and then, but I'm at home for the most part."

"Have you been feeling any stress or anything from that?"

"No… actually, it has been quite perfect and I've been able to sit at home and thumb through all the catalogs of everything we're going to need in a few months."

The doctor smiles at me then and I think to myself about all that I've been doing these past few months. Sitting at home has been wonderful and getting to relax before what I know is going to be a stressful time has been even better. Even Harm's mom came to visit last week to keep me occupied when I knew I wasn't going to have to sit on the bench at all that week. My mother was also supposed to be coming to visit the next day… which could go either way in my head.

"Well, I'm happy with how things are going and I will see you in two weeks again?"

Harm and I stand up and shake the doctor's hand before walking out of the office and to our car.

"I'm really proud of how you've been handling all of this Marine… I would have thought that you would be up a wall with all this home bound stuff."

Once I buckle up, I look over at him with a smile on my face, "I never thought that I would be okay with anything like this actually. I feel like I get the chance to still do a job and serve my country from time to time, but I like the idea of relaxing and helping baby grow."

"Pregnancy does suit you, you know?"

"Even if I'm getting fat?"

His eyebrows nearly meet his hairline before he carefully tells me, "You aren't getting fat, the baby is just getting bigger."

"Afraid I'm going to yell at you again, flyboy?"

"Most definitely." He says and I laugh as we make our way to get our meal for the evening and head towards home.

The next day, I find myself more nervous than I should be about my mother's visit. When Harm and I met her for dinner, it was very pleasant and we were able to talk through a few things, but today is just the two of us. I don't know if that is going to be better or worse, but after we met the last time I really feel like she wants to get to know me and try to right some of the things that happened when I was younger. When we exchanged phone calls during the week to talk about it, it seemed like everything was actually looking up.

Her ring of the doorbell made me jump and I quickly made it to the door to let her in.

"Hi Mom."

"Sarah, you are looking so beautiful with that little one! I wish that I was half as pretty when I was pregnant with you."

"Thank you, but I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to have my figure back as this goes on."

"You will be fine…." She says, trailing off to look around at the house, "this is a beautiful home."

"We got it right after we got married before we even found out about the baby. It was perfect and we had to have it."

"I like all the colors and the decorating though. Did you do most of it yourself?"

"I picked out a lot of it, but Harm and I worked together on a lot of it too. Our friends came and helped him paint it one weekend, and then they had to come move me in a few weeks later when Harm was on assignment."

She stops for a moment and thinks about the statement before asking, "Does that happen often? As a lawyer do you travel that much?"

"We travel all the time actually. In fact, I can probably tell you plenty of stories that shock most." I say with a laugh and a sigh, realizing the crazy times we had and the fact that I probably won't get to do anything like that anytime soon, "I haven't been able to as of late, but he and I went many different places while I was still working as an attorney. Now I've been transferred over to the bench because Harm and I can't serve under the same command and be married."

"That must have been difficult."

"It was actually a lot easier than we thought it would be. Admiral Chegwidden was looking out for us, so we were able to work everything out."

"I see."

We stand in the foyer a little bit longer before I lead her around for the tour of the house. She comments on a few different things that she likes and lets me know her opinion on my plans for the nursery before we retire to the kitchen for the lunch I had prepared.

"I thought that we were going out?"

"Oh, no, I had the time to prepare it and Harm helped me with a few things last night, so it is all ready to go."

"You shouldn't have worked on this though." She says, giving me the same disapproving look that Harm does when he thinks that I've overdone it.

"Mom, it's fine. I wasn't on my feet for long."

"Okay… which makes me think… What you said earlier about Harm having to travel sometimes… well… if you wanted… you don't have to say yes or even anything right now… but if he was ever gone and you needed some help before the baby comes or even after, I could certainly rearrange some things to come stay here."

"That would actually be really nice. Harm's mom was here last week for a while to keep me company and look for a condo for the two of them."

"You said that they were out in California."

"Yes, but I think that with the impending arrival of little Rabb, they want to be closer."

"That's nice." She says with a far off look that I can't place.

"It is." I say timidly.

We sit down and start to eat and I'm forced to think about her reaction to my talking about Harm's parents when I realize that her reaction is much like my own from months before when we were in California.

"Your thoughts aren't far from mine, you know?"

"Hmmm?"

"I… how do I say this without hurting your feelings or sounding ungrateful for you being a part of my life?"

"Darling, I've been through more than most and you have the right to tell me whatever you want to." She says, reaching across to put her hand on top of mine and give it a squeeze.

"When Harm and I went to California for the honeymoon, we had just found out about the baby. Harm's mom had overheard a comment that he had made and figured out within minutes of us being there about the baby as well. We were swapping stories and then let Frank know about becoming a grandfather soon and… I had to excuse myself for a moment. Here they were offering to buy the baby's furniture and talking about spoiling whatever kids that come along and I barely knew them. They just welcomed me right in and she referred to me as the daughter she never had and Frank was just so sweet and stayed up with me in the mornings when the morning sickness was bad. I just thought to myself that my kid was so lucky to have them, but at the same time I wished that I could give that to him or her too with you and dad. I wished at that moment that things were different and that you could be the grandparents that I would have hoped you to be. That was when it all came up about me trying to find out where you were."

"I see." She says very calmly, trying to figure out what to say.

We sit for a moment trying to form more words when she finally speaks, "Sarah, what do you hope from this? I mean, what did you think of when you thought of seeing me again? Because I want to know now so I can tell you if I'm going to be able to fulfill that for you. I don't want to be here if all I'm going to do is disappoint you."

"Harm asked me the same thing that night, about what I wanted if I contacted you. I told him that I just wanted you here. I wanted you to get your life settled, maybe meet a nice man, and be a part of my life and your grandchild's life. I grew up knowing what my father did to you… and you didn't deserve that, and even though you left me, I get what you were running away from. I ended up a drunk… that's why I didn't finish high school. Uncle Matt sobered me up and helped me find myself again and then I found Harm… I just have everything that I could have ever wanted and even after the crap I went through. If I can do it, so can you."

"You were a lot younger than I was, Sarah, but I see your point."

"And?"

"I want those things for myself too, but I'm afraid that I'm going to run from it all."

"I know… I get that urge from you. Harm and I were such a mess… even before we got together we were in love with each other but couldn't admit it. I would run from it, he would run from it, and we both were miserable. Uncle Matt finally told me, after Harm proposed, to stop running. Best advice he ever gave me…"

I can see my mother processing, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm worried about what exactly is going to happen after she finishes processing. She has run and even admitted to me years ago when my father died that she still ran. Would this even be a possibility?

"Stop running, huh?" she finally says, sitting back in her chair a bit. "I'll try it… I'll try it for you."


	34. Something So Small

**Author's Note: As I was writing this little chapter of fluff, I realized that it was going to be a short little installment that led to something big. I hope you enjoyed the little snippet! Review if you would like. And thank you to everyone for the kind words and the support for this fic. It is especially cool to see how JAG is so loved in other countries. My roommate laughs at me but can help but ask who is winning in the hits… the UK or Germany? US is always top, but those two battle it out for second in hits!**

How can something so small need so much stuff? This is what I'm asking myself as I'm standing in the store with my mother and Mac. Yet again, mom couldn't stay away when Mac started talking about the furniture we were thinking about for the nursery. When she said we were going baby shopping and putting things on the registry for the shower Harriet insisted on throwing for her, my mother told her she would be on the next plane.

"How is the search for the condo?"

"It has been successful. We actually found a place across from Mac's old building I believe."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Harm asks, confused.

"We didn't know if it was final yet, so we wanted to wait. I'm actually here to check on a few things and start looking around at furniture before I go back to California."

"We can help you with the furniture stuff. We looked so many places before we settled on the place we got ours. I'm sure that I've got the catalogs lying around as well." Mac says, excited to be able to help with something.

"Honey, you don't have to work on anything with me! I want you to sleep and I want you to sit on the couch and thinking nothing about Frank and I. You need to focus on the baby."

"Mom… I can sit on a couch and look online or through catalogs with you! It would actually be a lot of fun." She insists, and I know that she really does need something to keep her occupied.

The Admiral has been giving her less and less to do as she gets closer to her due date, which I am grateful for. However, my beautiful wife thinks that she is too big for anything productive now, assuming that the Admiral doesn't think she can handle anything. I explained it to him and he thought I was crazy for even suggesting it, and then called Mac to remind her that her only job right now was to make sure the baby was doing okay. It was quite the conversation to hear with only one side of the phone being heard. The Admiral was interrupted so many times by her, that at one point he shouted 'Lock it Up Marine' and I could swear I heard her 'yes sir' from across his desk.

Now that we are purchasing more and more, it is giving her something to do, but we agreed to not purchase a lot of clothing or even the bedding until the baby was born.

"So show me this furniture that you guys want for the baby's room." Mom says, excited to see what we picked out.

We lead her in the direction of our crib and furniture and the moment she sets eyes on it she tells us how beautiful and perfect it is.

"Now, I know what you and Frank said, but this was a lot more expensive than we originally thought since we went with a crib that could convert into a toddler bed and then a real bed when the baby gets older. We do not want you to pay for all of it."

"We're paying for all of it. It's fine, Sarah." Mom says, and I can tell by the use of Mac's given name that she means business.

"Mom, you will have plenty of chances to spoil this baby… you don't have to start now!" Mac explains, patting her stomach with a smile.

"We told you when we found out you were pregnant, that we would be in for buying the baby's furniture. That has not changed, and we would like to help out. The price doesn't matter to us."

"No baby shower gift." Mac says as almost a challenge to her.

"Is that my only condition?"

"If you are insisting… yes."

"Fine, we will consider the furniture your shower gift." Mom says, shaking hands with Mac in some deal that they have apparently made.

"Now can we talk about bedding?" Mom asks with a huge grin.

"We have the two sets picked out and decided on going with a green paint for the walls. The boys set is over here in this crib with the planes and trains… and the girl's set is over…." Mac starts, walking around the area in search of the flowers and butterflies we picked out for a little girl. "Here… this right here."

"Oh both of them are darling." Mom gushes. "We can get some toy trains and maybe a mobile that has planes to go with it!"

We move on to start talking about the registry and my mom telling Mac all she remembers about me when I was a baby.

"Now, this was a long time ago, and I know that a lot has changed, so don't believe everything that I'm saying." Mom says as a disclaimer as we are looking at all the different baby proofing items for the house.

"You know what, Mac. Why don't we just get this stuff another time and not put it on the registry. I can have Bud come over and help me figure out everything that we need and then he and I can do a babyproofing weekend." I suggest, looking at all the outlet covers and drawer latches and trying to estimate how many we will need.

"That actually sounds like a great idea. You can make a list of exactly what you need."

"Now let's talk bottles." Mom says acting like we were getting down to serious business.

Mom starts going over the finer points of bottles while Mac compares what she is saying to the research she has done as well. As they keep talking, my mind drifts over to a small pink bathrobe hanging near the bathing aisle. Who knew that a seasoned Navy man could melt at the sight of something small and pink so easily.

Mac is still convinced that the baby is a boy. While I would be excited with a happy and healthy baby, I really wanted to have a little girl first. I had this image in my head of Mac with our little girl… the spitting image of her mother and growing up to be this beautiful woman who breaks the heart of every boy who sees her. She would have her mother's strength and my sense of adventure. She would be perfect. However, I'm okay with a boy as well… yes, my heart wants that little girl, but a boy would be great too. I could see us running around the back yard and playing football and catch.

"What are you thinking?" Mac asks, coming close to me after my mother decided to go off and look at some different toys and things for the baby.

"I'm thinking about what the baby is going to be…." I say glancing at the robe that sparked my thought process.

"And?"

"Are you really still thinking that it is a boy?"

The smile on her face is amazing as she looks at me with eyes that are always filled with such love that I can't believe it. "I still think a boy, but I know that you hold this fantasy of daddy's little girl being our first." She says, grabbing the robe and placing it against her stomach as if to model it on the baby.

I laugh a little bit at this and hang it back up before turning to her and grasping her hands in mine, "It's like this… you are an amazing and beautiful woman. You have this amazing grace about you and I can't help but want another little girl to grow up just like you with that beauty and that grace. Why can't I want a little girl with your looks and some of my brains?"

Mac's smile grows wider and she kisses me before she answers, "I think that this is true love, because I can't imagine not having a little boy grow up to be handsome and courageous and strong like you. It's who we love the most that we want our child to be. I can't fault us for that, but… I'm telling you… it's a boy."


	35. Told You So

**Author's Note: Okay, so I skipped a little bit because I was bound and determined to make sure that I wrote a happy fic. I hope that you don't hate me for skipping a bit. Also… if you're in the mood, let me know what you want to see happen next… This fic is kind of starting to conclude in my mind, so I need some ideas because I can't seem to figure out its natural conclusion. Review if you'd like to help with that or to tell me what you think.**

"It's a girl!" I hear him say, seeing our daughter for the first time.

"You want to cut the cord, dad?" The doctor asks and Harm's face lights up with a smile.

The doctor holds her up for my inspection before taking her away to get cleaned up and tested and whatever else they do to newborns. Harm glances in their direction, making sure that they are handling her with care before turning back to me and giving me a gentle kiss.

"Is this a bad time to say I told you so?" he asks and despite the toll these last hours have taken on me, I can't help but laugh.

"I love you."

"Oh, you have no idea how much I love you."

We both look over when we hear a small wail come out from across the room.

"It's okay little one, we will get you back to mom and dad in just a minute. In fact, dad?" I hear the nurse say and then call out to Harm.

The tears come almost instantly to my eyes when I see my husband carrying our little girl safely in his arms, smiling down at her even though her eyes are closed and she immediately settled when he picked her up.

"I think that you need to meet your mommy. She's gone through a lot to get you here, so I think you should be nice." He says, handing her down to me for the first time.

My first thought is that I don't think I really knew how tiny babies were. I was there when Little AJ was born, and I remember a bit of that moment, but now that I'm holding her in my arms I can't believe how tiny she is. It all takes me a moment. I take in her tiny little hands, examining each finger. I place my index finger on her nose, tracing the line of it and looking for whose features she has. Then I stroke her cheek with the back of the same finger and she opens her eyes. I know then that I, though I'm a trained tough as nails Marine, am absolute mush when it comes to this little girl.

"I hope she is just as beautiful as you." Harm says, snapping me out of my inspection.

"She is already beautiful."

"I couldn't agree with you more."

After a few more minutes, the doctor finishes up anything else that needed to be done, the baby is taken to the nursery and I am told to rest for a while. He goes to call the family and tell them that we have a brand new baby girl.

We have a baby girl and no name really. I'm toying with the idea of using Patricia as her middle name for Harm's mom, but I can't decide on a possible girl's name to say my life.

Later, I wake to find that Harm has the baby nestled in his arms while she sleeps. He's whispering sweet words to her much like he did to my stomach when I was pregnant and I can already tell that he is going to be the best father that I could have ever imagined for my child.

"When did they bring her back in?"

"About a half hour ago. They said that she would be hungry in a little bit and they are going to send someone up to help you with that."

"Okay." I say, smiling sleepily. I was still exhausted, but knew that there were things that needed to be done, family that needed to be seen and a name to be given.

"Lorelai." Harm says simply.

"What?" I ask, guessing what he was saying but wondering why.

"I think her first name should be Lorelai. That was the name given to the sirens that would call out to the sailors in mythology."

"Lorelai Patricia Rabb?"

"Mom would love that." He says, and I smile.

"We could call her Lori." I say, trying it on my lips and realizing that it is the perfect name for her.

"Lori Rabb. I think it's kind of perfect."

"I agree."

He snuggles her close and whispers her name into her ear and suddenly she yawns and blinks her eyes open again.

"She likes it… but you do know that the sirens actually called the sailors to the rocks and to their death, right?" I say, smiling as he blinks back at our daughter and then looks up at me.

"Maybe we won't share that part with her until later in life. I just like that they lured the sailors with their songs… same way some crazy Marine lured me into loving a Jarhead."

"I did nothing of the sort. We are just awesome as a whole."

Lori lets out a small noise of discontent and Harm hands her over to me so he can go see if the nurse is nearby.

"Lorelai Patricia Rabb… you are the most beautiful thing I have ever set my eyes on. I want you to know that we love you terribly and we have made plans for you since before we could admit that we loved each other. You are so lucky because you have the best father that any little girl could ever wish for, you have grandparents that love you, and you have this whole other set of family that may not be our real relatives, but they are going to care about you just as much." I tell my daughter, stroking her cheek as she is trying to focus her eyes on anything she can.

Once the little girl is fed, and the nurse gone from helping with said feeding, Harm comes back in to talk to me about our guest in the waiting room.

"Someone's here to see the baby." He says with a smile.

"Who?" I ask, knowing that Harm had just called everyone a few minutes ago to tell them about the baby. We had called both of our parents to let them know that I was on my way to the delivery room though.

"Your mom."

"Really?"

He nods, and with a small laugh adds in that my mother told him that she got in the car the second we called and said that I was going in.

"Do you want her to come in?"

"Yeah… could you go get her."

"I will lead her in and take another stroll around the hospital. How does that sound?"

I love that he knows when I need my time. It has been going so well with my mom and we have really started to get back a real relationship with each other, so I am more than excited that she was so insistent on coming right away.

When she walks in, her eyes fall to me first, taking everything in before moving on to look at the bassinet that held our baby girl. That's something that they don't tell you… the kid is yours. They kept her for a little while right after she was born to give me a bit of rest, but after that, the baby is yours to change, feed, and amuse for the few minutes he or she is awake every few hours or so.

"How are you?" she asks, placing her hand over mine on the bed.

"I'm great actually. Everything went just as planned with no problems whatsoever."

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you. We're pretty please with her ourselves."

"You would have to be with such a beautiful gift."

"I'm glad that you came."

"I got in my car when I got off the phone with Harm. I was worried about you guys, so I needed to make sure that I was close."

"You didn't have to worry."

"Sarah, honey, you will soon learn that a mother never stops worrying about her children. They may be as small as this little one or grown and beautiful and married with a wonderful husband to look after them. No matter what, a mother will worry." She says simply, stroking the cheek of the baby in a gesture that seems to comfort her more than the infant.

"Mom?" I ask, wondering what is going through her head right now, worried about the look on her face.

"Will you let me have a chance with her? We have been working so hard with the two of us and I know that we still have a lot of our past to talk about, but I'm wondering if I can just be a wonderful grandmother to her while we are still working out our differences."

"Of course you can… in fact that is what I've wanted this whole time. That's why I was glad that they found you… I wanted to get that chance with you and I wanted our child to get a chance to be loved by both sides."

She just smiles for a few minutes before finally asking, "What's her name?"

"Lorelai."

"Like the sirens?"

I nod, "Harm came up with the idea and we thought it fitting with our Navy background."

"He does realize that the sirens lured the –"

"We've agreed to table that until she's older." I say with a small laugh.

"Good choice."


End file.
